Struggling to be Daddy

[AspieDaddy]

My little ( my wife) and I seem to be struggling with the lifestyle. She really wants it and so do I but I just find myself struggling with even the basics. 

I have lately started comparing myself to other doms I have come across and find my self being left behind soo far. It's really getting me down soo much. I am worried that if I cannot be the person she wants me to be she will not love me as much anymore. 

Just really struggling to come up with a solution....

[ohyeahmetoo]

I can't tell you what to do and I'm sorry you're struggling. I can tell you how my little and I built what we have. It is a long distance relationship but it is no less deep than one irl. 

We talk daily. We talk about rules. We talk about goals she has set for herself. We talk about consequences. We talk about everything. We started simply while we got to know each other before we started the ddlg portion of the relationship. We were patient, open, and honest with each other about boundaries and how we're feeling now. 

Best wishes for a happy resolution. 

 

[Lil Baby Stoner]

As someone who dealt with is I can say just talk to her my partner and me had this same issue it’s not that he is a bad daddy in his case he got burnt out plus we have kids so it was a lot I felt like he wasn’t a daddy to me but we sat down and talked he told me how he is trying but felt burnt out like he wasn’t the daddy I needed we worked it out though but just tell her how you feel and maybe ask what she feels you might need work on or what she feels she is lacking don’t compare yourself to other daddies y’all all different 

[Guest Chad]

On 7/19/2025 at 2:33 AM, AspieDaddy said:

My little ( my wife) and I seem to be struggling with the lifestyle. She really wants it and so do I but I just find myself struggling with even the basics. 

I have lately started comparing myself to other doms I have come across and find my self being left behind soo far. It's really getting me down soo much. I am worried that if I cannot be the person she wants me to be she will not love me as much anymore. 

Just really struggling to come up with a solution....

I’m new here, and my council should be seen as that. You take the nuggets from it as you see fit.

FIRSTLY,  let’s talk about communication. Let this be your Northstar. Thing is honest, totally honest communication is hard. It’s easy to not be totally honest, totally vulnerable than not is to not be and use harmless little white lies to get by. Ultimately you recognise them your lying to yourself and the anxiety rises. To be in a loving and intentional trusting relationship  means that you both have each others back, you both make a commitment to both figuring it out and both care about elevating the other. If you agree that’s true, then trust you communicating in writing or in dialogue everything you’ve said above, and let the cards fall where they may. 
trust will prevail and together a plan and boundaries should be mutually established and maybe a plan of how to chart the course. 

SECONDLY boundaries and intimacies are not just sexual, but physical, emotional, spiritual, time, and your Lg will need nurturing in all these areas, with a view to balance.

you cannot be expected to figure it out on your own without candid and open dialogue or Without vulnerability, which works both ways. Understanding; wants, needs, areas of require help and support, and finding resources to level up and learn together.finery to do it alone your building pressure and anxiety. Let it go, share the journey and the conversation together. 

Asking Questions such as:

what gets in the way,

how can I help,

what’s working,

what do you need?

What does good look like?  
Describe what would bad look like?
What does it feel like?
How do you want to feel?

how would you like me to feel? 
butnestablish and be clear about your own boundaries, and hold them!! You are the equal partner. 

 

Fun Experiments 

Set some scalable experiments, that have a hypothesis; which if they fail, you redraw them, try again, if they work you upscale them.
But time box them to a week, two weeks. See how it goes talk about them, what went well what didn’t, what you would change, what would keep? Etc.. maintain control together 

How a scene start, how does a scene end. 
what does the scene look like, what are you doing, what am I doing? What are your expectations?

what are the non-negotiables?

define safety, safe words, knowing when it starting:stopping, rules = no 3 P’s maybe? Etc.. be clear an unambiguous here. 
 

FINALLY.

you are enough.
Practicing everything above, dialogue, honesty, openness, not lying, vulnerability, trust, love, with nothing but good intent. 
AGAIN; you are enough and with the above your confidence should grow, and you bond  tighter, and satisfaction and intimacy realised. 
 

Take that pressure off yourself.

stop comparing yourself, your partner loves you and trusts you with this. 
 

now go be awesome!! 
 

if you need a chat, talk, I’m here… 

regards 

Chad 

[DaddyDazzy]

On 7/19/2025 at 2:33 AM, AspieDaddy said:

My little ( my wife) and I seem to be struggling with the lifestyle. She really wants it and so do I but I just find myself struggling with even the basics. 

