need some advice on how to cope with psychological pressure

[melissa_kastya]

I don't think this is the most important question ever asked here, but I just want to express myself a little and ask for advice (｡´-д-)。 

So, my family is pretty... conservative. They're not extremely religious or anything like that, it's more that it's just the norm in the area where I live, where they grew up, and they've absorbed it over the years. That's why I feel very uncomfortable around my parents, hehe, yes. I really love and cherish my mom, I love my dad, even though he's, to put it mildly, a domestic tyrant, but they're the only ones I have.  

The thing is, they put a lot of pressure on me.

"Do you have a boyfriend yet?",

"You know you need a successful, intelligent man."

"It's high time you got married."

"You're twenty years old, it's time to think about a family."  etc... 

I hear this kind of thing almost every day, every time we interact. These are some of the first questions my parents ask me when we meet. It's annoying and depressing, to be honest, and it makes me feel inadequate every time. Am I really not good enough for someone like that man who's they talking about pay attention to me? Ugh, questions like these just eat away at my brain for days after... _(:3 」∠)_  

By the age of mine, my mother already had two children. She got married at 18, her mother got married at 17, her mother's mother at 17, and so on... But I don't want that! I'm just starting to understand what's going on around me! I like studying, learning about the world, just enjoying the moment here and now! I don't want a husband, I don't want children, I don't want a family, at least not in the near future.

I don't know how to stop taking their words so close to heart... I don't want to argue or fight with them about it, they want what's best for me, but in their own way, it's the world they grew up in, and I grew up in a different one, and that thought is a little comforting, but to be honest, it doesn't make it much better. 

If you have any advice on how to discuss this with them, or maybe you've been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear it!🌺 Thanks for listening to me, haha, it still sounds confusing, I know:p  

Edited Tuesday at 07:04 AM by melissa_kastya

[MasterPhotog]

@melissa_kastya First, what you wrote doesn’t sound confusing at all. It sounds honest, thoughtful, and very self-aware. And that already says so much about you. 

You clearly love your parents. You see their humanity, their background, the world they grew up in. At the same time, you’re starting to see your own world, your own timing, your own desires. That’s not selfish. That’s growth.

It makes complete sense that their constant comments would wear you down. When the first thing you hear every time you meet is:

•  “Do you have a boyfriend?”
•  “You need a successful, intelligent man.”
•  “It’s time for a family.”

…it stops being harmless curiosity and starts feeling like a verdict. Of course it would make you question yourself. Of course it would stick in your mind for days. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care.

But here’s something important:
Their timeline is not a universal law. It’s just a family pattern.

Your mother married at 18. Her mother at 17. That was their normal. But you are not a continuation of a schedule. You are a person. And at 20, wanting to study, explore, learn, and understand the world is not only valid, it’s beautiful.

• You’re not “behind.”
• You’re not “inadequate.”
• You’re not less desirable because you’re not actively searching for a husband.

You’re simply building yourself first. And that’s powerful.

Now, about not taking their words so close to heart, that’s hard, especially when it comes from parents. But it can help to separate intention from impact.

• Their intention: security, stability, what they believe is happiness.
• The impact on you: pressure, self-doubt, frustration.

Both can be true at the same time.

If you want to talk to them without arguing, you might try something gentle but firm, like:

•  “I know you want the best for me, and I appreciate that. Right now, what feels best for me is focusing on my studies and figuring myself out.”
•  “I’m not against family in the future, I just don’t want to rush into something before I’m ready.”
•  “When you ask me about marriage every time we meet, it makes me feel like my other achievements don’t matter.”

You’re not attacking them. You’re describing your feelings. That’s different.

And if they don’t fully understand? That doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes parents need time to adjust to the idea that their child has a different life path.

Also, something very important:
You don’t have to convince them in order to live your life.

Even if they continue to think differently, you are allowed to move at your own pace. Adulthood is partly about learning to tolerate that your parents may never completely agree with your choices, and still choosing them.

You said, “They’re the only ones I have.”
But you also have yourself. Your curiosity. Your desire to learn. Your awareness. Those are not small things.

The fact that you’re asking these questions means you’re not drifting — you’re thinking deeply about your future. That’s maturity.

And honestly? There is something very brave about breaking a generational pattern gently instead of rebelling loudly. You’re not rejecting them. You’re just choosing differently.

That’s strength.

• You are not late.
• You are not failing.
• You are becoming.

And that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing at 20. 🌱