Feeling overwhelmed

[BabyPoppy]

It's starting to hit me that I'm leaving... for 3 weeks... leaving my daughters, my home, my routines, my safety to find help and healing. It's not the first time I've been gone for my health and I'm starting to have flashbacks of how hard it was to resume regular life. I've been struggling today with getting things done... it's a freeze response. I've spent the past 2 weeks planning, organizing,  being rational, logical, focused and making sure everyone else is ready... now it's time for me to finish packing and get the last of my stuff ready to go and I'm truly terrified! 

I'm an introvert,  from a small town, and I really need my routine to feel safe. I'm going to a huge hospital in a big city (big to me), all by myself, and my routine will be all over the place. 

I'm worried about everyone else, when I need to relax, breath and prepare myself. 

To say the words I feel scared both that the doctors will find something major, turning my entire life will be upside down, or that I will once again be told we need more tests... I'm so tired of being sick, weak, exhausted, and not being able to eat or sleep. I want answers,  but I'm also afraid of what that could mean for my future! 😞😢

 

[redruffle41]

Good luck!!!!  I'm going to be sending you good vibes! I hope this process leads you to some healing and peace. 

[NickyMoon]

Sending you so many hugs Poppy. That sounds scary to be going through. I know for me it is easier to worry about everyone else before helping myself so just the fact that you are doing this for your health is a big deal. I don’t really have any words of wisdom but you deserve so many hugs for facing something scary head on and for taking care of yourself 🩷

[PrincessM_13]

Hi Poppy. I'm sending you positive good vibes. It's understandable for this to be nervous and scary for you. I hope your healing journey goes well. 

[BabyPoppy]

Sooo being real a minute... I saw my family today, actually my mother was visiting last night til after lunch today and my brother drove in to take us to lunch... it is so difficult to be with them. I love them, but it's not hard to hear anout my faults, over and over.

 

It's hard to remember not to be honest about my feelings or to only share parts of what is going on when family is around. Personal things are not kept private and feelings are used against me. It's so much harder when I'm sick and overwhelmed and have been under evaluation for over a week...

 

I've been trying to focus on the positive,

 

they are talking to me again,

 

they are trying to be kind in their way,

 

it's family and no family is perfect,

 

life is tough and so are you

 

But instead I just slipped into littlespace and tried to forget... but then I had to do laundry... now the big feelings are hitting abd I found myself halfway through a bag of cookies!!! Ugggggg!!! Soooo frustrating!!! I'm here to get better and it's so frustrating when stress gets too big for me to handle! 

 

Wish I could just shut out all the mean things and not remember them, but instead I hyper focus on them and sooo I need to breath... and relax... without my anxiety meds or asthma meds....sometimes life just is too much...