BabyPoppy Posted February 3 Report Posted February 3 I have a big doctor appointment coming up soon at Mayo... I'm starting to feel it in my body, mind spirit and soul... I know this is a stress response or rather a trauma response from years, decades, or a lifetime of not being heard, not being seen, and lack of validation. I find myself withdrawing from safe people and slipping into unsafe habits again. I logically don't wanna do this! It is hurting my heart and I feel so frustrated, angry and sad when I see the choices I'm making, but I keep doing it! I just wanna stop! But I feel so helpless... which is a lie my overreacting brain is telling me... Deep breaths... calm... peace... one moment at a time... Tears are healthy... I'm not alone... But everything is so big! So intense... I just wanna hide my head in the sand like an ostrich and let the world run by... I don't need answers, just people to sit with me in this moment. To be kind and gracious, as you always are. When life gets hard, I gotta learn to trust people, not run away. 4
Lil_K47 Posted February 3 Report Posted February 3 oh sweetie I'm so sorry you're feeling the stress!! Like you said just remember deep breath! And remember I think you are way stronger than you think you are!! You're incredibly brave to come here and reach out! But even better, your self-aware of what you're doing! Which means you are in control!! And I will sit here with you and metaphorically hold your hand anytime you need me to! 🫂❤️❤️ Big hugs my friend big hugs!! 3 1
princess_amelia Posted February 3 Report Posted February 3 Trying to break patterns is not easy! I think you're showing great bravery. Sending you warms thoughts 🌟 3 1
RoseyLittle Posted February 7 Report Posted February 7 I’m so sorry this is overwhelming and hard right now. It’s beautiful that you recognize the trigger, the trauma response and old coping patterns even as they happen. That is the biggest part of the battle in slowly changing them. I can hear the way you are holding yourself with compassion in it too and I am all out Pom-pom cheerleading you doing that. I know sometimes a return of old coping mechanisms can feel like a game over button that starts us over. Womp womp. But this isn’t retro Mario style gaming, it’s 2026 rpg style! When we return to the coping mechanism we are not back at the beginning, we bring with us all our xp, and gear!! I swear this metaphor works. 🤣 Even in an old behaviour YOU are a different person than each time before, with a little more awareness, a little more practice. Like you write, you are not alone. One breath at a time, one moment at a time. You are human and beautifully imperfect. Also *climbs into the hard place with you and just sits* we don’t need to fix nothin. Happy to just sit with you in it. ♥️ 2 1 1
frantastic Posted February 7 Report Posted February 7 Trauma hits everyone different. You are doing the right things. You will make it through this. I believe in you. 4
BabyPoppy Posted February 11 Author Report Posted February 11 I have been taking big steps and today was the initial phone call to go through all my allergies, meds, and stuff! It was a lot, but it's over and in 1 week I'll have some direction on which specialists I need to see while I'm at Mayo for 2 - 3 weeks... it's getting real, but things are falling into place. My classroom is in order My kiddo has a safe place to stay I have the hotel booked I just need transportation to and from Rochester, my car won't make it and my family and friends are not available... so I'm looking for local community support, either a ride or a vehicle to borrow. I firmly believe it will be ok. All things work out in the end. Plus the nurse told me today I don't have to have a support person while I'm being evaluated, so I just need a ride, not a person the whole time! I've got this! No need to be anxious! 2 1
Lil_K47 Posted February 11 Report Posted February 11 You've got this my friend!! like you said all things are gonna fall into place, keep your faith!! I wish I were closer because I would so totally go with you!! but if worse comes to worse you can always rent a little compact car!
