Advice Please

[LilSnuggleBug]

Hello everyone! I am new to this club. I had an account some time ago on here, but decided to deactivate it for personal reasons. However, these past few weeks have been extremely difficult, and I feel lost where I can go to get all of this out. 

My husband and I have known each other for about 10 years, married for 9. It has been a constant battle of getting him to provide what I am looking for in a kinky sense. We married so young, I was 16 and he was 20. I already had knowledge of DDlg due to some experiences in high school. I always made it clear that I wanted a DDlg dynamic as a part of our relationship. 

He made rules for me, checked them daily on a daily basis, gave me little time, and for the most part was consistent while we were in a LDR. When I moved to Brazil to be with him, it all stopped. No more rules, no more little time, no kinky time, and the list goes on. At first, he said it was because we were living with him mom and he felt uncomfortable. Even so, I had hope that one day, it would work out. 

For years, he made excuse after excuse: too tired, too busy, too everything. 

Now I'm to the point that I have absolutely no hope left inside of me. I have been crying off and on for two weeks. He has been my best friend for so long and in every other aspect, for the most part, we get along well. 

I feel like now I will have to choose between staying together and not having what my heart longs for or breaking it off. 

[Daddy Bear 77]

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you both the best. Maybe my experience can help. 

My ex-wife  and I had a similar problem. She wasn't a little and I hadn't found DDLG at the time but I felt like I longed for something shaped like that. I struggled with her lack of interest in touch, affection and inability hold conversation but it never got better. She initially balked at couples therapy because of the cost but I said divorce is more expensive. Therapy didn't fix our relationship but it helped clarify what could change. We eventually became like good friends/ roommates but being together was lonelier than being alone. It took me many years to remember what deep romantic love felt like and we separated amicably. Endings hurt but they can also be happy. We co-parent well and have a good friendship. We both met great people and learned what we need to be happy in a relationship and what we can't live without. I'm not saying leave him but you need to have a conversation with him and yourself about what you need and what you won't live without. If you two can repair wonderful but don't stay where you can't be happy. Dont leave without a conversation and chance at repair if they're willing to do the work but don't stay hoping they will change. 

[Sammyd1956]

I have no experience to base this on but from the human standpoint you have to have the converstation. It sounds like he wants to make you happy but at the same time he has fears with his family. Afraid of what they would think. Take a weekend getaway. Just the two of you where you can spend time in deep discussion. Lay out how you feel. What is missing from you. Ask him how he feels and if anything is missing for him in the relationship. But by all means please have the conversation.

[LilSnuggleBug]

Thank you Daddy Bear 77 and Sammyd1956 for the lovely and helpful advice. It really helps to have other perspectives. Yesterday, I took the day for a girl's day with my best friend, opened up my heart to her and had a good cry. This morning, him and I finally laid everything out on the table without arguments. We've decided to separate and remain friends. I have known him for almost half of my life, so our relationship is extremely close, unfortunately, just not working out in a romantic way. 

I feel grateful that we are aligned in so many other aspects of life, but there are essential things that he wants and I am unable to provide just as there are dynamics my heart desires. 

[Sammyd1956]

I'm so sorry @LilSnuggleBug but so happy at the same time. Talking to him was the right thing to do. Just know that life will be different now. Not bad, but different. And that is ok. You will find your happiness. It is just out there waiting for you. Best wishes.