Anyone else?

[Flower_Dragon]

Do you ever think that maybe the combination of things that you are, the things that make you the person you are, is a combination no one else wants?

This isn't the same as feeling unlovable or unworthy of love.  At one point, certainly, I did have feelings like that.  This, though, is something else.

With this, there's no one to blame really.  They can't help how they feel, and these are things about me that I can't change even if I wanted to.  That also means there's no lingering sense of, well if I did this or if I did that.  Because in the same way that I'm not entitled to anyone's love or attention, they aren't entitled to change from me.  

It's an interesting headspace to be in.  On one hand, I'm no longer convinced I'm unlovable, which is good.  On the other hand, the idea that who I am as a person is not someone other people want a relationship with isn't fantastic.  

And for anyone reading this, I'm doing objectively better than I was even 5 years ago.  I'm not in a bad place, persay, I just wanted to give voice to a thought that lingers.  

Also, I see you, I hear you, you are valid, and I love you. 🥰

[redruffle41]

Thanks for sharing!! You definitely sound like you're in a pensive mindset....I'm so curious about the different parts of you tho? Sometimes the more we learn and discover about ourselves the more specific we get about who we are and our personalities. How to handle that in the context of a relationship is complex.....sounds like you are looking for someone who can accept and love all of you. 

[Dangerously_Well]

That's a really insightful and brave thing to put into words. It's a complex feeling, to acknowledge that you're not unlovable, but to also grapple with the idea that your specific combination of traits might not be what someone else is looking for. It's a different kind of vulnerability.

It sounds like you've reached a place of self-acceptance, which is a huge accomplishment. You're recognizing that you're not responsible for others' preferences, and that you're not obligated to change yourself to fit someone else's mold. That's incredibly empowering.

It's also mature to acknowledge that this isn't a "blame game." You're taking ownership of your own experience without placing fault on others.

It's important to hold onto that progress you've made, that acknowledgment that you're doing better than before. This thought that lingers doesn't have to define you or negate the growth you've achieved.

Thank you for sharing this. It's a really honest and relatable feeling, and it's valuable to give voice to those complex emotions. And thank you for the reminder that we all deserve to be seen and validated.

[beanbean]

4 hours ago, Flower_Dragon said:

Do you ever think that maybe the combination of things that you are, the things that make you the person you are, is a combination no one else wants?

This isn't the same as feeling unlovable or unworthy of love.  At one point, certainly, I did have feelings like that.  This, though, is something else.

With this, there's no one to blame really.  They can't help how they feel, and these are things about me that I can't change even if I wanted to.  That also means there's no lingering sense of, well if I did this or if I did that.  Because in the same way that I'm not entitled to anyone's love or attention, they aren't entitled to change from me.  

It's an interesting headspace to be in.  On one hand, I'm no longer convinced I'm unlovable, which is good.  On the other hand, the idea that who I am as a person is not someone other people want a relationship with isn't fantastic.  

And for anyone reading this, I'm doing objectively better than I was even 5 years ago.  I'm not in a bad place, persay, I just wanted to give voice to a thought that lingers.  

Also, I see you, I hear you, you are valid, and I love you. 🥰

Well we just got to be ourselves and if there someone that’s compatible with that it’s all good , I do believe there is enough of us out there the there are probably something for everyone. But also our heads love to trick us in to thinking we are not worthy as well

[Flower_Dragon]

On 5/11/2025 at 8:52 AM, redruffle41 said:

Thanks for sharing!! You definitely sound like you're in a pensive mindset....I'm so curious about the different parts of you tho? Sometimes the more we learn and discover about ourselves the more specific we get about who we are and our personalities. How to handle that in the context of a relationship is complex.....sounds like you are looking for someone who can accept and love all of you. 

Pensive, maybe.  I'm not blind to my own growth, the different ways I interact with things and people as I figure myself out.  Some days are better than others certainly.  It's also as much about fully accepting and embracing myself too.  

As for the parts of me I'm talking about, I'd say there are 4 major ones that could cause difficulties.  

Starting with the obvious, I'm little.  That's probably not a shock.  

I'm also an atheist.  Life long, I have no religious trauma, I just didn't grow up in a religious household.  Well...I wouldn't call it trauma, but there was an incident in my 20s.  It's really just an unpleasant memory that's stuck around.

