Am I needed? Why am I necessary?

[wackadoodle]

Tw: self depreciating thoughts

So I just vented to a friend and I thought that something I said might help some people:

"I think I just need to keep myself busy and fight the negative thoughts and then maybe just reaffirm to myself why I'm necessary, without thinking of ways I'm useful😭💔because honestly I always feel like I'm not needed if I'm not useful, but that's never really the case. I think people are needed because of the experiences they create and that's not always a subject of usefulness. I mean, for example in terms of romantic relationships, you could be the most useless person on earth. But all the effort you put in trying to pursue someone is attractive and could sway their heart. So hmmm that's more the memories or experiences that person has created, the experience of being loved or pursued. So I just need to think of myself like that somehow💪that I'm needed because I create meaningful experiences. "

 

It's probably, definitely, not the best argument😂😭but I often struggle with feeling like I'm not really needed (because my family and friends don't REALLY need me if I'm being completely honest with myself-which I try to be as often as possible-both parties are pretty self-sufficient and I wouldn't have them any other way, I prefer self-sufficient people), and when I try to argue that I AM needed, it's always about how "useful" I am, but a) that usually doesn't make me feel better because I don't want to be needed for my usefulness😭, although ironically I often try to be as useful as possible for the reason of wanting to be needed and

b) I tend to feel like I'm not all that useful. Because technically most ways that I am useful can easily be attained from another source or person😔💔even knowledge can simply be received from Google, a book or Ai or anywhere to be honest. So in that case, I'm kind fo not all that useful. Or rare or special. 

 

So arguing that I'm useful kiiiiiind of doesn't help me feel like I'm any more necessary. But hmmmm arguing that I am an experience that helps people learn something in some way or other? It kind of helps. It gives me the permission and freedom to feel like I am enough, I don't need to earn love or do anything but be myself. It lets me pave my own path, away from whatever I think would be more beneficial for others around me. 

 

And I really hope this mindset can help others feel better about themselves. We're all just experiences, waiting to happen. Thousands of possibilities of how life could go. And no matter how it goes, somehow it will compound and create this effect where others and ourselves will learn. Maybe some things or choices or traits about ourselves will lead to us and/or others experiencing more difficult things, but it will be a lesson anyways and there are no wrong choices. Just better ones. 

 

I hope this helped you if you read this far and thank you for being you! An amazing person and experience waiting to happen! 😤💪

Aggressively, positively, sending you love, hugs and ladybugs! ❤️✨

[BabyPoppy]

3 hours ago, wackadoodle said:

Tw: self depreciating thoughts

So I just vented to a friend and I thought that something I said might help some people:

"I think I just need to keep myself busy and fight the negative thoughts and then maybe just reaffirm to myself why I'm necessary, without thinking of ways I'm useful😭💔because honestly I always feel like I'm not needed if I'm not useful, but that's never really the case. I think people are needed because of the experiences they create and that's not always a subject of usefulness. I mean, for example in terms of romantic relationships, you could be the most useless person on earth. But all the effort you put in trying to pursue someone is attractive and could sway their heart. So hmmm that's more the memories or experiences that person has created, the experience of being loved or pursued. So I just need to think of myself like that somehow💪that I'm needed because I create meaningful experiences. "

 

It's probably, definitely, not the best argument😂😭but I often struggle with feeling like I'm not really needed (because my family and friends don't REALLY need me if I'm being completely honest with myself-which I try to be as often as possible-both parties are pretty self-sufficient and I wouldn't have them any other way, I prefer self-sufficient people), and when I try to argue that I AM needed, it's always about how "useful" I am, but a) that usually doesn't make me feel better because I don't want to be needed for my usefulness😭, although ironically I often try to be as useful as possible for the reason of wanting to be needed and

b) I tend to feel like I'm not all that useful. Because technically most ways that I am useful can easily be attained from another source or person😔💔even knowledge can simply be received from Google, a book or Ai or anywhere to be honest. So in that case, I'm kind fo not all that useful. Or rare or special. 

 

So arguing that I'm useful kiiiiiind of doesn't help me feel like I'm any more necessary. But hmmmm arguing that I am an experience that helps people learn something in some way or other? It kind of helps. It gives me the permission and freedom to feel like I am enough, I don't need to earn love or do anything but be myself. It lets me pave my own path, away from whatever I think would be more beneficial for others around me. 

 

And I really hope this mindset can help others feel better about themselves. We're all just experiences, waiting to happen. Thousands of possibilities of how life could go. And no matter how it goes, somehow it will compound and create this effect where others and ourselves will learn. Maybe some things or choices or traits about ourselves will lead to us and/or others experiencing more difficult things, but it will be a lesson anyways and there are no wrong choices. Just better ones. 

 

I hope this helped you if you read this far and thank you for being you! An amazing person and experience waiting to happen! 😤💪

Aggressively, positively, sending you love, hugs and ladybugs! ❤️✨

 

I see your struggle and I love you friend! You are not alone in your struggle. Life is hard and finding your place in the world is difficult. 

Being needed and useful is important, but only part of why I love having you as my friend, but most of the reason is because I like knowing I am not alone in this world. That other people have feelings all over the place too. That my life is just as crazy, mixed up, and overwhelming as other people's, but knowing that you accept me helps so much!  You are one of a kind, Wackadoodle! 

Thanks for being so honest and bold!

 

[beanbean]

Remember lots of people don’t get told there needed enough always try to tell a friend why there important. but also know that other people don’t decide your value only should get to do that try not let people have that power over you .but every time you put your need’s below someone else’s your helping someone weather they realize or not

[RoseyLittle]

Thank you for the hugs and ladybugs!🐞 

The words and thoughts you shared here are a perfect example of your point. You are sharing the beautiful experience that is you. You are freely giving of yourself.
 

It is so easy to get stuck in worth, meaning or love being transactional, tit for tat. It is what most of us learn and what gets most normalized by others. We also learn our worth should be searched for external to us. In what we do, not who we are (internal). You don’t need to be useful to be loved. I know for myself, a big part of healing is learning we are intrinsically worthy and are meaningful just by being. Many of us are good at giving this to others easily. You did it in your post. But we can struggle harder to give it to self.

For myself, and those I work with, I sometimes suggest curiosity. Of course, I always like to remind that the process of healing looks different for everyone, there is no one way or right way.
 

For me, getting curious about where that thought comes from is one way that can help. When my brain says “I’m not really needed” and it creates an emotional cascade of feelings (maybe lost, unlovable, sad, hopeless) - I could ask where did I learn that? Whose voice does that sound like? It is often scripts we have learnt and carry with us. I could get curious about how that script has helped me in the past or been part of my survival. For example, maybe that script meant I always tried to be useful and helpful and good when I was little, so that I felt safe and not rejected. I would want to honour the fact that this part of me helped me survive while also beginning to recognize I don't need it any longer. This is where value work or our grounded adult wisdom can come in. What do I, as the wisest part of myself, believe about worth? Love? Meaning? This is something you are doing every time you are reflective like you were in this post. 

All that long blurb to say…Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. It takes courage and vulnerability. I can hear in your words the new ways you are learning to hold yourself and the beautiful ways you already hold others.