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Advice for setting a good foundation within the dynamic?


Yoshi_Yoshi

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I recently started a platonic dom sub relationship (we care a lot about each other just not in a romantic way) and I was wondering what other people cg/l relationship look like as far as the technical side of things, like what are hard boundaries do you have with your caregiver? Or what are rules you wished you established? 
 

And I guess I have one bonus question: do you talk to your dom everyday?  

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Bonus question: Depends! Some people are living the dynamic 24/7 and some people aren't, also people have different work/life schedules and should be accommodated. If you're asking for your own sake, talk to your caregiver about it and do whatever works for both of you. It's ok to talk every day and it's ok to have a communication schedule that fits the circumstances, whichever works best for your partnership. 

 

One super helpful thing that I've implemented is keeping a daily journal to document Sleep, Meals, Self-Care, a To-Do list, and misc. reminders. Basically all of the the things that lots of littles struggle to get done/remember. After I complete the task on my list I put a sticker to mark it as done. It's been a practical way to stay on track/give myself notes of things I need to remember (I am a forgetful girl lol) and doing it like a sticker chart is really fun! I use washi tape, colorful pens/markers, and special paper that I put in my wallet so I always have it with me instead of lugging around a whole notebook and it's handy. You could do this independently or with a caregiver! Something like that is a good way to be on the same page with your caregiver on what you need to take care of/do every day even when they (or you) are temporarily unavailable. Stickers can be counted to put towards rewards too for being good and I think it's fun even though I've kind of blown that part off.

 

There's also apps you can use for basically that same idea either alone or with your caregiver if you prefer digital. I'm a total nerd for office supplies so I dig having the physical journal/stickers/supplies and it makes planning my week more fun for me. I don't necessarily have rules for myself (let's be honest, if I ask myself for permission to eat too much hot cheetos I'm gonna say yes even if I had a rule against it lol) but I religiously stick to using my sticker journal so I'm taking care of myself and handling my business on a daily basis, which is kind of the bulk of what I need outside of emotional support type of stuff.

 

With previous partners one of the issues I had a lot was attempts to force rules on me that I thought were irrelevant to my needs to stay on the right track/do what I'm supposed to do, which is just silly and counterproductive. For me personally, dumb rules that don't have a legitimate meaning/purpose feels like a burden and I get overwhelmed and ready to just break all of them, even the ones that do matter. Implementing rules is cool but they need to matter and have purpose otherwise there's no point, so the big thing is to communicate with your caregiver about what you each need/don't need out of it and go from there. Dynamics should be a personal experience, and I don't recommend using cookie cutter/stereotypical ways of handling things, especially rules. There's lots of different ways to have a successful dynamic so there's no need for you or your partner to shove yourself into a mold of how things "should" be done. Getting ideas from others to contribute to your brainstorming is great but remember that if it's all safe, sane, and consensual between you and your partner it's all good!

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I think it sll boils down too communication as long as you talk to each other and sort it all before you start .rules, boundaries how much you you want to talk and  such 

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Thank you for your advice I’m gonna think it over for a couple days then have a conversation about it what we both want. We’ve been really good with communication so far so we should be on the right track already.

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That sounds great! If it'd be helpful for you, you could write a list to keep track of any rules/ideas that you want to bring up when you get a chance to talk things over after you've had time to think about it.

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2 hours ago, Yoshi_Yoshi said:

Thank you for your advice I’m gonna think it over for a couple days then have a conversation about it what we both want. We’ve been really good with communication so far so we should be on the right track already.

I truly hope everything works for you

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