Abandoned

[julieee444]

Just when I start to give in and to trust he simply pulls away

dissapear or a block or ghosting

and I keep asking myself what have I done wrong

am I not obedient enough, not pretty not skinny, not sexy why I am always not enough for you to stay?
is this my destiny to suffer in loneliness from the moment I was born my Mam gave me up to be raised by my grand pa …. My father I don’t remember except one scene of him playing with me…

the loneliness creeped in since I was a baby a child a toddler and so on so on 

the days I cried hiding in my home just because I had no one to go to

I was invisible and I tried to keep it this way.

now DADDY do you think I am unlovable?

is it so hard to see me to feel me to stay for me

I am not even the last of your priorities am simply not existing in the list..

and obviously every Man I meet feel the same about me.

invisible unloveable.

[WinterBabyx]

Hi Julie- 

Your post is very relatable to me. I almost always feel like I need to perform to my best ability in order to be loved by someone. Often I find myself nitpicking so many details about myself physically and emotionally, and justifying being abandoned by others by bringing myself down. I’ll tell myself i’m not beautiful enough and i’m not interesting enough, i’ll compare myself to others constantly and tell myself that it only makes sense why i have been abandoned/ hurt/ ghosted. I want you to know that you are not alone, and that none of those negative things you think about yourself are true. Someone who truly loves you will love you regardless of you being sexy enough or skinny enough. They will love you with every flaw, maybe even more because our flaws are what make us unique. I know this is a hard lesson to learn, because i am still learning it and struggling with it. I am not in a romantic relationship currently and often feel like i am unworthy of love. I know that it takes time to love yourself, but just know that you are not alone in this. This year i told myself that i was letting go of the idea that i need someone else’s approval to love myself. It is easier said than done, and I still find myself holding on to that negative way of thinking, but maybe it’s something you should think about too. 

Much Love - Winter

[MasterPhotog]

2 hours ago, julieee444 said:

Just when I start to give in and to trust he simply pulls away

dissapear or a block or ghosting

and I keep asking myself what have I done wrong

am I not obedient enough, not pretty not skinny, not sexy why I am always not enough for you to stay?
is this my destiny to suffer in loneliness from the moment I was born my Mam gave me up to be raised by my grand pa …. My father I don’t remember except one scene of him playing with me…

the loneliness creeped in since I was a baby a child a toddler and so on so on 

the days I cried hiding in my home just because I had no one to go to

I was invisible and I tried to keep it this way.

now DADDY do you think I am unlovable?

is it so hard to see me to feel me to stay for me

I am not even the last of your priorities am simply not existing in the list..

and obviously every Man I meet feel the same about me.

invisible unloveable.

@julieee444 

My heart really aches reading this. The pain in your words is so deep and so real. I want to start by saying this clearly: nothing about what you wrote sounds “unlovable.” It sounds like someone who has been hurt, abandoned, and left questioning their worth for far too long.

When someone repeatedly pulls away, blocks, or ghosts you, it makes sense that you’d start turning the blame inward. Our minds try to make it make sense: *What did I do? What’s wrong with me?* But someone else’s inability to stay, communicate, or show up consistently is not proof that you are not enough. It’s evidence that they are not capable of offering the stability and care you deserve.

And when you’ve experienced early abandonment — being given up as a baby, not remembering your father except for one small moment — that loneliness doesn’t just disappear. It can settle deep inside and whisper old lies: You are invisible. People leave. Don’t trust. You’re too much or not enough. Those feelings didn’t start with the men you’re meeting now. They started with wounds that were never your fault.

You were a child. A baby. You didn’t do anything to deserve feeling alone. You didn’t fail at being lovable.

The fact that you hid your tears and tried to stay invisible tells me how much you’ve been trying to survive. That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.

And no, you are not invisible. I see someone who longs deeply to be chosen, to be stayed for, to be felt. That longing doesn’t make you needy or unworthy. It makes you human.