I have lately started comparing myself to other doms I have come across and find my self being left behind soo far. It's really getting me down soo much. I am worried that if I cannot be the person she wants me to be she will not love me as much anymore. 

Just really struggling to come up with a solution....

I'm going to be as helpful as I can be but I may come over a bit blunt but please don't take offence as I don't intend any offence. 

But my first question is why are you comparing yourself to other Daddies? Doing that is always a negative thing because there'll always be someone who is better than you. I get it, though, because I was the same when I got in to swinging. Other swingers were fitter than me, better looking than me, had a bigger D than me, were better at sex than me. And me comparing myself to them was always gonna end in tears. But a good friend told me to just be me, don't try to be like anyone else. And that was great advice. I started doing things my way and I've become quite popular. And that has built my confidence. It's all about self confidence. 

So that is the advice I'm giving to you.  Sure, take some tips off others but don't try to be them. Just be you. My DDLG niche is that I'm very psychological. My Littles get deep in to my head and I get deep in to theirs. It's very powerful and they crave me, crave my attention. My last little was very experienced,much more than me at that time. She was a successful woman, in no way needy. But if I didn't speak to her for a day, she'd go out of her mind! It was cute! 😊 You just need to find your niche. What are you good at? Focus on building on what you're good at and not so much focus on the things you struggle with. For now, anyway. This will steadily build your confidence and then you can look at tackling the things you find tricky now. They'll be much easier when your self confidence is higher. 

Finally, being a Daddy is not for everyone. But I think you can do it. Because you clearly care. You wouldn't have posted so openly if you didn't care! And as a "caregiver", the ability to care is the number one requirement!  So go for it! Confidence will come and you'll get better. And we're here to help! 🙂

[Kajinn]

Everything will be okay, just remember there is no *definitive* best dom / cg example out there! 🙂

The internet is endless noise, so it's very easy to get lost in it sometimes.  This lifestyle is however you make it, whatever you're comfortable with!

The only rule in the lifestyle is mutual consent, other than that there is no rulebook and that's the magic of this lifestyle. Every relationship is going to be fundamentally different from every other relationship and every person has different preferences and needs. So there will never be a one size fits all when it comes to being a cg. That's why there's so many different 'flavor' categories for the roles, gentle dom, switch, brat, princess etc.

Best thing to do is have a nice calm chat with your partner to talk about things you both like, try em out and then see if it works for the other or not. But just keep in mind you don't have to be someone else to be the best dom / cg. When we compare all we do is take away today's peace and our confidence. What works for others won't always work for us, and that's okay. Life is one big learning process, and sometimes learning about ourselves, what we like / dislike is a lifetime journey. Just remember if you're ever feeling low, things will get better!😌

I hope my post helps, if you ever need to talk to another cg my dms are always open! Anyways, please take care and have a fantastic day! ^^

[DaddysMonkey]

40 minutes ago, Kajinn said:

Everything will be okay, just remember there is no *definitive* best dom / cg example out there! 🙂

The internet is endless noise, so it's very easy to get lost in it sometimes.  This lifestyle is however you make it, whatever you're comfortable with!

The only rule in the lifestyle is mutual consent, other than that there is no rulebook and that's the magic of this lifestyle. Every relationship is going to be fundamentally different from every other relationship and every person has different preferences and needs. So there will never be a one size fits all when it comes to being a cg. That's why there's so many different 'flavor' categories for the roles, gentle dom, switch, brat, princess etc.

Best thing to do is have a nice calm chat with your partner to talk about things you both like, try em out and then see if it works for the other or not. But just keep in mind you don't have to be someone else to be the best dom / cg. When we compare all we do is take away today's peace and our confidence. What works for others won't always work for us, and that's okay. Life is one big learning process, and sometimes learning about ourselves, what we like / dislike is a lifetime journey. Just remember if you're ever feeling low, things will get better!😌

I hope my post helps, if you ever need to talk to another cg my dms are always open! Anyways, please take care and have a fantastic day! ^^

Comparison is the thief of joy. 
 

Amen to your post. Wise words.