Daddies and Empty Relationships

[VSoftDaddyDomV]

I hear a great deal about Littles/Middles/Cared For individuals saying they don't get what they want from a relationship, are lied to or otherwise ill treated. Though shoe on the other foot:

1. I see a lot of daddies/caregivers that are emotional punching bags.

2. Validation....

3. Someone to confide it, friendzone and or otherwise not treat as more than a temporary bandage for loneliness.

I see this a great deal and experienced it first hand and I don't think it's ever talked about. The light is only pointed one way.

 

Recently I experienced this about 10 or 15 times with people including ghosting, being used, lied to and otherwise just not really being treated what I feel is fair. Now what I feel is fair is not necessarily important but it does appear that it's a two way street, these relationships. And way too many people don't look both ways. Do you feel the same or can relate? 

[beanbean]

I think the best thing to do is just analyze each thing as they happen and learn from it not much more we can do.just remember all of us doms and subs are humans thus we all make mistakes hopefully we can learn from them

[Guest DizzPinkUnicorn]

To be honest I have deal a lot with that...

Daddy's only use littles, on my personal experience I decided to be a "lonely little"....

🌷

[Cutelilgirl]

It sucks that world is a sucky place and it's so hard to find some one good and caring

[FillYouWithMe]

Accidentally got into a rant, as DDlg dating/seeking in general is a hot topic for me. 😅 TL;DR for those who don't want to read: Most Littles get swarmed every time they seek, and promised that they'll be "taken care of" by a "fully supportive Dom/me" and made to believe that person has it all together. In reality, that's all bullshit, but they can get the idea in their head that it all might really be true. They can get into the idea that being a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver can mean that that person can be perfect, so it's hard as one of us to be "good enough" when the bar was accidentally raised so high by pseudo-Dom/me con artists. So, when they do find someone worth giving that title to, that person isn't deemed good enough because they're a human with human problems.

I think it's a problem of how saturated the "Daddy Dating Pool" is vs. how eager Littles are to get involved. Littles get swarmed by Daddy Doms, both legit and fake, and it can be easy to get lost in the idea that the ones that tell you what you want to hear are the ones that will give you exactly what they promise. One of my friends is plagued with people claiming they can be good to her, and then they start to show the red flags (anger issues, manipulative attitudes, consent violations, etc.) and the options are to either give up on the one that you thought would be nice (often times in my experience talking with Littles, after you've ghosted the rest of them) or hope you're just overreacting.

In my time being in this dynamic, I've seen countless times where someone poses as a Daddy/Mommy and clearly don't possess the qualities to fill that role. But at the same time, I've seen those people find enthusiastic Littles who are more than willing to jump into a dynamic with them rather than admit they should look at the red flags. "Sub frenzy" is the coined term for it, I believe. The idea that this just has to be a good Dom/me, because they said they are.. And they're confident about it.

4 hours ago, DizzPinkUnicorn said:

Daddy's only use littles, on my personal experience I decided to be a "lonely little"....

Once it's happened too many times, some littles feel as though it's a hopeless endeavor much like this sentiment. Now, this statement isn't to berate someone who has been treated poorly by bad Dom/mes, but it creates a narrative that all or most Dom/mes are bad. I do think it's a vast number, potentially even a majority of people who refer to themselves as Dom/mes that are genuinely not equipped to handle the task at hand. But finding a partner in DDlg and the like is basically just Tinder with extra expectations. Sometimes, you're just gonna get dick pics.

I implore people to have resources available to new partners that help to underline core values and red flags, even something as simple as asking a partner to binge watch some of Evie Lupine's videos (I'm biased, as she's one of my favorite BDSM-based influencers) that delve into the bad's and the good's of people that get involved in the scene. And to push Littles / Submissives to step into every new potential relationship with a hefty amount of skepticism at first. But it should also be understood that it's the Little / Submissives' responsibility to look out for themselves over all other things, because someone putting "Daddy" in their username or bio doesn't make them a good person. I will never let myself be Middle with someone unless I know I can trust them, and that should be the standard.

[Little kaiya]

This is something I have talked about before and sadly it seems like people get all twisted up when the issue is raised. You see it a lot in "break up posts" where people automatically flick to the side of the little and villanize the caregiver. There are 110% littles using and abusing caregivers but people seem to want to ignore that side of the coin which is very frustrating.

So yes, I agree with the OP that the light seems to be only shone one way and that is a problem in my eyes.

