Trauma patterns coming back under stress

[BabyPoppy]

I have a big doctor appointment coming up soon at Mayo... I'm starting to feel it in my body, mind spirit and soul... I know this is a stress response or rather a trauma response from years, decades, or a lifetime of not being heard, not being seen, and lack of validation.  I find myself withdrawing from safe people and slipping into unsafe habits again. I logically don't wanna do this! It is hurting my heart and I feel so frustrated, angry and sad when I see the choices I'm making, but I keep doing it! I just wanna stop! But I feel so helpless... which is a lie my overreacting brain is telling me... 

Deep breaths... calm... peace... one moment at a time... 

Tears are healthy...

I'm not alone... 

But everything is so big! So intense... I just wanna hide my head in the sand like an ostrich and let the world run by... 

I don't need answers, just people to sit with me in this moment. To be kind and gracious, as you always are. 

When life gets hard, I gotta learn to trust people, not run away. 

[Lil_K47]

oh sweetie I'm so sorry you're feeling the stress!! 

Like you said just remember deep breath! And remember I think you are way stronger than you think you are!! 

You're incredibly brave to come here and reach out! But even better, your self-aware of what you're doing! Which means you are in control!! 

And I will sit here with you and metaphorically hold your hand anytime you need me to! 🫂❤️❤️

Big hugs my friend big hugs!!

[princess_amelia]

Trying to break patterns is not easy! I think you're showing great bravery. Sending you warms thoughts 🌟

[RoseyLittle]

I’m so sorry this is overwhelming and hard right now. It’s beautiful that you recognize the trigger, the trauma response and old coping patterns even as they happen. That is the biggest part of the battle in slowly changing them. 

I can hear the way you are holding yourself with compassion in it too and I am all out Pom-pom cheerleading you doing that. I know sometimes a return of old coping mechanisms can feel like a game over button that starts us over. Womp womp. But this isn’t retro Mario style gaming, it’s 2026 rpg style! When we return to the coping mechanism we are not back at the beginning, we bring with us all our xp, and gear!! I swear this metaphor works. 🤣 Even in an old behaviour YOU are a different person than each time before, with a little more awareness, a little more practice. 

Like you write, you are not alone. One breath at a time, one moment at a time. You are human and beautifully imperfect. Also *climbs into the hard place with you and just sits* we don’t need to fix nothin. Happy to just sit with you in it. ♥️

[frantastic]

Trauma hits everyone different.  You are doing the right things. You will make it through this. I believe in you.

[Daddy Bear 77]

Good luck Poppy I'm rooting for you. 

[BabyPoppy]

I have been taking big steps and today was the initial phone call to go through all my allergies,  meds, and stuff! It was a lot, but it's over and in 1 week I'll have some direction on which specialists I need to see while I'm at Mayo for 2 - 3 weeks... it's getting real, but things are falling into place. 

My classroom is in order

My kiddo has a safe place to stay

I have the hotel booked

I just need transportation to and from Rochester, my car won't make it and my family and friends are not available... so I'm looking for local community support, either a ride or a vehicle to borrow. I firmly believe it will be ok. All things work out in the end. Plus the nurse told me today I don't have to have a support person while I'm being evaluated, so I just need a ride, not a person the whole time! I've got this! No need to be anxious! 

[Lil_K47]

You've got this my friend!! like you said all things are gonna fall into place, keep your faith!!

I wish I were closer because I would so totally go with you!! but if worse comes to worse you can always rent a little compact car! 

[Daddy Bear 77]

1 hour ago, BabyPoppy said:

I have been taking big steps and today was the initial phone call to go through all my allergies,  meds, and stuff! It was a lot, but it's over and in 1 week I'll have some direction on which specialists I need to see while I'm at Mayo for 2 - 3 weeks... it's getting real, but things are falling into place. 

My classroom is in order

My kiddo has a safe place to stay

I have the hotel booked

I just need transportation to and from Rochester, my car won't make it and my family and friends are not available... so I'm looking for local community support, either a ride or a vehicle to borrow. I firmly believe it will be ok. All things work out in the end. Plus the nurse told me today I don't have to have a support person while I'm being evaluated, so I just need a ride, not a person the whole time! I've got this! No need to be anxious! 

If I was anywhere near you I'd help TN is way far from Iowa. Do you have a go fund me?

Edited yesterday at 04:34 AM by Daddy Bear 77

[BabyPoppy]

20 hours ago, Daddy Bear 77 said:

If I was anywhere near you I'd help TN is way far from Iowa. Do you have a go fund me?

What's a go fund me? 

21 hours ago, Lil_K47 said:

You've got this my friend!! like you said all things are gonna fall into place, keep your faith!!

I wish I were closer because I would so totally go with you!! but if worse comes to worse you can always rent a little compact car! 

I did find a ride just now, but it's my ex husband... he's knows how sick I've been coz he's seen it for years and he's stable right now. The drive there and back is manageable in a day, if we leave in the morning...so I'm going to see if I can get out of my half day of work Monday. Then he doesn't have to stay with me... so many things to plan. 

[Daddy Bear 77]

It's a site where you can ask for help from friends/ family/anyone and they can donate money to help fund something. I couldn't help with a ride but many people might help some with the cost of the trip or hiring someone to help if they couldn't directly help. 

https://www.gofundme.com/c/start?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=3Q_US_Brand_Plus&utm_content=general&utm_term=gofundme_e_m_&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20279257806&gbraid=0AAAAADj5gICNJUmhc2f6yDHxgmlh_yNus&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7rDMBhCjARIsAGDBuED_IIxQuvC_t-5H8lJqR__QxGsjROCrcMewn5Q7b7C0OSUxMH___QMaAgXAEALw_wcB

Edited 7 hours ago by Daddy Bear 77

[BabyPoppy]

Thank you @Daddy Bear 77

[Daddy Bear 77]

Of course, keeping you in mind during this ordeal. 

[BabyPoppy]

It feels like it's happening to someone else, my best friend maybe, because I'm right in the middle of it, then it hits me that it's really me and I get scared... really, deeply scared all the way to my bones.... I can't explain it any better...