I'm asexual.  This is something I figured out in my thirties, while I was in a relationship.  That was weird.  Also, nothing to do with trauma.  

And the thing that makes all three things more complicated, I'm autistic.  And the reveal, for most people, seems to trigger an automatic response in their brain.  Didn't figure that out till my 30s either.  

All things I can not change.  And if they were changed would affect my personality pretty drastically.  So, the things that make me who I am.

And whether you have one or not, think you deserve one or not, I think most people want a 'ride or die' kind of connection.  At least one.  

[Flower_Dragon]

On 5/11/2025 at 12:24 PM, Dangerously_Well said:

That's a really insightful and brave thing to put into words. It's a complex feeling, to acknowledge that you're not unlovable, but to also grapple with the idea that your specific combination of traits might not be what someone else is looking for. It's a different kind of vulnerability.

It sounds like you've reached a place of self-acceptance, which is a huge accomplishment. You're recognizing that you're not responsible for others' preferences, and that you're not obligated to change yourself to fit someone else's mold. That's incredibly empowering.

It's also mature to acknowledge that this isn't a "blame game." You're taking ownership of your own experience without placing fault on others.

It's important to hold onto that progress you've made, that acknowledgment that you're doing better than before. This thought that lingers doesn't have to define you or negate the growth you've achieved.

Thank you for sharing this. It's a really honest and relatable feeling, and it's valuable to give voice to those complex emotions. And thank you for the reminder that we all deserve to be seen and validated.

I am essentially a very soft, teeny tiny baby.  But like a gremlin baby.  Or a crow.  I'll bring you shiny things if you're nice and remember your face for five years whether you're nice or not. 

Or like...3 raccoons in trenchcoat, still mad about that cotton candy in the water incident.  

Seriously though, thank you.  This was very sweet to read.  

(middle raccoon is typing this...shh...)

[redruffle41]

2 hours ago, Flower_Dragon said:

Pensive, maybe.  I'm not blind to my own growth, the different ways I interact with things and people as I figure myself out.  Some days are better than others certainly.  It's also as much about fully accepting and embracing myself too.  

As for the parts of me I'm talking about, I'd say there are 4 major ones that could cause difficulties.  

Starting with the obvious, I'm little.  That's probably not a shock.  

I'm also an atheist.  Life long, I have no religious trauma, I just didn't grow up in a religious household.  Well...I wouldn't call it trauma, but there was an incident in my 20s.  It's really just an unpleasant memory that's stuck around.

I'm asexual.  This is something I figured out in my thirties, while I was in a relationship.  That was weird.  Also, nothing to do with trauma.  

And the thing that makes all three things more complicated, I'm autistic.  And the reveal, for most people, seems to trigger an automatic response in their brain.  Didn't figure that out till my 30s either.  

All things I can not change.  And if they were changed would affect my personality pretty drastically.  So, the things that make me who I am.

And whether you have one or not, think you deserve one or not, I think most people want a 'ride or die' kind of connection.  At least one.  

@Flower_Dragonthanks for sharing!!! I respect and honor your list of attributes!!! I think that combo has a match out there......

[BabyPoppy]

@Flower_Dragon Thank you for your honest and direct thoughts. I, too struggle with lotsa stuff in my life and I have often felt as you do that maybe my stuff is too big, too much for someone else. I was also diagnosed after 30, but with ADHD, anxiety and I do have trauma, lotsa trauma.  I have physical health stuff too. I am a Christian,  but in some ways I think that makes things more difficult. Finding people who truly support me celebrating my faith can be challenging.  Being little is also still new to me... about 2 years since I knew anything about the community. 

I think we all struggle with these thoughts to some degree, but I agree, it is a sign of maturity to be able to give voice to them. Accepting who you are is a great step in finding someone who is compatible with you! The more honest I am about who I am , the easier it is to make decisions about possible Caregivers.  

Thank you for being honest about your journey. I know there's hope. There are many people out there, but it takes time. Relax and enjoy being little.  I love your reference to the raccoons! I can be like that too! I remember everything people say, especially in littlespace coz I wanna be good, but if you're not looking... hehehe... it's like like Stitch from Lilo and Stitch! Sweet and innocent when getting the love and support I need and want, but if you're mean to me or the people I love it kinda snap in littlespace... hmmmm I prolly need to talk about that in therapy.... 😆  we'll get there!