[Josey Wales]

There is good and bad in everything. One can only hope for someone who in genuine, truthful , open and honest   Heartbreak and abuse certainly abound in the dynamic   We can only be our best and hope others feel the same. 

[Daddy dom 82]

The thing is daddy's chose to be daddy's yes some littles needs are more then others with what they have been through. U talk an see who u connect with an some want different things out of a daddy which should be talked about upfront before getting to far, an if u cant give what's needed be honest about it. I agree the ghosting is not right but also have to look at some daddy's try to use little an take advantage of them even in sexual ways when in little when most use being little to cop an want nothing sexual. Not saying u do but have heard its been done ... Just like guys ghost them cuz they dont get what they want ,it kind of goes both ways .. The fact u see ur self as a punching bag is mind boggling to me, i get its hard at time but  its a life style u can handle or not an if not its not for u ( my opinion )  if u find the right Little ur their for each other 

[FillYouWithMe]

34 minutes ago, Daddy dom 82 said:

The fact u see ur self as a punching bag is mind boggling to me, i get its hard at time but  its a life style u can handle or not an if not its not for u ( my opinion )  if u find the right Little ur their for each other 

I'm very curious to understand this take, and your experience as a Daddy / Caregiver. This reads as though his experience isn't something a lot of us have dealt with, which it is very common in this dynamic. Just as there are plenty of fake Daddies, Mommies, and Caregivers, there are plenty of Littles who use DDlg as an unsafe way of venting their trauma and life experience on a person of their choosing in an effort to circumvent serious mental struggles that need therapy. I could understand it being "mind boggling" if you happened to find your partner before you discovered the dynamic, or if you're still new to it and haven't crawled thru the trenches, but it's definitely not unusual to experience what OP is mentioning.

 

That being said, someone discussing their struggle within the dynamic should never be used as an excuse to gatekeep them. My own struggle of finding out that I'm a switch has given me some flack, due to some people expecting Daddy Doms to be "24/7 or not at all", and that's just not the case. What OP is mentioning is a problem with people in the dynamic, not their problem with the dynamic itself.

[Daddy dom 82]

it was not ment to put anyone down or nothing like that it was more less saying their are two sides to everything an i get both sides it is hard an daddys do go through a lot also , i have been through it an also found my little before i have started ddlg . but also have gone through a lot with trying to find another little ,been ghosted an used . not saying anyone was right or wrong in how they think or feel . yes some littles use ddlg an also so does some daddys not all in good ways . maybe it came out wrong or something but not putting op down for his thoughts i was just sharing what i have come across also being on both ends ,sorry i can be very blunt an upfront most dont like that if i offended u sorry was not ment to .

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

I think it's equally hard on both sides. It's such a unique relationship dynamic and it's hard to find partners who want to participate so it's very easy to eagerly jump into a relationship ignoring the flags because how rarely the opportunity arises and lets face it no one likes being alone. My ex was not a bad guy he was actually a very good guy that just chose to leave in the most abrupt and painful way possible lol. And I think he made a point that fits very well in this topic that he had none of the characteristics that I looked for in a man and that in fact he was quite the opposite and it never would have worked anyways. I think maybe from the start we both knew it wasn't a good match but we both wanted to try anyways which led to him being apparently incredibly unhappy and miserable. I didn't know he was so unhappy. It's hard on both ends to ignore the temptation of not being alone even when you know it's not right.     It's hard to turn away attention when you're lonely.

[Kittyara207]

I have been the used, lied to, ghosted and just ignored by people not just in the dynamic.  I have been told I didn't act Little enough or too much.  That i talk too much, that i get distracted too easily and forget stuff or go off topic.  That i am just too much.  Had reported people here after offering me an allowance, one asked for pics and they'd give me money it was scary and creepy.  I was about to just give up trying with it all until one day last year.

But i know other Littles have had things worse.  I have seen CGs that have been used, ghosted, that have been asked for money, and lied to.  I have heard so many CGs that seemed to be great give up the dynamic almost fully or fully due to being hurt.  

It's like that in the real world people will find your weakness and if possible exploit it and it hurts.  But I have found and told many times communication is very important if something is truly bothering you be honest about it.  Loneliness is tough and will make us all do stupid stuff and make stupid decisions.   I am great at making mistakes and bad decisions.  Searching for your happy is tough.  

