Sunshin3 Posted August 28 Report Posted August 28 I wanna know if some of y'all have thought of or are using an (IFS) Internal Family System (or something close to it) as a way to cope without having an actual caregiver. Like having a mature presence in your mind, a fleshed out one that acts as a caregiver to your younger part of your self? This have been the case for me for years (and I'm talking more than a decade) although the mature/CG part of my psyche isn't perfect, they took their role seriously and have helped me in soothing myself for years. (Using They to refer to my Internal CG) How they came to be isn't something that I could explain clearly as they came out of nowhere after a traumatic event. I think they developed naturally rather than me being consciously/intentionally making a "Caregiver" part of me. Personally though? I think everyone has a mature "part" of themselves in their brain. It just depends on how active they are in your life and psyche. I get to have a Caregiver that's curated for ME and my needs which helped me lots in navigating life as a whole(which I do talk to, sometimes verbally or through writing letters to them—which may sound crazy but it did help me greatly in maintaining stability. Stability is something that is a luxury for most who went through a very traumatic childhood). They can never replaced an Actual physical CG (someone that you could actually bond with in every sense) but they helped me in the process of getting into any kinds of relationships by discerning the red flags in people I meet and avoiding getting myself (the body and mind) hurt— which little me finds hard because they're too trusting and gullible (ಥ╭╮ಥ) I'm opening this discussion in hopes of getting people (who've done something similar or close to) to discuss about it and talk about how our internal caregiver have helped us. Think of it as us honouring our unseen heroes (灬º‿º灬)♡ 1 1
NikkiNoo Posted August 28 Report Posted August 28 This is such an interesting topic! I've only recently started doing inner child work and reparenting, but I've always had imaginary caregivers in my fantasies. Like, TV or book characters with strong caring and nurturing vibes. I imagine them comforting me, helping me calm down when I'm stressed, and guiding me through difficult situations. It feels weirdly like I've externalised an internal caregiver by projecting it onto a character. Does that even make sense?! I'm starting to integrate these characters into my own system by learning that I've always been the one generating these fantasies, and therefore taking care of myself. My therapist calls it my 'wise self,' which I really like. Thank you for opening up this discussion! 1 2
Sunshin3 Posted August 29 Author Report Posted August 29 2 hours ago, NikkiNoo said: This is such an interesting topic! I've only recently started doing inner child work and reparenting, but I've always had imaginary caregivers in my fantasies. Like, TV or book characters with strong caring and nurturing vibes. I imagine them comforting me, helping me calm down when I'm stressed, and guiding me through difficult situations. It feels weirdly like I've externalised an internal caregiver by projecting it onto a character. Does that even make sense?! I'm starting to integrate these characters into my own system by learning that I've always been the one generating these fantasies, and therefore taking care of myself. My therapist calls it my 'wise self,' which I really like. Thank you for opening up this discussion! This is exactly what I mean!!! And it's so cool that you've externalised them because it makes the self-work easier (≧▽≦) !! Plus you get to enjoy your favourite characters at the same time 2
NikkiNoo Posted August 29 Report Posted August 29 15 hours ago, Sunshin3 said: This is exactly what I mean!!! And it's so cool that you've externalised them because it makes the self-work easier (≧▽≦) !! Plus you get to enjoy your favourite characters at the same time It definitely makes it easier to work on myself. I feel that now I'm more mature, I'm ready to delve into it more deeply. I've been doing a lot of inner child work recently, which has been enormously helpful in identifying the support I lacked as a child and finding ways to meet my own needs as an adult. I'll always love my 'comfort characters,' but they served me better as a child than an adult. 1
Poutyprincess Posted October 24 Report Posted October 24 For me that internal caregiver feels like when I allow myself grace and radical self-acceptance 💗 and when I listen to my body's needs and choose to meet them, like a supportive friend 💗 I love this topic! 2 1
RoseyLittle Posted October 25 Report Posted October 25 I just have to say, I felt this moment of awe reading this thread, the collective creativity, vulnerability and wisdom is just beautiful. It can be so powerful when we connect to our inner child work, especially through an IFS lens or any way where we internalize a caregiving energy/role or reparent ourself through our adult ego state. I did many years of IFS with EMDR in my own trauma therapy journey. And I definitely needed the creation of an internal caregiver part. I learned to be able to listen to that part’s soothing and guiding voice when needed, and they are always in my imagined safe space when I need it. I’ve noticed over the years that they got me through periods of being alone as sub/littles too. Like it was this part of me that reminded me to eat or take good care of myself. I actually went out and got a stuff bear Mr. Top, like a gift from this part of myself. I’ve had Mr Top for about 18 years, through different relationships. But this internal caregiver part is a consistent that never goes away. Since being with my Daddy, he added a voice message into my bear from him. But he still ultimately represents the part of myself that will never abandon me. ♥️ 1 1
violet-storms Posted October 27 Report Posted October 27 I love this, I always thought it was weird I wouldn't take care of myself without my internal cg telling me to. It just feels depressing until then. When I was single, it felt more like a mothering side of me but now I picture it coming sweetly from my fiancé. It makes me happy to imagine but sad if I think about it too much because he would ever say those things. I'm happy with acceptance though, I don't need him to participate even if I'd like him to. But maybe one day... 🙂 1
MissAnna Posted October 27 Report Posted October 27 That's one of the reasons I became a Mommy Dom, because I wanted to feel the love I never received and to be able to love those around me. We all deserve love and we are worthy of being loved. When I was single I would talk to myself the way I would a little, because I needed a reminder that I wasn't broken and I definitely wasn't bad. What a beautiful community we truly have here ❤️ 1
princess_amelia Posted Sunday at 11:51 PM Report Posted Sunday at 11:51 PM I had never thought of it that way, but you all put words on how I feel. I do have an internal CG! That’s soooooo helpful to realize. For me, it feels like a soothing voice inside my head that helps me take one thing at a time, reminds me to take breaks and to take care of myself. If I had to describe it, I would say my internal caregiver is more like an older (and wiser) version of myself, taking care of my actual self. Thank you all for this topic and all of your replies ❤️
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