Anyone else?

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

I do a lot of meal prepping, so I figured out these quantities as a bulk measurement. Feel free to fiddle and reduce if you don't need so much.

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

I make this in a bread machine. I mix the ingredients before putting it in and rise/cook without the paddle otherwise it overworks the dough. If you want to know the settings I programmed for the homemade cycle just ask. (The other preset cycles didn't cook right.) If not using a bread machine you'll want to mix the ingredients, put into bread pan or mini loaf pan and do a single proof for about 20 minutes in a warm area. If I remember correctly, I baked it for about 40 minutes at 350° but you may need to experiment with baking time and temps a little. I've been using the bread machine for several years now. 

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

I put allergen free semi sweet chocolate chips (Enjoy Life brand) on top of individual cookies and cook them in the microwave for 30-50 seconds depending on cookie size. I think when I baked them it was about 15 minutes at 350°. My kiddo prefers the microwave cooked cookies and as they are easier and quicker, that's what I go with.  

[Flower_Dragon]

@Little Nyx Cool, cool.  Now I get to ask myself if getting a bread machine is worth it.  

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@Little Nyx

Thank you and I'm glad you got out and proud of you as well!

But 12 years later? I've only managed to physically get out 2 years ago. And then had some delays on getting started with therapy again and what not. So while I'm defiantly doing much better, I've known I had a long way to go for awhile now. Just not realized how long. I do feel like the worst is over. My narc abuser was my mother, but I know tactics for narcs are largely the same, regardless of what the relationship is.

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

This comes out as a cross between a brownie and a cake, texture wise. I never tried baking it in the oven as I was already using the bread machine when I figured out the recipe. I do use the light crust setting on both the bread and the cake when cooking. (Forgot to add that in the other post). And I cook without the paddle in the machine. 

[Flower_Dragon]

1 minute ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

@Little Nyx

Thank you and I'm glad you got out and proud of you as well!

But 12 years later? I've only managed to physically get out 2 years ago. And then had some delays on getting started with therapy again and what not. So while I'm defiantly doing much better, I've known I had a long way to go for awhile now. Just not realized how long. I do feel like the worst is over. My narc abuser was my mother, but I know tactics for narcs are largely the same, regardless of what the relationship is.

Yea, healing takes time.  I completely crashed out when my Dad died.  I'm suspiciously mentally stable at this point, but this point took...*laughs* if it's not 12 years it's close.  But, honestly, the farther you get from it, the better you feel.  You'll get there.  I believe in you.  

[Flower_Dragon]

@Little Nyx Do you not measure the maple syrup?  Everything else has a measurement.  Do you measure it with your heart?

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

(If anyone doesn't know, aquafaba is the liquid from a can of chick peas.)

Aquafaba consistancy varies can to can and I've found for best results I need to cook the chick peas in their liquid a little while to reduce the aquafaba slightly, otherewise there's a chance it will be too watery and the ingredients won't combine like they should. I use a Rubermade Takealong food storage container but a jar will work too. This will last at least a month in the fridge. I use it as a condiment, a dressing for salad with various spices, and mix into rice noodles for creamy noodles. Lots of uses! 

[Little Nyx]

12 minutes ago, Flower_Dragon said:

@Little Nyx Cool, cool.  Now I get to ask myself if getting a bread machine is worth it.  

I just got a cheap little Amazon brand bread machine and it works quite well for the bread and cake. 

[Little Nyx]

14 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

@Little Nyx

Thank you and I'm glad you got out and proud of you as well!

But 12 years later? I've only managed to physically get out 2 years ago. And then had some delays on getting started with therapy again and what not. So while I'm defiantly doing much better, I've known I had a long way to go for awhile now. Just not realized how long. I do feel like the worst is over. My narc abuser was my mother, but I know tactics for narcs are largely the same, regardless of what the relationship is.

Don't use my recovery time as a yard stick. I had cptsd from past traumas ranging back into childhood (mostly healed) prior to that relationship. And he tried multiple times to kill me and my baby before I could safely get us out. Yes, my baby, not our baby. The only good thing he did was donate DNA. It was a very toxic, extremely abususive and dangerous situation. He went out of his way to reopen old wounds and add his own. I had a LOT of healing to do.

[Little Nyx]

14 minutes ago, Flower_Dragon said:

@Little Nyx Do you not measure the maple syrup?  Everything else has a measurement.  Do you measure it with your heart?

Yes, maple syrup is measured with my heart. (Garlic, too 😉) But I think it's about 1-2 Tablespoons.

[Flower_Dragon]

@Little Nyx Said it once already, gonna say it again, you're metal as fuck.  

[Little Nyx]

@Flower_Dragon

Awww. Thank you! That means a lot. It's hard to see accomplishments (or struggles) when it's day to day life. Sometimes it takes an external event or person to bring something into focus. I have an especially difficult time seeing my accomplishments and I have very few people in my life to remind me. When someone does it always hits the feels hard. You have made my day. {big smile}

[Flower_Dragon]

It makes me happy, that you feel good.  🥰 

You're an absolute rockstar.

[Little Skittles]

Well, I did... Until I read the replies. 

 

 

[BabyPoppy]

On 5/26/2025 at 1:53 PM, Little Nyx said:

Don't use my recovery time as a yard stick. I had cptsd from past traumas ranging back into childhood (mostly healed) prior to that relationship. And he tried multiple times to kill me and my baby before I could safely get us out. Yes, my baby, not our baby. The only good thing he did was donate DNA. It was a very toxic, extremely abususive and dangerous situation. He went out of his way to reopen old wounds and add his own. I had a LOT of healing to do.

Sooo... I kinda left suddenly and missed a lot.... uggg... frustrating triggers!!! I've been out forb9 years divorced for 8... but still have regular contact with him coz of custody... and in the summer it's worse coz I'm working and my daughter is too old for child are, so he's at my house a lot... he's got bipolar disorder and was crazy high in mania for about a 18 months, which ended last fall... I had to get the lawyers and police involved again... he's super depressed currently and his moods affect my child a lot... her and I are in weekly counseling and last fall we added OT for her for sensory... I believe that the anxiety, fear, panic drives the allergies and makes them worse... when life is stable and calm, we are healthier, but the transition to summer and back to school is always tough... 

I have a mountain of crap from my childhood too, that keeps popping up, from neglectful, alcoholic mother, who later made me her scapegoat, to a lot of icky stuff when I was super young from my paternal parent... 

I believe trauma comes in waves like the ocean... sometimes they are calm and steady and evenly paved, but sometimes it is rough seas and I feel so lost! My emotions go all over, my physical health goes wacky and I can't find my center... in those moments, I feel like a terrified little one standing in the middle of a mall at Christmas crying but no one hears her... begging for the mythical being to come in and protect me from myself... simple say... eat now, shower now, go to bed, talk to your child, go to work, you are capable... but it is not how healing works... I gotta do the work myself... I gotta process each trigger,  each painful emotional explosion,  and change the behavior, which takes time... so be forgiving of yourself and try not to compare yourself with others... their life is not yours, so it is not comparable... compare instead, did I learn from my mistakes? Am I growing? Do I need more support to continue my journey forward?