 

[Flower_Dragon]

4 hours ago, Baby Manda said:

@Flower_Dragon Thank you for your honest and direct thoughts. I, too struggle with lotsa stuff in my life and I have often felt as you do that maybe my stuff is too big, too much for someone else. I was also diagnosed after 30, but with ADHD, anxiety and I do have trauma, lotsa trauma.  I have physical health stuff too. I am a Christian,  but in some ways I think that makes things more difficult. Finding people who truly support me celebrating my faith can be challenging.  Being little is also still new to me... about 2 years since I knew anything about the community. 

I think we all struggle with these thoughts to some degree, but I agree, it is a sign of maturity to be able to give voice to them. Accepting who you are is a great step in finding someone who is compatible with you! The more honest I am about who I am , the easier it is to make decisions about possible Caregivers.  

Thank you for being honest about your journey. I know there's hope. There are many people out there, but it takes time. Relax and enjoy being little.  I love your reference to the raccoons! I can be like that too! I remember everything people say, especially in littlespace coz I wanna be good, but if you're not looking... hehehe... it's like like Stitch from Lilo and Stitch! Sweet and innocent when getting the love and support I need and want, but if you're mean to me or the people I love it kinda snap in littlespace... hmmmm I prolly need to talk about that in therapy.... 😆  we'll get there!

 

That's interesting, I've always been in the outside looking in as far as religion goes, so I'm not always aware of the kind of struggles someone might have as a religious person.  I don't push or judge or condescend to people that are religious.  I think it's a waste of time. 

I do really love holidays, though, Christmas is my absolute favorite.  That actually reminds me that I have several Buncilla stockings I need to finish.  If you have not seen them, look them up.  They're amazingly tacky and over the top, I love them.

Also, I adore Lilo and Stitch, it's probably my favorite Disney movie.  That whole 2000s era was good, though.

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

Wow! You voiced that very well. I have felt that way for many, many years.

I am high functioning autistic, ADHD, mildly OCD, with anxiety, bouts of depression, and CPTSD from a plethora of past traumas due to physical, psychological and sexual abuse/assault from both childhood and as an adult. [Tip of the iceberg!] I also have several life altering health conditions that put many restrictions on what I can do, when I can do things, how I can do things, what I can eat and what foods and products I can allow in the house (contact without consumption). I'm a deconstructed christian turned witch, a little/middle, and identify with several labels under the ace umbrella. I also have a special needs teenager who is Level 2 ASD with ADHD, behavior disorder, sensory disorder, and so much more. They require a significant amount of support and I have been their sole caretaker since birth.

While I don't feel unloveable in regards to looks or personality I strongly feel like the deck is stacked against me in regards to the rest. Sure, any one or two thing could be worked around/with/made accommodations for, but everything as a whole just seems like too much for anyone to want to deal with, be they family, friend, or significant other. At least, I've yet to find anyone to prove me wrong. Hell, it often feels like too much for me to deal with, but I take a deep breath (or several), remind myself this is my life and most of these are things I can not change (the others I refuse to), and get back to doing the best that I can (more often than not with a book in hand). The difference is I don't have a choice to walk away/separate myself from most of it and other people do and they choose that option.

[Flower_Dragon]

3 hours ago, Little Nyx said:

@Flower_Dragon

Wow! You voiced that very well. I have felt that way for many, many years.

I am high functioning autistic, ADHD, mildly OCD, with anxiety, bouts of depression, and CPTSD from a plethora of past traumas due to physical, psychological and sexual abuse/assault from both childhood and as an adult. [Tip of the iceberg!] I also have several life altering health conditions that put many restrictions on what I can do, when I can do things, how I can do things, what I can eat and what foods and products I can allow in the house (contact without consumption). I'm a deconstructed christian turned witch, a little/middle, and identify with several labels under the ace umbrella. I also have a special needs teenager who is Level 2 ASD with ADHD, behavior disorder, sensory disorder, and so much more. They require a significant amount of support and I have been their sole caretaker since birth.

