Pushing people away

[NickyMoon]

I don’t really know how this post is going to turn out but I’m struggling with my mental health right now and know this is a safe place. My depression has been really bad the past couple of days. Like almost as dark as it gets. I realized yesterday that when it gets this bad and I need people around me the most is when I push people away. I know part of it is because I have been shown in the past that most people don’t want to see the darkness; they only want the happy, bubbly Nicky. In the front of my brain, I know that I have people that would listen and support me even when I’m in this dark place but I just can’t bring myself to reach out and say “hey I’m struggling right now”. I feel like if I can’t tell you how to support me, that I should just keep it to myself. And the people pleasing side of me doesn’t want to bring others down with my darkness. 
I guess what I want to know is if other people have this problem too, and if so, how do you ask for support? I’m so bad at it that I’m crying just writing this because I feel like I’m being too much. I’m usually really good at self soothing and very independent but sometimes that’s not enough. I would appreciate any tips anyone has on how to stop pushing people away and learning how to actually have a support system. 

[beanbean]

Of course I think lots of us have  the same problem it’s easier to to push people away then deal with people or lash out at them at least in my experience when I am in my dark space I try to calm down before interacting with people so yes I push people away 

[MasterPhotog]

3 hours ago, NickyMoon said:

I don’t really know how this post is going to turn out but I’m struggling with my mental health right now and know this is a safe place. My depression has been really bad the past couple of days. Like almost as dark as it gets. I realized yesterday that when it gets this bad and I need people around me the most is when I push people away. I know part of it is because I have been shown in the past that most people don’t want to see the darkness; they only want the happy, bubbly Nicky. In the front of my brain, I know that I have people that would listen and support me even when I’m in this dark place but I just can’t bring myself to reach out and say “hey I’m struggling right now”. I feel like if I can’t tell you how to support me, that I should just keep it to myself. And the people pleasing side of me doesn’t want to bring others down with my darkness. 
I guess what I want to know is if other people have this problem too, and if so, how do you ask for support? I’m so bad at it that I’m crying just writing this because I feel like I’m being too much. I’m usually really good at self soothing and very independent but sometimes that’s not enough. I would appreciate any tips anyone has on how to stop pushing people away and learning how to actually have a support system. 

Thank you for trusting us enough to share all of this. Truly. The amount of courage it takes to open up while you’re in the struggle, while everything feels heavy and dark, is enormous, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now. What you wrote is honest, brave, and incredibly human.

I want you to know that you’re not alone in this pattern. So many people, far more than you’d ever guess, feel exactly what you’re describing: needing support the most right when it feels hardest to reach for it… worrying about being “too much”… fearing that showing the darker moments will push people away. That doesn’t make you broken; it makes you human and sensitive. And those qualities, even when they feel like burdens, are actually signs of how deeply you care.

It also makes complete sense that past experiences have taught you to hide your pain. When you’ve been celebrated only for being the “happy, bubbly” version of yourself, it trains you to think that your darker moments are unwelcome. But the people who truly care about you, the ones who deserve a place in your support system, want all of you, not just the polished parts. You don’t have to present a guidebook or have the perfect words. Reaching out can be as simple as:
“Hey, I’m having a rough day. Can you check in with me?” or “I don’t need solutions, I just don’t want to feel alone right now.”

It’s okay if your voice shakes when you ask. It’s okay if you cry. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what you need. Support doesn’t require perfection, it just requires connection.

And you are not “too much.” You are someone who is trying their best while carrying something heavy. People who care about you don’t want the edited version of your life; they want the real one, even when it’s shadowed.

Learning to stop pushing people away is a process, not a switch you flip. You can start very small:

1.  Send a single message to someone you trust.
2.  Practice saying one honest sentence about how you feel.
3.  Let yourself receive something without apologizing for it.

Little steps count. They build the muscle.

You deserve support. You deserve softness. You deserve people who stay, even in the dark. And the fact that you’re here, reaching out, tells me you’re already moving toward that.

One day, you’ll look back at this version of you with so much compassion and pride for how hard you fought to show up for yourself. You’re not doing this alone, even right now.

You’re doing better than you think. Keep going. 💛
 

[NickyMoon]

Thank you both for making me not feel so alone 🫶
And @MasterPhotog thank you so much for the kind words and the tips for how to reach out when I need to. Number 2 &3 on that list are going to take practice but it helps to have something to work towards. I come from a family where we were told to cry in the shower so no one would know and am definitely taking baby steps yo unlearn all that.