Feeling disappointed

[Guest Enchanted_DreamFairy]

I got into DDlg a few years ago. I define myself as a Middle, I am not sure what age I am. Just wanted to post this and see if anyone can relate to the way I feel. At first I was feeling very excited when Daddies began speaking to me. So many of them seemed interested, and I always have chatted with some who began talking about sex right off the bat. They didn't even bother to ask me about myself, ask me questions or take the time to get to know me. They just wanted me to submit to them. I'm 41 years old. There were a few people who told me that I was way too old for this lifestyle and that I should just look more into BDSM. This doesn't define me as a person. I'm a gentle type of person and frankly pain triggers me. I get that some people are into that kink and love to be degraded or humiliated, but that's not me. I'm not judging anyone who is, believe me, I respect people as individuals and I'm not the type to judge people. Everyone likes different things and I'm aware of that. It just doesn't work for me. 

I'm just really disappointed. Anytime I talk to a new Daddy, and they begin talking about sex right off the bat, I feel disappointed and frustrated to say the least. I was close to just dropping this and deciding to walk away from DDlg altogether but I still have hope left that I could find a Daddy who does appreciate me as a person and who will take the time to get to know me. Rushing into things makes me nervous. I did have one Daddy a year ago. One day, I was really upset and he ended up leaving me shortly after, just because I was upset and crying to him. "I didn't sign up for this." This is what he said to me and it broke my heart. I thought he would have been a little bit more supportive but it didn't happen that way. I am just posting this due to my frustration and hoping others can relate to the way I feel. I've been taking a step back away from DDlg to focus more on myself. I'm glad I decided to share this though. Now I'm very cautious when I talk to new Daddies because of what happened. One day though I know I'll find a Daddy, I'm just going to be patient.

Thanks for listening. 🙂

[chris23102310]

Oh no.

That sounds horrible. 

You really have had a lot of bad experiences, I can tell you that there a lot of good supportive daddies around here.

There are sadly some people that mistake ddlg as a way to have easy access to sex. 

Do not give up  

[Aikko]

First off, I’m sorry you’ve experienced this, but I fear it is all too common. Long extended commentary aside, I’ve experienced similar, but have come to realize this is a niche lifestyle and those truly interested or in it for the right reasons will not do the things we have experienced like this. I think part of it is people are attracted to it because they think all littles are just “roleplaying” and that we are all secretly super sexual just playing coy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think uneducated is a great word for it and emotionally stunted or unwilling to learn could be another term, but either way. I am glad you realize your value is worth more than what you’ve had so far. 💜 If you ever need a little friend, I’m always around.

[Cebakes]

4 hours ago, Enchanted_DreamFairy said:

I got into DDlg a few years ago. I define myself as a Middle, I am not sure what age I am. Just wanted to post this and see if anyone can relate to the way I feel. At first I was feeling very excited when Daddies began speaking to me. So many of them seemed interested, and I always have chatted with some who began talking about sex right off the bat. They didn't even bother to ask me about myself, ask me questions or take the time to get to know me. They just wanted me to submit to them. I'm 41 years old. There were a few people who told me that I was way too old for this lifestyle and that I should just look more into BDSM. This doesn't define me as a person. I'm a gentle type of person and frankly pain triggers me. I get that some people are into that kink and love to be degraded or humiliated, but that's not me. I'm not judging anyone who is, believe me, I respect people as individuals and I'm not the type to judge people. Everyone likes different things and I'm aware of that. It just doesn't work for me. 

I'm just really disappointed. Anytime I talk to a new Daddy, and they begin talking about sex right off the bat, I feel disappointed and frustrated to say the least. I was close to just dropping this and deciding to walk away from DDlg altogether but I still have hope left that I could find a Daddy who does appreciate me as a person and who will take the time to get to know me. Rushing into things makes me nervous. I did have one Daddy a year ago. One day, I was really upset and he ended up leaving me shortly after, just because I was upset and crying to him. "I didn't sign up for this." This is what he said to me and it broke my heart. I thought he would have been a little bit more supportive but it didn't happen that way. I am just posting this due to my frustration and hoping others can relate to the way I feel. I've been taking a step back away from DDlg to focus more on myself. I'm glad I decided to share this though. Now I'm very cautious when I talk to new Daddies because of what happened. One day though I know I'll find a Daddy, I'm just going to be patient.

Thanks for listening. 🙂

Don’t give up, I can assure you there are many many daddies that would love to have a middle in her early 40’s.  I’ve been looking in the Philly area for a long time…ugh.. I would be concerned about daddies that use the word submit, especially so early after just starting to talk.  Sounds like they are more of a dom.  Submission is earned, not quickly labeled.   As far as jumping right into sexual talk, it can be many things, including low intelligence,  being a sex addict, that type of behavior is normal in their world, they are not a daddy, lack of self control, they are trying to shock you, low self esteem, et al. 
 

EDIT>you need to think that you are a young woman and you have 45+ good years ahead

Edited April 29, 2024 by Cebakes

[beanbean]

Sadly there are people that just think about sex if that bothers you that much and I can understand why it would  you need  make it clear in your profile that's not what your looking for and it might scare far share of them off. Also your not too old and it seems you know what you want so just let people know there will be no setting.good luck get sure

[Juju]

*Maybe a bit lengthy. Soooooo, you might wanna sit back and relax.*

~ Hello! First off, I'm also very sorry that you've experienced this. It's not uncommon, unfortunately. But I can say, there are good and bad in any lifestyle you choose. What's most important above EVERYTHING else, is... What is going to make YOU happy. Not your family, friends or others in this lifestyle, but you and you alone. Now! Let's address some of your concerns:

"I got into DDlg a few years ago. I define myself as a Middle, I am not sure what age I am. Just wanted to post this and see if anyone can relate to the way I feel."