I have seen people use the site to call others out.  People who don't get closure on relationships that are ended.  But I have also heard a handful of happily ever afters too.  It's hard when you start to feel close and fall for someone and it ends either abruptly and painfully.  Each day you go ahead and make a step forward it takes away someone else's power over you, the pain is lessened a bit more.  I hope even those that have used people find their happy.  I don't want to see anyone hurt.

[VSoftDaddyDomV]

On 4/4/2024 at 2:15 AM, DizzPinkUnicorn said:

To be honest I have deal a lot with that...

Daddy's only use littles, on my personal experience I decided to be a "lonely little"....

🌷

I have found that to be a bit different. I have found that all the Littles I've known 'found an excuse' to use me and then leave. The ones that I've developed a close pair bond with over the past 7 or 8 years. I had one that married another Daddy, but I figure that's what they wanted, as they instantly got pregnant and had 2 kids. One that just decided that their life interests and other men were more interesting at the time.(this one I can't blame entirely they did warn me) Another that just simply said there was too much distance involved and they loved partying more than me. Some just stopped talking and gave no reason at all which was the saddest of all. I mean I don't go back and go, "Jeezzz, that's awful. More like how sad, what about he possibilities of happiness and a better relationship together?"

The sad part is to begin with most of these people were not really being forthright. But I suppose in the initial meeting nobody is? They just want you to begin with then they decide afterward they got conflicts with your life goals or 'want list out of a partner'? I don't know it does appear that any healthy mature individual should know these things by a certain age. 

[VSoftDaddyDomV]

On 4/4/2024 at 7:42 AM, FillYouWithMe said:

Accidentally got into a rant, as DDlg dating/seeking in general is a hot topic for me. 😅 TL;DR for those who don't want to read: Most Littles get swarmed every time they seek, and promised that they'll be "taken care of" by a "fully supportive Dom/me" and made to believe that person has it all together. In reality, that's all bullshit, but they can get the idea in their head that it all might really be true. They can get into the idea that being a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver can mean that that person can be perfect, so it's hard as one of us to be "good enough" when the bar was accidentally raised so high by pseudo-Dom/me con artists. So, when they do find someone worth giving that title to, that person isn't deemed good enough because they're a human with human problems.

I think it's a problem of how saturated the "Daddy Dating Pool" is vs. how eager Littles are to get involved. Littles get swarmed by Daddy Doms, both legit and fake, and it can be easy to get lost in the idea that the ones that tell you what you want to hear are the ones that will give you exactly what they promise. One of my friends is plagued with people claiming they can be good to her, and then they start to show the red flags (anger issues, manipulative attitudes, consent violations, etc.) and the options are to either give up on the one that you thought would be nice (often times in my experience talking with Littles, after you've ghosted the rest of them) or hope you're just overreacting.

In my time being in this dynamic, I've seen countless times where someone poses as a Daddy/Mommy and clearly don't possess the qualities to fill that role. But at the same time, I've seen those people find enthusiastic Littles who are more than willing to jump into a dynamic with them rather than admit they should look at the red flags. "Sub frenzy" is the coined term for it, I believe. The idea that this just has to be a good Dom/me, because they said they are.. And they're confident about it.

Once it's happened too many times, some littles feel as though it's a hopeless endeavor much like this sentiment. Now, this statement isn't to berate someone who has been treated poorly by bad Dom/mes, but it creates a narrative that all or most Dom/mes are bad. I do think it's a vast number, potentially even a majority of people who refer to themselves as Dom/mes that are genuinely not equipped to handle the task at hand. But finding a partner in DDlg and the like is basically just Tinder with extra expectations. Sometimes, you're just gonna get dick pics.

I implore people to have resources available to new partners that help to underline core values and red flags, even something as simple as asking a partner to binge watch some of Evie Lupine's videos (I'm biased, as she's one of my favorite BDSM-based influencers) that delve into the bad's and the good's of people that get involved in the scene. And to push Littles / Submissives to step into every new potential relationship with a hefty amount of skepticism at first. But it should also be understood that it's the Little / Submissives' responsibility to look out for themselves over all other things, because someone putting "Daddy" in their username or bio doesn't make them a good person. I will never let myself be Middle with someone unless I know I can trust them, and that should be the standard.

