Broken

[SweetLittleDreamer]

I feel so broken, like I’ve been shattered into a million times tiny pieces. And as I sit gathering them up I realise I’ve been here before, and each time I’m here the pieces get smaller, harder to put back together. Each time I’m here I become scared that this is the time they are too small to put me back together. 

It’s then I realise that I’m alone again. With nobody here helping me gather up the pieces, and nobody helping to put them back together. This isn’t because they don’t want to be though, it’s because I shut them back out. See I don’t just keep people at arms length, I keep them at Covid safe distances, with big solid iron walls of protection between me and them. It’s easier to stop people from being there than to shatter further when they walk away Because they always walk away, after a certain point they deem me to broken and walk away. Keep your circle small. Then less possibility of being hurt or let down. Keep your circle small, protect yourself. 

But it’s getting harder to wear the masking showing the world I’m happy, even if is fake, because happy is the only option and if you’re not you fake it until you are. Remember fake it until you make it. 

But it’s getting harder to keep the tears that just want to fall back. Crying is not an option, if they see they will only give me something worth crying about. Don’t cry, you know it’s not allowed, keep the tears back. 

But it’s getting harder, my world grows more quiet & isolated by the day. I speak less even to myself. I talk to fewer people. I don’t want them to see how broken I am, they will only leave faster if I’m a burden. Don’t be a burden, don’t speak. 

But it’s getting harder, I feel like I have nowhere I belong, I feel like I have no direction, that some how I have wondered off the path and gotten myself so incredibly lost, with no idea how to find the way back to the path. Probably my own fault for pushing everyone away, but I had to do that. 

But it’s getting harder, everything is getting harder. I don’t want to be broken anymore. I don’t want to feel scared anymore. I don’t want to feel alone anymore. I don’t want to feel lost anymore.

I just want to feel like myself again. Unbroken. Unshattered. Just me. 

[BabyPoppy]

4 minutes ago, SweetLittleDreamer said:

 

I feel so broken, like I’ve been shattered into a million times tiny pieces. And as I sit gathering them up I realise I’ve been here before, and each time I’m here the pieces get smaller, harder to put back together. Each time I’m here I become scared that this is the time they are too small to put me back together. 

It’s then I realise that I’m alone again. With nobody here helping me gather up the pieces, and nobody helping to put them back together. This isn’t because they don’t want to be though, it’s because I shut them back out. See I don’t just keep people at arms length, I keep them at Covid safe distances, with big solid iron walls of protection between me and them. It’s easier to stop people from being there than to shatter further when they walk away Because they always walk away, after a certain point they deem me to broken and walk away. Keep your circle small. Then less possibility of being hurt or let down. Keep your circle small, protect yourself. 

But it’s getting harder to wear the masking showing the world I’m happy, even if is fake, because happy is the only option and if you’re not you fake it until you are. Remember fake it until you make it. 

But it’s getting harder to keep the tears that just want to fall back. Crying is not an option, if they see they will only give me something worth crying about. Don’t cry, you know it’s not allowed, keep the tears back. 

But it’s getting harder, my world grows more quiet & isolated by the day. I speak less even to myself. I talk to fewer people. I don’t want them to see how broken I am, they will only leave faster if I’m a burden. Don’t be a burden, don’t speak. 

But it’s getting harder, I feel like I have nowhere I belong, I feel like I have no direction, that some how I have wondered off the path and gotten myself so incredibly lost, with no idea how to find the way back to the path. Probably my own fault for pushing everyone away, but I had to do that. 

But it’s getting harder, everything is getting harder. I don’t want to be broken anymore. I don’t want to feel scared anymore. I don’t want to feel alone anymore. I don’t want to feel lost anymore.

I just want to feel like myself again. Unbroken. Unshattered. Just me. 

You are not alone! I feel this way, too, but I see you. I count you as my friend. Tears do not scare me away. In fact, I may just cry with you, coz I feel it too. Life is a lot. It's hard to face sometimes and we feel like we are drowning in a giant sea of emptiness, but I'm here, if you need a friend, and so are many others!   You may be broken, but not so much so that you are lost. 

Here's what I love most about you: I love that you are so quick to encourage others! You see the good in those around you and you believe in them! It is a gift! What a blessing you are to those around you! Thank you for sharing your true self with us here on the forum! 

