Sub drop

[Fishboy3501]

Hello everybody thank you so much for the nice person that invited me to this corner. 
 

Innocence I’m 2 1/2 years sober. I met a woman on fat life that was in the midst of a relapse she had had 9+ years at the time she was a sub. I’m a switch. I think I’m still figuring it out. This is not the first woman that I’ve met off of that life that has really messed with me. I’ve always struggled with depression mental illness longing for a relationship. I never had one. I was a virgin until I was 27 had a super dysfunctional first relationship. I was basically raped for about a year.
 

But this woman came to my life around this time of year. The colors were changing and it’s just reminding me of all this stuff. I facilitated her going to rehab. I didn’t pay for it or anything, but I helped her when she decided to go when she got out we were together for a while and then she started going to therapy and doing ketamine again. I’m basically told me that we had never had a relationship thought it was just friends with benefits.That’s what hurt me the most.
 

She told me that she had decided to become a seller that which I respect that and she just laughed. She’s also autistic, but I guess my question is is like.I was talking to her in July. She became so that May 30 and she was accusing me that it was all my fault because it was my job as a Dom to outline the scene. She was way more experienced in this than I was.

I like to think that she loved me. I think she thinks she loved me, but she certainly never treated me like she loved me. I mean, sometimes she was the sweetest kindest person in the world and I just miss having someone care about me I don’t know how long these feelings are just gonna keep lasting. 
 

When I try to talk about it and other places, I just get caught in in Cell and I’m like maybe I could’ve been one when I was younger, but I was a fat kid. Nobody wanted to have sex with me. It was before body positivity.  I just don’t understand this crazy world. I wish I knew how long these feelings will last if ever fade. 
 

I just want some timelines how long will this stuff keep popping back up? I’m trying to put myself back out there. Meet new people.But I just don’t understand I post my generator a certain extent stop doing things that I liked because she didn’t or I thought they might upset her like Hunting. I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t an abusive relationship. I just it’s just hard and thank you for having a place for me too be on people.
 

If anybody needs any help with the alcoholism, can certainly point you to the right direction on how to get help and share with you what’s worked for me? What has it? I hope everybody has a wonderful week.

 

[MyMy]

Thank you for sharing that so openly. It takes a lot of courage to talk about everything you’ve been through, especially the pain, confusion, and the process of rebuilding. It sounds like you’ve carried a lot and are still choosing to heal, which says so much about your strength. I don’t think there’s a set timeline for grief or recovery,  the waves just soften over time as you keep choosing yourself and new experiences. You deserve real peace and connection after all of that.

“I love you, I hope you Heal” 💝

[MissAnna]

On 10/12/2025 at 11:46 PM, Fishboy3501 said:

Hello everybody thank you so much for the nice person that invited me to this corner. 
 

Innocence I’m 2 1/2 years sober. I met a woman on fat life that was in the midst of a relapse she had had 9+ years at the time she was a sub. I’m a switch. I think I’m still figuring it out. This is not the first woman that I’ve met off of that life that has really messed with me. I’ve always struggled with depression mental illness longing for a relationship. I never had one. I was a virgin until I was 27 had a super dysfunctional first relationship. I was basically raped for about a year.
 

But this woman came to my life around this time of year. The colors were changing and it’s just reminding me of all this stuff. I facilitated her going to rehab. I didn’t pay for it or anything, but I helped her when she decided to go when she got out we were together for a while and then she started going to therapy and doing ketamine again. I’m basically told me that we had never had a relationship thought it was just friends with benefits.That’s what hurt me the most.
 

She told me that she had decided to become a seller that which I respect that and she just laughed. She’s also autistic, but I guess my question is is like.I was talking to her in July. She became so that May 30 and she was accusing me that it was all my fault because it was my job as a Dom to outline the scene. She was way more experienced in this than I was.

I like to think that she loved me. I think she thinks she loved me, but she certainly never treated me like she loved me. I mean, sometimes she was the sweetest kindest person in the world and I just miss having someone care about me I don’t know how long these feelings are just gonna keep lasting. 
 

When I try to talk about it and other places, I just get caught in in Cell and I’m like maybe I could’ve been one when I was younger, but I was a fat kid. Nobody wanted to have sex with me. It was before body positivity.  I just don’t understand this crazy world. I wish I knew how long these feelings will last if ever fade. 
 

I just want some timelines how long will this stuff keep popping back up? I’m trying to put myself back out there. Meet new people.But I just don’t understand I post my generator a certain extent stop doing things that I liked because she didn’t or I thought they might upset her like Hunting. I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t an abusive relationship. I just it’s just hard and thank you for having a place for me too be on people.
 

If anybody needs any help with the alcoholism, can certainly point you to the right direction on how to get help and share with you what’s worked for me? What has it? I hope everybody has a wonderful week.

 

It takes such courage to speak about something so hard, it only shows your strengths and bravery. 

Your story is so touching and I'm so sorry that happened to you.  

Spoiler

I am a victim of rape and an advocate for men and women who have been sexual assaulted.

I am so sorry you went through any of that, I can only imagine the pain and burden you carry around on your shoulders. 

It's so hard to move past S.A. and it's so hard to see the good in others when you have been taken advantage of your whole life.

We are so glad you are here, you aren't alone anymore, we are here for you, we see you and we value you. 

Remember one day at a time, if you can't go one day take it one hour, or one minute or even one second. It takes time, and in time you will find out how strong you were all along. 

Remember we are here for you and we are in your corner

Until next time remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 

[Fishboy3501]

Sounds to me like someone is working a solid program;)