While I don't feel unloveable in regards to looks or personality I strongly feel like the deck is stacked against me in regards to the rest. Sure, any one or two thing could be worked around/with/made accommodations for, but everything as a whole just seems like too much for anyone to want to deal with, be they family, friend, or significant other. At least, I've yet to find anyone to prove me wrong. Hell, it often feels like too much for me to deal with, but I take a deep breath (or several), remind myself this is my life and most of these are things I can not change (the others I refuse to), and get back to doing the best that I can (more often than not with a book in hand). The difference is I don't have a choice to walk away/separate myself from most of it and other people do and they choose that option.

First, holy shit.  Second, you're metal as fuck.  Third, that's really what it amounts to.  I can't stop being who I am, I can't separate myself from it, and thus far, everyone else is, nah I'm good.  I also have a myriad of food intolerances, I wonder if any of ours match up.  

[Little Nyx]

21 hours ago, Flower_Dragon said:

First, holy shit.  Second, you're metal as fuck.  Third, that's really what it amounts to.  I can't stop being who I am, I can't separate myself from it, and thus far, everyone else is, nah I'm good.  I also have a myriad of food intolerances, I wonder if any of ours match up.  

Thank you. I don't always feel ... accomplished? (not quite the right word but best I can come up with atm)... when I'm just trying to do my best each day, but when I really look at the whole of things I can see how far I have made it and it gives me strength to keep trudging on.  

As for food allergies and intolerances, you asked for it. {wink}

Absoluely NO wheat/gluten (including all products drerived from it such as malt, grain alcohol [vanilla and other extracts], medications using it as a binder, etc), dairy of any kind, eggs (incuding medications cultured in egg), soy (including oils, fillers and binders), anything from the nightshade family (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, etc. and their derivatives [potato starch, paprika, chili powder, etc.], cucumbers, honey dew, cantaloupe, oats, peanuts (in all their forms including oil), xanthan gum, and guar gum. I've never liked sea food of any kind (except white meat fish such as tuna or trout) so I don't know if shellfish should be on this list, but I avoid it at all costs anyway cause, yuck!

So, yeah. It's a lot. Kiddo teases that soon I'll only be able to eat dirt. I lovingly remind them that they have 80% the same allergies and intolerances and one set of epi-pens I carry is for them. 

What are yours?

[Flower_Dragon]

2 hours ago, Little Nyx said:

Thank you. I don't always feel ... accomplished? (not quite the right word but best I can come up with atm)... when I'm just trying to do my best each day, but when I really look at the whole of things I can see how far I have made it and it gives me strength to keep trudging on.  

As for food allergies and intolerances, you asked for it. {wink}

Absoluely NO wheat/gluten (including all products drerived from it such as malt, grain alcohol [vanilla and other extracts], medications using it as a binder, etc), dairy of any kind, eggs (incuding medications cultured in egg), soy (including oils, fillers and binders), anything from the nightshade family (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, etc. and their derivatives [potato starch, paprika, chili powder, etc.], cucumbers, honey dew, cantaloupe, oats, peanuts (in all their forms including oil), xanthan gum, and guar gum. I've never liked sea food of any kind (except white meat fish such as tuna or trout) so I don't know if shellfish should be on this list, but I avoid it at all costs anyway cause, yuck!

So, yeah. It's a lot. Kiddo teases that soon I'll only be able to eat dirt. I lovingly remind them that they have 80% the same allergies and intolerances and one set of epi-pens I carry is for them. 

What are yours?

Yea, there's some overlap, mine aren't as severe, I don't need an epi pen or anything, but as far as where we meet in this Venn diagram, wheat, dairy, nightshades, and then, everything is a toss up.  Those 3 definitely have effects.  And at one point, I thought I was collecting allergies like Pokemon, but I wonder how much is stuff being blamed on reactions to other stuff.  Like I will react to wheat just in the air, found that out walking into a Casey's long enough to get a drink.  It's a gas station that makes pizza, just in case you don't know what a Casey's is.  I think I'm going to buckle down and do AIP for a while.  Also, I started telling people I photosynthesize.  

