[PSA] DARVO

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender

DARVO is a manipulation technique that a person may use to shift blame on a survivor of an abusive incident. Anybody can commit DARVO, but it's typically fine-tuned by offenders and narcissists. Abusers do this in order to:

• Portray themselves as the victim
• Convince the survivor that they're the abuser
• Avoid accountability

This manipulation technique is typically attached to domestic violence, sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and abuse. Including emotional, financial, and physical abuse. 

Basically, DARVO is used by assholes of all sorts, who want to try and get away with their assholery- be it legally or just 'cause it's Friday and they're bored. It's typically a tactic used by abusers to keep control of a situation's narrative and avoid any level of accountability on their part. When the abuser is confronted with wrongdoing, that's when they deny any allegations, attack the accuser, play the reverse victim card, and then suddenly you find yourself on Reddit asking AITA.

How do you handle DARVO?

• Stay Focused - The thing not to do, is sucker punch the person you're dealing with. All that's going to do is get you a lot of legal trouble. Take a deep breath and stay focused on the situation. Be articulate with your objective for the conversation, but use layman's terms. Keep circling back to the original issue, if you have to.
• Set Boundaries - Sometimes it's necessary to take a break from a conversation or even a relationship, particularly if you've noticed their behavior is part of a larger pattern. Your mental health is important, not their inability to accept accountability. 
• Establish Consequences - Once boundaries are understood, define what the consequences for continued behavior will be. Going low contact or no contact are options that are hard to deal with, but your mental health is more important than their unwillingness to abide by your boundaries.
• Self Care - Once the conversation has ended, relax a little. Get some rest or engage in activities you enjoy.
• Professional Guidance - Once you've caught your breath from all the drama, seeking professional help is always a good first step to recovery. A lawyer can help with legalities of things like divorce, while a therapist can help you heal emotionally. 

If you think you're a victim of domestic violence:

Help is available

• Speak with someone today
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service
• Hours: 24/7
• https://www.thehotline.org/

 

 

• [PSA] Boundaries
• Understanding [subtle] Manipulation
• Citations:
• Spoiler

  • https://3plusinternational.com/how-to-respond-to-darvo-tactics/
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  • https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+darvo&oq=what+is+d&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBggAEEUYOzIGCAAQRRg7MgYIARBFGDkyBwgCEAAYjwIyBwgDEAAYjwIyBwgEEAAYjwIyBggFEEUYPDIGCAYQRRg8MgYIBxAuGEDSAQgxNDk2ajBqMagCALACAA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
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  • https://beautifulsoulcounseling.com/darvo-tactics-guide-to-identifying-manipulation/