Pushing people away

[NickyMoon]

I don’t really know how this post is going to turn out but I’m struggling with my mental health right now and know this is a safe place. My depression has been really bad the past couple of days. Like almost as dark as it gets. I realized yesterday that when it gets this bad and I need people around me the most is when I push people away. I know part of it is because I have been shown in the past that most people don’t want to see the darkness; they only want the happy, bubbly Nicky. In the front of my brain, I know that I have people that would listen and support me even when I’m in this dark place but I just can’t bring myself to reach out and say “hey I’m struggling right now”. I feel like if I can’t tell you how to support me, that I should just keep it to myself. And the people pleasing side of me doesn’t want to bring others down with my darkness. 
I guess what I want to know is if other people have this problem too, and if so, how do you ask for support? I’m so bad at it that I’m crying just writing this because I feel like I’m being too much. I’m usually really good at self soothing and very independent but sometimes that’s not enough. I would appreciate any tips anyone has on how to stop pushing people away and learning how to actually have a support system. 

[beanbean]

Of course I think lots of us have  the same problem it’s easier to to push people away then deal with people or lash out at them at least in my experience when I am in my dark space I try to calm down before interacting with people so yes I push people away 

[MasterPhotog]

3 hours ago, NickyMoon said:

I don’t really know how this post is going to turn out but I’m struggling with my mental health right now and know this is a safe place. My depression has been really bad the past couple of days. Like almost as dark as it gets. I realized yesterday that when it gets this bad and I need people around me the most is when I push people away. I know part of it is because I have been shown in the past that most people don’t want to see the darkness; they only want the happy, bubbly Nicky. In the front of my brain, I know that I have people that would listen and support me even when I’m in this dark place but I just can’t bring myself to reach out and say “hey I’m struggling right now”. I feel like if I can’t tell you how to support me, that I should just keep it to myself. And the people pleasing side of me doesn’t want to bring others down with my darkness. 
I guess what I want to know is if other people have this problem too, and if so, how do you ask for support? I’m so bad at it that I’m crying just writing this because I feel like I’m being too much. I’m usually really good at self soothing and very independent but sometimes that’s not enough. I would appreciate any tips anyone has on how to stop pushing people away and learning how to actually have a support system. 

Thank you for trusting us enough to share all of this. Truly. The amount of courage it takes to open up while you’re in the struggle, while everything feels heavy and dark, is enormous, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now. What you wrote is honest, brave, and incredibly human.

I want you to know that you’re not alone in this pattern. So many people, far more than you’d ever guess, feel exactly what you’re describing: needing support the most right when it feels hardest to reach for it… worrying about being “too much”… fearing that showing the darker moments will push people away. That doesn’t make you broken; it makes you human and sensitive. And those qualities, even when they feel like burdens, are actually signs of how deeply you care.

It also makes complete sense that past experiences have taught you to hide your pain. When you’ve been celebrated only for being the “happy, bubbly” version of yourself, it trains you to think that your darker moments are unwelcome. But the people who truly care about you, the ones who deserve a place in your support system, want all of you, not just the polished parts. You don’t have to present a guidebook or have the perfect words. Reaching out can be as simple as:
“Hey, I’m having a rough day. Can you check in with me?” or “I don’t need solutions, I just don’t want to feel alone right now.”

It’s okay if your voice shakes when you ask. It’s okay if you cry. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what you need. Support doesn’t require perfection, it just requires connection.

And you are not “too much.” You are someone who is trying their best while carrying something heavy. People who care about you don’t want the edited version of your life; they want the real one, even when it’s shadowed.

Learning to stop pushing people away is a process, not a switch you flip. You can start very small:

1.  Send a single message to someone you trust.
2.  Practice saying one honest sentence about how you feel.
3.  Let yourself receive something without apologizing for it.

Little steps count. They build the muscle.

You deserve support. You deserve softness. You deserve people who stay, even in the dark. And the fact that you’re here, reaching out, tells me you’re already moving toward that.