Daddy Bear 77 Posted February 11 Report Posted February 11 (edited) 1 hour ago, BabyPoppy said: I have been taking big steps and today was the initial phone call to go through all my allergies, meds, and stuff! It was a lot, but it's over and in 1 week I'll have some direction on which specialists I need to see while I'm at Mayo for 2 - 3 weeks... it's getting real, but things are falling into place. My classroom is in order My kiddo has a safe place to stay I have the hotel booked I just need transportation to and from Rochester, my car won't make it and my family and friends are not available... so I'm looking for local community support, either a ride or a vehicle to borrow. I firmly believe it will be ok. All things work out in the end. Plus the nurse told me today I don't have to have a support person while I'm being evaluated, so I just need a ride, not a person the whole time! I've got this! No need to be anxious! If I was anywhere near you I'd help TN is way far from Iowa. Do you have a go fund me? Edited February 11 by Daddy Bear 77
BabyPoppy Posted February 12 Author Report Posted February 12 20 hours ago, Daddy Bear 77 said: If I was anywhere near you I'd help TN is way far from Iowa. Do you have a go fund me? What's a go fund me? 21 hours ago, Lil_K47 said: You've got this my friend!! like you said all things are gonna fall into place, keep your faith!! I wish I were closer because I would so totally go with you!! but if worse comes to worse you can always rent a little compact car! I did find a ride just now, but it's my ex husband... he's knows how sick I've been coz he's seen it for years and he's stable right now. The drive there and back is manageable in a day, if we leave in the morning...so I'm going to see if I can get out of my half day of work Monday. Then he doesn't have to stay with me... so many things to plan. 1
Daddy Bear 77 Posted February 12 Report Posted February 12 (edited) It's a site where you can ask for help from friends/ family/anyone and they can donate money to help fund something. I couldn't help with a ride but many people might help some with the cost of the trip or hiring someone to help if they couldn't directly help. https://www.gofundme.com/c/start?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=3Q_US_Brand_Plus&utm_content=general&utm_term=gofundme_e_m_&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20279257806&gbraid=0AAAAADj5gICNJUmhc2f6yDHxgmlh_yNus&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7rDMBhCjARIsAGDBuED_IIxQuvC_t-5H8lJqR__QxGsjROCrcMewn5Q7b7C0OSUxMH___QMaAgXAEALw_wcB Edited February 12 by Daddy Bear 77 1
Daddy Bear 77 Posted February 12 Report Posted February 12 Of course, keeping you in mind during this ordeal. 1
BabyPoppy Posted February 12 Author Report Posted February 12 It feels like it's happening to someone else, my best friend maybe, because I'm right in the middle of it, then it hits me that it's really me and I get scared... really, deeply scared all the way to my bones.... I can't explain it any better... 1
Littlebear^^ Posted February 16 Report Posted February 16 (edited) Sorry, ignore this one. I misunderstood how the things in here works Edited February 16 by Littlebear^^ 2
MasterPhotog Posted February 16 Report Posted February 16 On 2/2/2026 at 8:47 PM, BabyPoppy said: I have a big doctor appointment coming up soon at Mayo... I'm starting to feel it in my body, mind spirit and soul... I know this is a stress response or rather a trauma response from years, decades, or a lifetime of not being heard, not being seen, and lack of validation. I find myself withdrawing from safe people and slipping into unsafe habits again. I logically don't wanna do this! It is hurting my heart and I feel so frustrated, angry and sad when I see the choices I'm making, but I keep doing it! I just wanna stop! But I feel so helpless... which is a lie my overreacting brain is telling me... Deep breaths... calm... peace... one moment at a time... Tears are healthy... I'm not alone... But everything is so big! So intense... I just wanna hide my head in the sand like an ostrich and let the world run by... I don't need answers, just people to sit with me in this moment. To be kind and gracious, as you always are. When life gets hard, I gotta learn to trust people, not run away. @BabyPoppy First, thank you for being brave enough to share your feelings with people who care. I just want to say how deeply aware and courageous you are. The fact that you can name what’s happening in your body and mind — that you recognize this as a stress and trauma response — shows so much growth. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom. A big appointment at Mayo Clinic would stir up a lot for anyone, especially when you carry a history of not being heard or validated. Of course your nervous system is reacting. It learned, over years, that medical spaces weren’t always safe. It makes sense that your body is bracing. It’s trying to protect you. And the part of you that’s slipping into old habits? That isn’t you failing. That’s a survival pattern firing up. The brain prefers familiar over healthy when it feels threatened. It doesn’t mean you want those habits. It means your system is overwhelmed. There’s a big difference. I hear how frustrated and angry you feel at yourself — but I also hear the compassion breaking through: “Deep breaths…” “Tears are healthy…” “I’m not alone…” That’s not helplessness. That’s resilience speaking. Even in the storm, you are coaching yourself toward calm. When everything feels big and intense, it’s usually because your nervous system is scanning for danger everywhere. The “I just want to hide” feeling isn’t weakness — it’s exhaustion. And honestly? It makes sense. You’ve carried so much. You don’t need answers right now. You don’t need to fix yourself. You don’t need to be stronger. You just need someone to sit with you. So I’m sitting with you in this moment. You are not crazy for reacting. You are not broken for struggling. You are not weak for wanting to run. And