~ I, personally and I'm sure, many others can relate. It's not easy to start new in any relationship, let alone get accustomed to a part of yourself that may seem uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and just not to sure about this lifestyle in general. It's a big deal. Not to be taken to lightly, that's for sure.

 "At first I was feeling very excited when Daddies began speaking to me. So many of them seemed interested,and I always have chatted with some who began talking about sex right off the bat. They didn't even bother to ask me about myself, ask me questions or take the time to get to know me."

~ Unfortunately, this is pretty typical. And when you're still getting use to things, New and inexperienced, you can get a bit overwhelmed. You, however, don't have to talk to them. You have a choice, always! Never let a Dom, Daddy or anyone for that matter, tell you anything differently! Don't let them belittle you. If you don't want it, say so! And if they decide they don't want to talk to you after you tell them no, they're not worth your time and effort in the first place! 

 "They just wanted me to submit to them."

~ Of course they did! Because a lot of the so called "Doms", feel it is their right. They expect it. And if you don't, they tell you, you're not a "true submissive", that you " Have no idea what it is to be one.. " etc... Again, Don't let them degrade you in anyway! Just because we're submissive, personality or otherwise, doesn't give them any earthly right to your submission in anyway. That's yours to give. Not theirs to take! And I might add, not every little, middle... Is a submissive. There's alot of misconceptions about this I think. 

"I'm 41 years old. There were a few people who told me that I was way too old for this lifestyle and that I should just look more into BDSM."

~I was about your age when I discovered this lifestyle. Before i even realized I was a little, even. I started as a sub, then a slave, and then my little self felt safe enough to emerge. I am now 60 years old. I will be 61 in June. To me, you don't out grow, get to old, or just walk away from this way of life. I can't. I know there are many others here that can't either.  You have to see yourself as the person you wanna be , who you are inside. Not the person others perceive you to be or think you should be. You'll never be happy that way.

"This doesn't define me as a person."

~Nor should it! We're all very complex individuals. If one thing and one thing only defined us, what a boring place this would be!

"I'm a gentle type of person and frankly pain triggers me."

~ As it does for many others. You're not alone in that. And those that do, like it in different degrees and situations and in different ways. 

"I get that some people are into that kink and love to be degraded or humiliated, but that's not me."

No, the BDSM side of this lifestyle, is not for everyone to be sure. There are, however, many aspects of the BDSM lifestyle, then just that particular preference. Just like in any relationship, whether it be one of these; BDSM, DDLG, MDLG, M/s, D/s, or a "regular" relationship, communication must be the most important factor of the whole dynamic. 

"I'm not judging anyone who is, believe me, I respect people as individuals and I'm not the type to judge people. Everyone likes different things and I'm aware of that. It just doesn't work for me."

~ And THAT is perfectly fine!  You choose this for yourself! And no, we are all certainly not the same.

"I'm just really disappointed. Anytime I talk to a new Daddy, and they begin talking about sex right off the bat, I feel disappointed and frustrated to say the least."

~ If I may suggest something, without sounding bossy, or whatever... Maybe put in your "about me" section of your profile, something along those lines. Your preferences, what you're looking for, etc... Stress that you are not looking for text sex. However you want to word it, to describe yourself and your needs and wants. Most will take the hint and not bother, others, the ones that think, "no" means "yes" or just didn't read your profile in the first place, will still contact you. But just delete, block. It works pretty good! 

"I was close to just dropping this and deciding to walk away from DDlg altogether but I still have hope left that I could find a Daddy who does appreciate me as a person and who will take the time to get to know me."

~ Please! Don't ever give up! I almost did! And right in the nick of time, My Daddy answered my last effort i was going to make! If I had completely given up, I never would have been found. We've been together for 13 years. Bad and good. Up and down. Just like any other relationship. Those Daddy's ARE out there. It just takes time, patience and perseverance. It took me, personally, to find a good one...6-7 years! But, that's just when it was supposed to happen. Just as it will for you also. It'll happen when it is time.

"Rushing into things makes me nervous. I did have one Daddy a year ago. One day, I was really upset and he ended up leaving me shortly after, just because I was upset and crying to him. "I didn't sign up for this." This is what he said to me and it broke my heart. I thought he would have been a little bit more supportive but it didn't happen that way."

~ Don't rush! It's just not a good thing to do. If they want you to, walk away. More times then not, there's another agenda in play and you don't want to be a part of it! Specify at the beginning, both of you, what you want. What you expect in a relationship. What is a hard limit and what isn't? Are you looking for the same things? Things that will be beneficial to both of you in the long run. Then... Get to know one another, take your time.  Your future Daddy should be able to listen and offer what you need at the end of the day. When all is said and done.

 "I am just posting this due to my frustration and hoping others can relate to the way I feel. I've been taking a step back away from DDlg to focus more on myself." 

~ Sometimes you just have to let yourself breath. Take a break. Mentally and emotionally. Decide what you want and what makes YOU happy. Your the only one that can. Having a Daddy, Dom, whatever label you give him/her, only adds to it, but they can't decide it for you. You make yourself happy first.

"I'm glad I decided to share this though. Now I'm very cautious when I talk to new Daddies because of what happened. One day though I know I'll find a Daddy, I'm just going to be patient."

~ I'm very glad you shared this with us also! I hope, in some way, I could help. And these are just my humble opinions from which come from personal experience. Being cautious isn't a bad thing. Not at all! And I'm pretty sure, one day also, you WILL find your Daddy. Patience is a virtue, so they say! I'm still trying to find mine! 😊

"Thanks for listening"

~ Thank you for reading my Looong book! And if you ever need to talk, my box is open. 🤗

Best wishes and happiness for you!

Juju💖✨🐇