(vent) grief + being annoyed

[dollreverie]

this is probably gonna be a messy vent because i’m all over the place. thankfully there isn’t any advice needed or anything, i just want to offload. 😞

 

i had to put my soul cat to sleep very recently. he was just so riddled with illness. illness that i was managing for more than two years, keeping him as comfortable as possible, taking care of him so attentively. but over the recent christmas period all his results were coming back horrible. then i had to make the decision to let him go so not to allow his suffering to get any worse. in the end, cancer and organ failure brought him to his time. he was the most precious, perfect, wonderful companion. the love of my life, my reason to live, my everything. my heart. and now we’re no longer together. i had him nearly 12 years. i cannot even find the words to express just how heartbroken i am. 

i have been enduring complex grief for a while even before this. my dad, who i also cared for, passed in 2023 and i just became so guilt ridden the year after and it took so much time and so much work to finally not constantly blame myself or constantly wish i was in his place instead. in some ways losing my cat is hurting me more than those immediate days and weeks after my dad’s death did because my cat was, after all, just an animal. an animal that entrusted his care to me. just so small. so small. he weighed only 2.6kg in the end. with my dad i was in anticipatory grief for a year so it was a relief when he went, bc i didn’t have to see him in pain anymore. with my cat, i just feel like i’m in complete and utter disbelief. everything seems so cruel and unfair. i don’t know how much more sadness i can actually take. i dug his grave and i used my bare hands to cover his body with the dirt because i didn’t want to throw it harshly on something so tiny. all i can think of nonstop is how his dead body felt in my arms as i carried him to lay him in his final resting place.

and so to hear, “he’s in a better place now” from people around me makes me want to combust. yes, i know everyone means well. i KNOW and understand this. but i have to ask, is being dead and in the dirt truly a better place than warm and safe and fed and with me? am i that awful that being in a grave is better for him? can’t you just say you’re sorry for my loss. do you have to tell me he’s in a better place? and again yes i understand people mean that he’s in cat/pet heaven. but like… let’s be so fr right now. this isn’t 100% guaranteed. i’m sorry to be so blunt about it. i completely respect everyone’s beliefs, but with something like THIS i have to just be firm on one thing. the only thing that would be 100% guaranteed is his happiness and contentment while alive under my care. not that there is possibly maybe potentially a chance that he’s in a heaven now where i’m not. i did appreciate and accept the sentiment the first two times but this is like the fifth or sixth time now. people also said it when my dad died. it just makes me want to throw up everywhere and rip my hair out honestly. what about being buried is so much better than being with me? why is it better to rot away than to be loved by me? what is it about me? i can’t help but take it personal after all this loss and hearing it every single time. by the way, i have enough discernment to know that this is all misplaced and misdirected anger because in grief, there is anger. yada yada yada. but well…. this is my vent lol. i just had to get it out of my system. aaaaand exhale. 

 

TLDR: if people have to say anything at all, why can’t they just say they’re sorry for my loss and leave it at that. why tell me the ones i loved so dearly and cared for so desperately are in a better place now? it’s not comforting at all. 

 

ok i just took a breather and read this all back. lollll. i promise i’m pretty pleasant usually. i’m just going through it. wehhh. anyway anyway anyway… if you somehow stumble upon this for any reason, i hope you have a nice day/night. bai bai

[MissAnna]

I'm right here with you if you need someone to talk to. I know how much you loved your kitty cat and I can't imagine the pain you're going through. It's heartbreaking and it absolutely just sucks. 

They aren't just an animal they become your kids they become your family they become your best friend. They love you unconditionally and when you lose them you feel like you lose a part of yourself. 

I might not be right beside you but I'm sending you the biggest most warmest hug. I'm right here if you need me

 

[MasterPhotog]

@dollreverie I’m so, so sorry. Reading this, you can feel just how deep your love for your dad runs, and how much care you poured into every part of his life and his goodbye. There’s nothing messy about this kind of grief - it’s the sound of a heart that loved fully and is now shattered by the absence of someone irreplaceable.

Twelve years of being each other’s constant leaves a space that feels impossible to comprehend when it’s suddenly empty. He wasn’t “just an animal.” He was your companion, your responsibility, your comfort, your heart outside your body. Of course this hurts the way it does. Of course it feels unreal. The bond you describe is profound, and the loss of it is profound too.

The way you speak about caring for him - managing his illnesses for years, protecting him from suffering, holding him gently even after he was gone - is filled with tenderness and devotion. He knew love and safety because of you. That matters more than words can hold.

Carrying grief for your dad and then losing your soul cat on top of that… it makes sense that it feels like too much. Grief doesn’t measure or compare losses; it just responds to love. And you loved deeply, in both cases. There’s no wrong or shameful way for this pain to show up.

I’m holding so much compassion for you as you sit with these memories - even the ones that feel unbearable right now. What you shared is raw and heartbreaking, and it’s okay that you needed somewhere to lay it down for a moment. You’re not weak for hurting like this. You’re human, and you loved fiercely.

Please take care💔

[InspireDaddy]

@dollreverie... you are so much more than just "pleasant usually". You are a beautiful, deep, and caring person that gave every last bit of your heart to your beloved cat. You cared for him when so many other people would have given up. You fought for him and gave him so many more happy years of life with you. You were there for him at the very end, you made the ultimate sacrifice to end his pain and suffering and start your own. You did everything you possibly could. You did everything right. And yet it still breaks you to your core and shatters you into a million pieces. It will never be fair or right. That is the sacrifice of true love.

It is a pain so deep I would not wish it on anyone, and yet it is only truly felt by the kindest and most special of people. I am so happy that your cat had such a loved and longer life, with such a caring and loving person, and I am so sorry that you have to feel this now.

I don't know if there is a god or heaven, but I do know for certain, your cat has already been in the care of an angel. ❤️ 

You already know I am here for you. 

I am sorry for your loss.

Edited 9 hours ago by InspireDaddy

[InspireDaddy]

Being Annoyed:
And yes! I don't like 'in a better place' either. It feels like such a hollow thing to say. What better place? Why is it better? How would they know? 

They don't know if a next life exists, or what it is like. They don't know your situation or all you did for him. The just unilaterally and arbitral declare whatever is next to be better. What is the point. It isn't helpful, it's kinda rude, and it carries almost no weight given the person saying it so obviously has no idea if what they are saying is even true.

Perhaps they are simply trying to say there is no pain for them any more. But why not just say that!

Maybe heaven does exist. Maybe your cat is in heaven now, with your dad, and they both have beards 😊 just like your dream 😊😊😊. Maybe the beards were a message about time and wisdom. I guess the worse thing about belief is when other people force their beliefs on you, and the best about belief is that you are free to choose what you believe. If I am going to believe in any heaven, then I choose to believe in the one where they can have beards and big smiles whenever they want. 

[Lil_K47]

im sorry for losses sweetie. having lost my mom quite a few years ago and being a pet mama myself I get it.

Big hugs! 🫂