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

I like photosynthesize better than eating dirt! Yes, I have to be very careful with airborne and contact exposures as well. I don't eat much processed food, as it's much easier to control ingredients and possible cross contamination when cooking from whole foods. I can pretty much count on one hand the processed foods allowed into the house, and those have very few ingredients in them. I've had that comparison of collecting allergies like Pokémon run through my head more times than I can count; especially when factoring in environmental and medical allergies. 

[Flower_Dragon]

@Little Nyx Do you have favorite recipes or ones you fall back on a lot?  I assume you must.

[BabyPoppy]

So I'm watching this unfold before me going wow... I get it! Sorry your struggling but I do too! It really stinks! At point I had... dairy, gluten, eggs, corn, nightshades, citrus, melons, pork, shellfish,  fish, peanut,  tree nut, legumes, berries..... oh! Yes... latex... so banana,  avocado,  mango, kiwi... I did a rotational diet of beef or chicken in broth in a slow cooker... with rice if I could handle it... my veggies were carrots and celery... if I choose a fruit it was a stone fruit like peaches or apricots... it really was yucky... add in the environmental and medical stuff and it was terrible...I felt like I lived in a bubble!

I was super deficient in so much... but Folate was the biggest problem... and magnesium... once we got those fixed... I worked with an immunologist and got diagnosed with some hyper sensitivity... we do a FODMAP diet and eliminate foods for a time... about 6 months the slowly reintroduce them one at a time... it's under medical care, and has been successful... I still can't eat corn, nightshades, bananas, peanuts, pork, or processed foods... but I was able to add back most foods on a rotation and spread them out better. I still have all the EpiPens for me and the kids, but we don't need them. No major reactions in a few years, thankfully! We just change diets seasonally and really pay attention to the weather and what we are exposed to environmentally... life is definitely a challenge,  but it is ok to take time to heal. 

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon @BabyPoppy

Dang it! I forgot the banana! I knew I was missing something from that list!!!

I have a very uneventful, and limited diet (obviously). I have a hydro lettuce garden for leafy greens, and I make my own flour mixture for baking out of rice and cassava flour. My favorite recipe is a vegan mayo I found that tastes just like real mayo, but no egg! Mostly we eat meat and veggies. Thankfully, so far, kiddo and I are both okay with corn, as it makes up at least a third of our diet in one form or another. We haven't had much luck reintroducing foods; once they hit our NO list, they tend to stay there. 

[Flower_Dragon]

1 hour ago, BabyPoppy said:

So I'm watching this unfold before me going wow... I get it! Sorry your struggling but I do too! It really stinks! At point I had... dairy, gluten, eggs, corn, nightshades, citrus, melons, pork, shellfish,  fish, peanut,  tree nut, legumes, berries..... oh! Yes... latex... so banana,  avocado,  mango, kiwi... I did a rotational diet of beef or chicken in broth in a slow cooker... with rice if I could handle it... my veggies were carrots and celery... if I choose a fruit it was a stone fruit like peaches or apricots... it really was yucky... add in the environmental and medical stuff and it was terrible...I felt like I lived in a bubble!

I was super deficient in so much... but Folate was the biggest problem... and magnesium... once we got those fixed... I worked with an immunologist and got diagnosed with some hyper sensitivity... we do a FODMAP diet and eliminate foods for a time... about 6 months the slowly reintroduce them one at a time... it's under medical care, and has been successful... I still can't eat corn, nightshades, bananas, peanuts, pork, or processed foods... but I was able to add back most foods on a rotation and spread them out better. I still have all the EpiPens for me and the kids, but we don't need them. No major reactions in a few years, thankfully! We just change diets seasonally and really pay attention to the weather and what we are exposed to environmentally... life is definitely a challenge,  but it is ok to take time to heal. 

Woo!  One more to add to the club!  

Nah, for real, it's good that no one's had a major reaction in a while.  I also didn't realize the latex allergy affected more than bananas.  I used to do in store shopping for InstaCart and I remember one customer had very specific instructions about not letting anything touch the conveyer belt because of a latex allergy.  

[Flower_Dragon]

3 minutes ago, Little Nyx said:

@Flower_Dragon @BabyPoppy

Dang it! I forgot the banana! I knew I was missing something from that list!!!

