MissAnna Posted June 22 Report Posted June 22 (edited) Hello to all you amazing, wonderful people on here! As many of you know I have recently been diagnosed with M.S. (multiple sclerosis) something I never thought I would ever be diagnosed with. Over the first couple weeks Ias fine was, no big deal I walked like nothing was bothering me. But now, now everything is sinking in, this is real, it's very real, the evidence is all around me and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't run from it, I can't hide from it, and I can't pretend anymore. My doctors have been calling me more to discuss all of these things I will have to be doing soon and it's too much, it's just so much and I just don't want to have to deal with any of it. I can't sleep, because all I do now is cry, I can't eat because my stomach is in knots so now, I am literally sinking. I feel like I am drowning on land, and I just keep smiling because that's who I am. I am a positive person I don't have time to sit down and cry, I don't have time for this to come into my life, I don't have time for any of this. So now what? What do I do now? Where does this leave me? Will I still be me? Will this change everything about me? Will I lose everyone because of this? Fears keep coming into my mind, and I push them down telling everyone I'm fine because that's who I am. But now everything is not fine, I am terrified, I am terrified of going through more spinal taps, I am terrified of having to sit through more treatments, I am terrified of losing my memory and forgetting everyone I know. So many fears weigh heavily on me, but I keep going because that's what I do, that's who I am. I am so tired of being scared, I just want to finally be able to sleep without the constant feeling of fear racing in my body. M.S. sucks, mental health sucks, cancer sucks, health problems sucks, and well they just suck. Thank you all for allowing me to rant and get that off my chest None of you on here are alone, I promise, we will get through this one day at a time Anna ❤️ Edited June 22 by MissAnna 1
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