That's an eyeful and thank you for writing and putting some depth in there. There are so many people that have flown into the Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver/Little/Middle/Subby/Dom/Etc... Dynamic with 50 Shades and the Tumblr craze it moved over to the mainstream where people in the regular world have an idea of what the concept of DDLG is. I am sure that there is a lot of people that are just really interested in exploring the idea and or find it neat, fetishy or otherwise. I can't blame anyone for trying something out but making lavish promises to someone. That is where the line has to be drawn. You can't promise someone something you can't deliver and put their hopes up like that and not expect it's going to end really bad. I have seen it work all ways in this regard. 

I've had plenty of exploratory relationships where it was well explained and understood at least that it was just a trial. I think that anyone getting into this has to put up a trial relationship status that can end at any moment and spend 'a good deal of time' getting to know you rather than making plans or otherwise investing 'real feelings'. Is a must if you want to keep your sanity. If I believed how many times a Little(so called or person) called me Daddy that I was there Daddy I'd be a Daddy 1000 Times and this is no exaggeration. I doubt 99% of them meant more than an evening or an hour. It was just interesting and cool to them. I think the same syndrome happens in reverse and yeah........people may expect that you understand that they're just trialing or some may not have malicious intent but in reality they should say it, "I'm just interested in the fetish or the closeness and the actual name itself means nothing to me or I'm interested in a relationship more than a ddlg relationship. Or whatever. I could run on and on like a run on sentence." 

Ultimately yeah a lot of people are getting hurt that's the wrong in it all cause people aren't up front about their intentions I guess. That's what experience I suppose gets you, you tend to see that. I know that most people don't mean what they say but I can tell when they do at least at the time cause I've heard lies 100 times before like it. Someone whose newer to relationships an inexperienced will get outfoxed. And YES there are droves in this relationship type. Especially now...

 

P.S. and to say I've never made an error or multiple ones myself would be a big ego trip...Just I try to get it right as much as I can when I can. Admit when I am wrong I Think. I try at least. 

Edited April 5 by VSoftDaddyDomV

[VSoftDaddyDomV]

22 hours ago, xolilbunnyprincessxo said:

I think it's equally hard on both sides. It's such a unique relationship dynamic and it's hard to find partners who want to participate so it's very easy to eagerly jump into a relationship ignoring the flags because how rarely the opportunity arises and lets face it no one likes being alone. My ex was not a bad guy he was actually a very good guy that just chose to leave in the most abrupt and painful way possible lol. And I think he made a point that fits very well in this topic that he had none of the characteristics that I looked for in a man and that in fact he was quite the opposite and it never would have worked anyways. I think maybe from the start we both knew it wasn't a good match but we both wanted to try anyways which led to him being apparently incredibly unhappy and miserable. I didn't know he was so unhappy. It's hard on both ends to ignore the temptation of not being alone even when you know it's not right.     It's hard to turn away attention when you're lonely.

This story seems to be repeated and I've been there and how unfortunate when something that can be so wonderful doesn't work out as how 'rare it really is in life'. People I think in olden times really went out of their way to make things work cause in those times you had to have the pair bond and family unit as it was a tradition and functional machine and in this day and age you can afford not but but where they really happy in those times or just suffering. It's all so complex and what does it have to be, why can't be simpler and I can't say how sad again that makes me feel you lost someone special. Loneliness is painful but then again bad relationships are more painful. or non functioning ones Hmmmm I'll shut up now and I'll leave this topic to others to converse as obviously this is nothing new or remotely rare

 

relationships are TOUGH in 2024 they're somehow even tougher to make work and or function as they should to enrich 2 people's lives and bring joy and happiness ❤️ 

Edited April 5 by VSoftDaddyDomV

[MissNMTX]

We talk so often about how this dynamic is so different, but honestly it's not. Relationships are hard! Dassies can be mistreated and hurt same as in little can. We're all just people. Life is hard! Sometimes one partner is going to need more than the other. Both partners have to be there for the other. Me talk all the time about how the bond of this dynamic can be so strong and intense. Why on earth, would we think both partners wouldn't need support/encouragement? That's crazy selfish thinking.

For the personally, I always try to be a safe place for my daddy, somewhere that he wants to be. Not obligated to be. I try my best to give back everything I get and to be for him everything I need from him.

This seems rambly to me. I hope it makes sense.

[NickyB]

This has been an enlightening conversation for me. I haven't seriously explored the cg/lg side of things before but have posted on other penpal sites where the same thing happens, and that is mainly just people looking for friendship. However, I am assuming most people here are looking for something considerably more than friendship, and that is what makes it all more painful, especially when the possibilities for finding someone who meets your requirements are considerably reduced compared to the majority of the population. Hence why a site like this is so important. I am saddened that anyone would try to take advantage of anyone else, especially in such a small community where a lot of people have come just to try and find acceptance, support and security.