It may not be that you are unlovable. It may be that you are drawn to people who confirm the old story your wounds already believe — people who pull away, who repeat that early pattern of abandonment. That doesn’t mean every man feels this way about you. It means your heart is still trying to heal something very old.

You are someone who hasn’t yet been met by someone emotionally available and capable of staying. That is about compatibility and their capacity, not your worth.

Please don’t decide your destiny based on people who couldn’t see you properly. The right kind of love doesn’t make you beg to exist. It doesn’t make you question your value. It doesn’t disappear when you start to trust.

You deserve someone who stays.
You deserve to feel seen.
You deserve to take up space.
You deserve to be chosen without having to shrink or chase.

And even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, your existence has weight. Your feelings matter. Your story matters. You matter. And you're lovable! 

[MasterPhotog]

1 hour ago, WinterBabyx said:

Hi Julie- 

Your post is very relatable to me. I almost always feel like I need to perform to my best ability in order to be loved by someone. Often I find myself nitpicking so many details about myself physically and emotionally, and justifying being abandoned by others by bringing myself down. I’ll tell myself i’m not beautiful enough and i’m not interesting enough, i’ll compare myself to others constantly and tell myself that it only makes sense why i have been abandoned/ hurt/ ghosted. I want you to know that you are not alone, and that none of those negative things you think about yourself are true. Someone who truly loves you will love you regardless of you being sexy enough or skinny enough. They will love you with every flaw, maybe even more because our flaws are what make us unique. I know this is a hard lesson to learn, because i am still learning it and struggling with it. I am not in a romantic relationship currently and often feel like i am unworthy of love. I know that it takes time to love yourself, but just know that you are not alone in this. This year i told myself that i was letting go of the idea that i need someone else’s approval to love myself. It is easier said than done, and I still find myself holding on to that negative way of thinking, but maybe it’s something you should think about too. 

Much Love - Winter

@WinterBabyx Reading your words honestly means so much. Thank you for being this open and vulnerable about your experience. I’m really sorry that you carry that feeling of needing to perform or be “enough” in order to be loved. The constant nitpicking, the comparisons, the way you turn the pain inward and try to make sense of being hurt by blaming yourself… that’s exhausting. And it makes my heart ache knowing you’ve been so hard on yourself.

I want you to know how deeply I see the strength in what you shared. Even while you’re still struggling, you’re choosing to speak kindness to others. That says so much about who you are. The fact that you can remind someone else that they’re worthy of love, even while you’re still learning to believe it about yourself, is incredibly powerful.

You are not unworthy. Being hurt or ghosted is not proof that you’re not beautiful enough, interesting enough, or lovable enough. It’s often a reflection of other people’s limitations, not your value. The right kind of love won’t require you to shrink, perform, or compete. It won’t demand perfection. It will feel safe, steady, and accepting.

I really admire your intention this year - letting go of needing someone else’s approval to love yourself. That’s brave inner work. And you’re right, it’s easier said than done. Healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel strong in that belief, and other days the old thoughts will creep back in. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it just means you’re human.

Please be gentle with yourself in the same way you’re gentle with others. The parts of you you call “flaws” are parts of a real, layered, feeling human being. And that is something truly beautiful. You deserve a love that feels steady, especially from yourself.

You’re not alone in this. And neither is @julieee444 🤍

[julieee444]

4 hours ago, MasterPhotog said:

@julieee444 

My heart really aches reading this. The pain in your words is so deep and so real. I want to start by saying this clearly: nothing about what you wrote sounds “unlovable.” It sounds like someone who has been hurt, abandoned, and left questioning their worth for far too long.

When someone repeatedly pulls away, blocks, or ghosts you, it makes sense that you’d start turning the blame inward. Our minds try to make it make sense: *What did I do? What’s wrong with me?* But someone else’s inability to stay, communicate, or show up consistently is not proof that you are not enough. It’s evidence that they are not capable of offering the stability and care you deserve.