I have a very uneventful, and limited diet (obviously). I have a hydro lettuce garden for leafy greens, and I make my own flour mixture for baking out of rice and cassava flour. My favorite recipe is a vegan mayo I found that tastes just like real mayo, but no egg! Mostly we eat meat and veggies. Thankfully, so far, kiddo and I are both okay with corn, as it makes up at least a third of our diet in one form or another. We haven't had much luck reintroducing foods; once they hit our NO list, they tend to stay there. 

Textually, how does the rice and cassava work out?  I do actually have a bag of cassava flour I haven't played with yet.

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

I feel something similar, but mine is slightly different. Mine is more of, "Why doesn't anybody like/love me? What did I do wrong?" train of thought, rather than I'm completely unlikeable or unlovable. I just wanna know why I'm alone and it's very frustrating as I feel like I can't pinpoint any real reason. But at the same time, I do know why I feel this way. I was isolated by my bio mother and just haven't reached out enough yet since getting out, to make up for the loss of physical connection that she's caused. I hope to correct that one day, but I'm still breaking the trauma bond, so it's gonna be awhile.

[Flower_Dragon]

14 hours ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

I feel something similar, but mine is slightly different. Mine is more of, "Why doesn't anybody like/love me? What did I do wrong?" train of thought, rather than I'm completely unlikeable or unlovable. I just wanna know why I'm alone and it's very frustrating as I feel like I can't pinpoint any real reason. But at the same time, I do know why I feel this way. I was isolated by my bio mother and just haven't reached out enough yet since getting out, to make up for the loss of physical connection that she's caused. I hope to correct that one day, but I'm still breaking the trauma bond, so it's gonna be awhile.

I think there can be a real disconnect between stuff you understand logically and stuff you understand emotionally.  

You did make it out.  You're brave and strong.  You'll get there.  🫂

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

You're absolutely right!

It's a feeling I deal with when I'm in larger social settings or completely by myself and is something I'm actively working to get over. It almost makes me feel like I'm an alien or ghost and am being avoided out of fear.

It's a strange feeling, but I know I'm safe now and can focus on healing.

[Little Nyx]

19 hours ago, Flower_Dragon said:

Textually, how does the rice and cassava work out?  I do actually have a bag of cassava flour I haven't played with yet.

It's very dense and heavy, even using double yeast, which does help. But it's quite tasty. Even friends who aren't gf say it tastes good. I made quite a few bricks until i got the mix right. {giggle} It makes bread that is similar to what I remember white bread tasting like, but it's much denser.  I'll work on getting my recipes posted for anyone interested. 

[Little Nyx]

17 hours ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

I feel something similar, but mine is slightly different. Mine is more of, "Why doesn't anybody like/love me? What did I do wrong?" train of thought, rather than I'm completely unlikeable or unlovable. I just wanna know why I'm alone and it's very frustrating as I feel like I can't pinpoint any real reason. But at the same time, I do know why I feel this way. I was isolated by my bio mother and just haven't reached out enough yet since getting out, to make up for the loss of physical connection that she's caused. I hope to correct that one day, but I'm still breaking the trauma bond, so it's gonna be awhile.

Trauma bonds are hard to break and take a long time to heal. My ex-h turned out to be a psychopathic narcissist that was very good at hiding his nature until I was too cut off from everyone and dependant on him, or so he thought. I don't feel like mucking through the memories right now to summarize all the abuse, and gaslighting crap he put me through. 12 years later and I am still working through triggers and healing that trauma. The fact you survived your own trauma and are putting in the work to heal and move on shows how strong you are! I'm one person, but I've been through more than my share of trauma throughout my life and I understand what that's like, however it looks, and I'm proud of you!!! You are worthy of all the good in life!

[Flower_Dragon]

45 minutes ago, Little Nyx said:

It's very dense and heavy, even using double yeast, which does help. But it's quite tasty. Even friends who aren't gf say it tastes good. I made quite a few bricks until i got the mix right. {giggle} It makes bread that is similar to what I remember white bread tasting like, but it's much denser.  I'll work on getting my recipes posted for anyone interested. 

Schweet.  Cuz I just tried to make a yeast bread.  It did not go great.  Super dry.  I can handle dense.  But dry is a problem.