you are absolutely not alone. The fact that you want to trust people instead of withdraw tells me your heart is still open — even when it’s hurting. That’s huge. That’s brave. Maybe for now, the goal isn’t “stop the habits forever.” Maybe it’s just: Notice when the urge comes. Put one hand on your heart. Say, “I’m safe right now.” Take one breath. Delay the habit by five minutes. Not perfection. Just five minutes. And if you slip? That doesn’t erase your progress. It just means you’re human and healing isn’t linear. This appointment does not define your worth. Your past experiences do not define your future. Your trauma response does not define who you are. You are someone learning to stay instead of run. Someone learning to trust instead of hide. Someone learning to sit with intensity instead of disappear. That is powerful work. For this moment, just breathe. Let the tears come. Let your body feel what it needs to feel. You are allowed to take this one second at a time. Continue being strong knowing we're here with you. 1 1
BabyPoppy Posted Saturday at 03:43 AM Author Report Posted Saturday at 03:43 AM Update After the first week if appointments at Mayo, I'm feeling much better emotionally! ❤️🥰 It does look like my root problem is lifelong trauma that I was unable to recover, rest and find much needed support. I had appointments all week and I have an appointment scheduled every day next week except Wednesday. My left foot is really in bad shape with a current break (again), a not healing fracture, and extensive ligament damage to the midfoot. Both feet have arthritis in multiple joints and both knees have moderate arthritis, with the left knee being more severe. - I'm still waiting on a consult from orthopedic/bone health. I have obvious sinus problems, and will have some allergy testing next week. I got into the fibromyalgia clinic next week, too. I actually have had this diagnosis since I was 21, but never been given a treatment plan, just told I needed to get over it and see a mental health provider... Thankfully, Mayo believes in integrative health and I'm learning a lot about rest, nutrition, exercise, toxic stress, and balancing my life. I'm also scheduled with a pharmacy consult next week. My tests this week have required me to be off some of my meds, and my symptoms got better! (I was even able to eat a SALAD!😱🥰💃🎉 - veggies i can chew instead of drink!!! 🎶Celebrate good times! Oh Yeah!🎶) My Mayo providers cannot taje me off my current medications, they can make recommendations to my care team back home... so hopefully pharmacy has a plan of attack to cut back on these meds... I do have a weight-loss clinic education session, too, next week. I really excited about this. It's something I asked for because I can eat healthy and exercise, but not loose weight... My main provider actually said it goes back to the trauma and cortisol my body makes when under stress that prevents me from losing or even makes me gain. The answer is reducing stress and trauma in my life... Bottom line... life changes are coming and I am relieved. While I've been gone it has taken 2 highly trained, extremely experienced teachers to replace me at work, plus an additional staff and other specialists have stepped in to help... my students miss me, they need me, but my health is more important and that is my priority. This weekend I am looking forward to my daughters visiting. It will be nice to see them. 1
MasterPhotog Posted Saturday at 09:11 PM Report Posted Saturday at 09:11 PM 17 hours ago, BabyPoppy said: Update After the first week if appointments at Mayo, I'm feeling much better emotionally! ❤️🥰 It does look like my root problem is lifelong trauma that I was unable to recover, rest and find much needed support. I had appointments all week and I have an appointment scheduled every day next week except Wednesday. My left foot is really in bad shape with a current break (again), a not healing fracture, and extensive ligament damage to the midfoot. Both feet have arthritis in multiple joints and both knees have moderate arthritis, with the left knee being more severe. - I'm still waiting on a consult from orthopedic/bone health. I have obvious sinus problems, and will have some allergy testing next week. I got into the fibromyalgia clinic next week, too. I actually have had this diagnosis since I was 21, but never been given a treatment plan, just told I needed to get over it and see a mental health provider... Thankfully, Mayo believes in integrative health and I'm learning a lot about rest, nutrition, exercise, toxic stress, and balancing my life. I'm also scheduled with a pharmacy consult next week. My tests this week have required me to be off some of my meds, and my symptoms got better! (I was even able to eat a SALAD!😱🥰💃🎉 - veggies i can chew instead of drink!!! 🎶Celebrate good times! Oh Yeah!🎶) My Mayo providers cannot taje me off my current medications, they can make recommendations to my care team back home... so hopefully pharmacy has a plan of attack to cut back on these meds... I do have a weight-loss clinic education session, too, next week. I really excited about this. It's something I asked for because I can eat healthy and exercise, but not loose weight... My main provider actually said it goes back to the trauma and cortisol my body makes when under stress that prevents me from losing or even makes me gain. The answer is reducing stress and trauma in my life... Bottom line... life changes are coming and I am relieved. While I've been gone it has taken 2 highly trained, extremely experienced teachers to replace me at work, plus an additional staff and other specialists have stepped in to help... my students miss me, they need me, but my health is more important and that is my priority. This weekend I am looking forward to my daughters visiting. It will be nice to see them. I'm so proud of you. Please continue taking baby steps, you're doing amazing and will get there sooner than you think! 1
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