One day, you’ll look back at this version of you with so much compassion and pride for how hard you fought to show up for yourself. You’re not doing this alone, even right now.

You’re doing better than you think. Keep going. 💛
 

[NickyMoon]

Thank you both for making me not feel so alone 🫶
And @MasterPhotog thank you so much for the kind words and the tips for how to reach out when I need to. Number 2 &3 on that list are going to take practice but it helps to have something to work towards. I come from a family where we were told to cry in the shower so no one would know and am definitely taking baby steps yo unlearn all that. 

[RoseyLittle]

I echo everything already said here. You are absolutely not alone. These are the processes that happen over tons of little baby steps woven together. Our adaptive survival based responses have often been around for years and years, honoring them for how they helped us, and then changing them into new ones takes lots of messy practice along the journey. And I just wanted to offer…you’re actually already doing it. You’re already in the steps doing something so vulnerable and hard and it’s freakin beautiful. ♥️

You sent a message to someone (or a space) you trusted, you said an honest sentence about how you feel, and then you let yourself receive something from it without apology or minimizing it. You did that! It’s an act of radical rebellion from what you grew up in.

I grew up in a lot of trauma, and I learned it was never safe to have needs/feelings of my own. It took me a long time to unpack and shift that, and it’s still a daily practice sometimes. 

One thing that helped me was beginning to realize that vulnerabilities create intimacy. That when I let people around me know the truth of my struggling it doesn’t create burden at all (with safe others/spaces), it creates permission for them to show their vulnerabilities too. It creates connection and depth. So thank you for being brave and vulnerable here. It’s meaningful. 

[Lil_K47]

hey sweetie I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. You know I think most of us have that reaction when we get into that dark place. We want to crawl away in our Heidi hole and hide from the world while desperately, secretly hoping someone will reach out and ask if we're OK, and see through the front that we're putting on! 

Admitting that you're struggling and reaching out is a huge step! It's not easy to do, it's not easy to admit that you're struggling even to people that you're comfortable with. Sometimes our inner self can be our own worst enemy!

So good job for reaching out and staying connected! 

You've been given some great advice here and I truly hope it helps! Feel free to reach out anytime if you need to have a chat. Sending big hugs! 

[MissAnna]

On 11/15/2025 at 10:59 AM, NickyMoon said:

I don’t really know how this post is going to turn out but I’m struggling with my mental health right now and know this is a safe place. My depression has been really bad the past couple of days. Like almost as dark as it gets. I realized yesterday that when it gets this bad and I need people around me the most is when I push people away. I know part of it is because I have been shown in the past that most people don’t want to see the darkness; they only want the happy, bubbly Nicky. In the front of my brain, I know that I have people that would listen and support me even when I’m in this dark place but I just can’t bring myself to reach out and say “hey I’m struggling right now”. I feel like if I can’t tell you how to support me, that I should just keep it to myself. And the people pleasing side of me doesn’t want to bring others down with my darkness. 
I guess what I want to know is if other people have this problem too, and if so, how do you ask for support? I’m so bad at it that I’m crying just writing this because I feel like I’m being too much. I’m usually really good at self soothing and very independent but sometimes that’s not enough. I would appreciate any tips anyone has on how to stop pushing people away and learning how to actually have a support system. 

I have this same problem, when I find my depression getting the best of me I push everyone and everything away as well. I am a very bubbly person as well, when I get sad, its a drastic change for those around me, some can't handle me being sad and they left (I've had a few people in my life leave when I was diagnosed and I had a friend for over 20 years tell me she couldn't handle my illness). Those who leave were never truly meant to stay in our lives, and those who stay will always be in our corner no matter what life may bring our way.  

When I was first diagnosed my depression hit me hard, it hit worse when my doctors told me i had to have treatments, I remember closing off. My cheerful disposition was nowhere to be found, I was sinking with no life boat to be found. I remember making a post and blog about how sad I truly was. You all rallied around me, you lifted me up when I felt as if I would never feel the sun again.

As you can see, so many people are here to rally around you. You are seen, you are valued, you are needed and you are loved.

Until next time remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 🫶