And when you’ve experienced early abandonment — being given up as a baby, not remembering your father except for one small moment — that loneliness doesn’t just disappear. It can settle deep inside and whisper old lies: You are invisible. People leave. Don’t trust. You’re too much or not enough. Those feelings didn’t start with the men you’re meeting now. They started with wounds that were never your fault.

You were a child. A baby. You didn’t do anything to deserve feeling alone. You didn’t fail at being lovable.

The fact that you hid your tears and tried to stay invisible tells me how much you’ve been trying to survive. That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.

And no, you are not invisible. I see someone who longs deeply to be chosen, to be stayed for, to be felt. That longing doesn’t make you needy or unworthy. It makes you human.

It may not be that you are unlovable. It may be that you are drawn to people who confirm the old story your wounds already believe — people who pull away, who repeat that early pattern of abandonment. That doesn’t mean every man feels this way about you. It means your heart is still trying to heal something very old.

You are someone who hasn’t yet been met by someone emotionally available and capable of staying. That is about compatibility and their capacity, not your worth.

Please don’t decide your destiny based on people who couldn’t see you properly. The right kind of love doesn’t make you beg to exist. It doesn’t make you question your value. It doesn’t disappear when you start to trust.

You deserve someone who stays.
You deserve to feel seen.
You deserve to take up space.
You deserve to be chosen without having to shrink or chase.

And even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, your existence has weight. Your feelings matter. Your story matters. You matter. And you're lovable! 
 

 

 

 

your words mean a lot to me. 🌸

 

[julieee444]

6 hours ago, WinterBabyx said:

Hi Julie- 

Your post is very relatable to me. I almost always feel like I need to perform to my best ability in order to be loved by someone. Often I find myself nitpicking so many details about myself physically and emotionally, and justifying being abandoned by others by bringing myself down. I’ll tell myself i’m not beautiful enough and i’m not interesting enough, i’ll compare myself to others constantly and tell myself that it only makes sense why i have been abandoned/ hurt/ ghosted. I want you to know that you are not alone, and that none of those negative things you think about yourself are true. Someone who truly loves you will love you regardless of you being sexy enough or skinny enough. They will love you with every flaw, maybe even more because our flaws are what make us unique. I know this is a hard lesson to learn, because i am still learning it and struggling with it. I am not in a romantic relationship currently and often feel like i am unworthy of love. I know that it takes time to love yourself, but just know that you are not alone in this. This year i told myself that i was letting go of the idea that i need someone else’s approval to love myself. It is easier said than done, and I still find myself holding on to that negative way of thinking, but maybe it’s something you should think about too. 

Much Love - Winter

 

knowing tha5 my words are being read and felt makes so much difference for me and knowing that I am not alone in the struggle make me feel less lonely thank you so much for sharing your words and experience with me and I wish for both of us happier heart and happiness.

 

[English]

9 hours ago, julieee444 said:

Just when I start to give in and to trust he simply pulls away

dissapear or a block or ghosting

and I keep asking myself what have I done wrong

am I not obedient enough, not pretty not skinny, not sexy why I am always not enough for you to stay?
is this my destiny to suffer in loneliness from the moment I was born my Mam gave me up to be raised by my grand pa …. My father I don’t remember except one scene of him playing with me…

the loneliness creeped in since I was a baby a child a toddler and so on so on 

the days I cried hiding in my home just because I had no one to go to

I was invisible and I tried to keep it this way.

now DADDY do you think I am unlovable?

is it so hard to see me to feel me to stay for me

I am not even the last of your priorities am simply not existing in the list..

and obviously every Man I meet feel the same about me.

invisible unloveable.

Dear,

You have difficult time, but believe me, be my friend and you will never feel lonely. 

It's not your fault. Those who left you are losers. 

If you want a friend, please feel free to follow me. 

[julieee444]

50 minutes ago, English said:

Dear,

You have difficult time, but believe me, be my friend and you will never feel lonely. 

It's not your fault. Those who left you are losers. 

If you want a friend, please feel free to follow me. 
 

thank you so much ☺️