[PapaMax]

I mean it's not like this doesn't happen in all circles, vanilla dating is full of people who will use and exploit you. The idea that every little is just some innocent little lamb looking for a daddy to protect her from the mean old world is as ridiculous as it it borderline sexist, bad people come in all genders. Deep down even the best of us can be a little selfish at times. It'd be remiss of me to say I've never broken anyone's heart, though i hope at least they'd agree I let them down gently and I never ghosted anyone or cheated.

At least as men in the dating pool we can be more worried about rejection and humiliation than being violently assaulted in some way (though of course I'm not suggesting that only happens to women either).

I've experienced a lot of the things you describe too in my decades in this community. For once I'd like a potential little to put me first, and not always find other things that are somehow more important than us, but I guess that's just the way of the world now, I should get my head out the clouds, love don't pay the bills does it?

[Cebakes]

Ive only had several DDLG relationships and they were great. I will say this is a great site and community here, but like any community, there are some creepy folks out there.

The creepiest thing that I’ve experienced,  was last month a daddy on Fet messaged me and said he would be proud if I would be his daughter’s daddy.  I thought it was odd and his profile was banned later in the day.

Two weeks ago I got a message on Fet from a married daddy who said his wife had a daddy when she was young and they wanted their daughters to have a daddy.  I’m sure it was the same guy. His  profile.was several years old and full of posts.  He proposed me meeting his family at a New Jersey beach this summer.  I emailed him back and knew where this was going. Asked him how old his daughters were, and they were 13, 15, 16!!  I reported him and told Fet what he was proposing was morally wrong, and most likely they were already guilty of conspiring to do something illegal.

The Internet is a great place to meet people, but you really need to be cautious and ready for anything out there. 

 

 

[beanbean]

48 minutes ago, Cebakes said:

Ive only had several DDLG relationships and they were great. I will say this is a great site and community here, but like any community, there are some creepy folks out there.

The creepiest thing that I’ve experienced,  was last month a daddy on Fet messaged me and said he would be proud if I would be his daughter’s daddy.  I thought it was odd and his profile was banned later in the day.

Two weeks ago I got a message on Fet from a married daddy who said his wife had a daddy when she was young and they wanted their daughters to have a daddy.  I’m sure it was the same guy. His  profile.was several years old and full of posts.  He proposed me meeting his family at a New Jersey beach this summer.  I emailed him back and knew where this was going. Asked him how old his daughters were, and they were 13, 15, 16!!  I reported him and told Fet what he was proposing was morally wrong, and most likely they were already guilty of conspiring to do something illegal.

The Internet is a great place to meet people, but you really need to be cautious and ready for anything out there. 

 

 

Well yeah being careful is important but hugh creepiness is a people thing not a dominant, Daddy,little,or sub thing just a people thing but yes always be careful 

[MissNMTX]

This tread is starting to make me a bit sad. There really truly is so much youck out there! Regardless of any gender or label.

[Guest Amethyst_MoonDream218]

On 4/3/2024 at 10:14 PM, VSoftDaddyDomV said:

I hear a great deal about Littles/Middles/Cared For individuals saying they don't get what they want from a relationship, are lied to or otherwise ill treated. Though shoe on the other foot:

1. I see a lot of daddies/caregivers that are emotional punching bags.

2. Validation....

3. Someone to confide it, friendzone and or otherwise not treat as more than a temporary bandage for loneliness.

I see this a great deal and experienced it first hand and I don't think it's ever talked about. The light is only pointed one way.

 

Recently I experienced this about 10 or 15 times with people including ghosting, being used, lied to and otherwise just not really being treated what I feel is fair. Now what I feel is fair is not necessarily important but it does appear that it's a two way street, these relationships. And way too many people don't look both ways. Do you feel the same or can relate? 

I can relate with this all too well. I've run into a lot of Daddy Dom's who have tried to use me or lead me on which makes me even more depressed anytime this happens. You're completely right, it's a two way street. I've got to a point where I was close to giving up, but I just took a short break from it all to focus on myself. The last Daddy Dom completely ghosted me without saying a word to me. I knew it was time for me to step away. I truly hope you find what you're looking for. I don't have all the answers for you, but I do relate on what you feel. I'm sorry that all of that happened to you though.