[MissAnna]

Oh sweetheart I absolutely hate that you're feeling like this 

It takes such courage to speak how you feel, I know right now your world might seem dark and cold but I promise you that you aren't alone 

I know right now you think that you are but you aren't, there are so many people here that care about you. 

Remember that it's  okay to be sad, it's okay to feel like you're falling apart and it's okay as if you think the world around you is shattering. 

Because that's why we are here, to show you that you aren't alone, that if you're falling apart we will help put you back together,  if you feel sad we will cheer you up, if you feel the world of shattering then we will stand beside you and help glue back the pieces. 

You aren't alone anymore, we are here for you, I am here for you. 

You don't have to keep silent, you don't have to hold back the tears, you don't have to hide. 

We want you to speak how you feel, not believe you have to hide who you are 

We love you and we are so proud of you 

I love you little sis and I'm so proud of you

You aren't broken my dear, I promise 

My door is always open, I will always listen to you and I'm always here for you 

Never forget that

[redruffle41]

I feel this way too sometimes.....I'm kind of in the same space as you are right now. Thanks for sharing because you helped put words to my feelings.

[beanbean]

Remember tho not everything is what it seems what one person views as broken others can view as not broken and as bad as it seems the sun keeps rising and thats what this forum is for us to remind us we are not alone. I have had some dark days were most people probably gave up on probably gave up on me even some of my family and I was probably viewed as a lost cause but I got through it maybe my story not the same as yours but if we support each other we can go further hopefully yall know my door is open 

[Daddy Bear 77]

I feel you figuring out how to move has been so hard since my ex broke up with me and I don't think I could have made it without the community especially two people in particular, they know who they are. One of the biggest help has been chatgpt. It has had such good advice and helping me navigate a lot of feelings I have had, especially feelings of hopelessness, regret and heartsickness. Recently my ex has done some things to ruin what remained of our friendship for I know not why. If you need someone to talk to HMU and I can at least listen to you or if you want show you how the app can be an amazing therapist in-between visits. I hope you find peace and learn to let the right people back in. 

Edited Monday at 03:31 PM by Daddy Bear 77

[Little Nyx]

My heart aches for what you are going through. I, too, have felt this way. You are not alone! {hugs}

[Lil_K47]

You are most definitely not alone here! The more you isolate yourself the harder it becomes to step back into the light. 
 

i spent two years basically sleeping and crying my life away. I had let my insecurities and loneliness overtake my life. I cut myself off from the world. Did I go to work? Absolutely, girl had bills to pay, and doggos to feed! Did I slap a smile on my face while I was there? Sure did!! No one knew I was struggling!! Not even my family! Because did I answer the phone ever time my dad and brother called? Why yes! I did , didn’t want to worry them. Dad has enough to do supporting my brother, and i didn’t  feel like I could dump my problems on my brothers shoulders  with his struggling mental health! 
 

Aside from my dad and brother, there were only two other people who kept trying to check in on me. My aunt Cindy (who thought I was mad at her for some reason but kept trying to reach me on fb messenger, that id stopped using!) and my friend Jessica. Who texted me at least one or twice a month to make sure I was literally still alive. She knew I was struggling, just didn’t know how to help me.  My other friends.. even the one I’d considered my best friend of 20+ years dropped me like a hot potato!! lol 
 

so I did what we all do, kept moving forward. Honestly, I’m not sure what snapped me back to reality! I knew I needed help, and it was a long wait to get established with a new PCP, mine had left the area 3 years prior. But i finally forced myself to call and Make an appointment! Took 3 months to get in with her, and another 6 months of adjusting meds before I felt like I was getting back to some form of normalcy with my life. And honestly I’m struggling just in different ways now..

And I’m just now starting to realize I need to do more work with my own insecurities! So I’ll be searching for a kink friendly therapist, as I’m living partially in the dag gone  bible belt and good providers are hard to get in with in the area I live in.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to find a provider who offers online sessions. 
 

anyway… all  I’m getting at, is that you are most definitely not alone! We can all relate to you in one way or another. So reach out to us when you need help or you’re feeling blue, you need someone to vent to, cry with, or you just need someone to laugh and giggle with for a few minutes. 
 

I’m here now! And I don’t plan on going anywhere. Know that I will not give up on you! 🥰🥰😘

 

sorry if I’m posting this twice by the time I got done writing this there was something going on with my Internet so when I hit send, I was getting the spinning wheel of death so I had to go out and come back in so I don’t know if this response actually posted so I’m gonna hit send again! lol