How to handle big feelings befor exploding into pieces

[babypichu5]

Hi friends 🤗. I would like to brain storm a problem together and see what you think. I frequently deal with emotional disregulation due to changes in routen and sensory processing disorder (spd). This can results in a meltdowns and shutdowns, I'm autistic, a fellow aspi if you will, so this is just comes with the territory. 😣

 

I have taken steps to try and mange my spd (thats a whole nother topc for another day) but can't manage meltdown well. I can suppress them up until appoint. Heck, I can even acknowledge when one is coming on but in those states I lack the mental capacity to acess the rashional side of my brain to find a solution. This delay in response easily yeids at best, a shutdown and at worst, a meltdown. 

 

One of the curent stratiges I've been wanting to impliment is to create a calm down corner and list of simple instrutions so that when I feel these feelings coming on, past me has made a plan for current me tackle the situation.

 

Some context that can help guide answers are.

 

-I hate noise and light when I am stressed.😖

 

-I love fuzzy, squishy, and smooth textures.😇

 

-I like deep pressure like a weighted blanket.😇

 

*mild trigger warning*

Self-h**m mentioned. Skip the hidden paragraph if that topic causes you stress. 

Spoiler

-Some stims that I am trying to a void is kicking, hitting, and head banging. If you are not familiar with asd those are common maladaptive copes for disregulation but obviously are dangerous. These are not results of the person thinking about there actions but instead are involuntary responsible from the body. 

 

Also another helpful detail, I lose the capacity to translate complex thought into words and often will result to grunts, yells, and screems to express emotion or "communicate" needs which is not productive and is distressing to me and the person trying to help me. When I calm down I mange to speak and have the simple speech patterns of a three year old. All that to say is I regress quite a bit.  

Again none of this negative behavior is on purpose it's not the same as having anger issues but is a nervous system issues (please feel free to ask me questions on this and I can clarify and answer as best as I can). 

To tie this all together, my question is what steps or rituals would you suggest I take as part of my written instructions for dealing with emotional disregulation as well as what sensory based activities should I implement to help myself calm down and reduce dangerous stims?

🩷 Thanks a ton for reading this. It means alot to me for someone to read my honest thoughts and reflection. It feels like apart of me gets to be seen and there for not alone. I look forward to interacting with your responses see your perspectives. 

Sincerely,

💛Pichu 

[redruffle41]

Hi 👋 @babypichu5

Thanks for your message and for being open to feedback.

Gentle things to calm yourself are good and it sounds like u have a practice with sensory needs like low light, soft texture and weighted blanket. (Add noise cancelling headphones? They're about $50)

But if you're about to explode IMO you need something that's going to answer to that deep well of anger, anguish, fear of annihilation that is a meltdown.

To avoid the self ***m stim would it help you to find a place where you can PUSH your arms and /or legs really, really hard? A doorway can be a good spot, a bed with metal bars, or a small nook with walls that are close together and feels safe.

For me, this is what feels good:

if I can find the sweet spot where my arms can lock and I can engage my whole body without hurting a joint.

If I'm sitting on the floor (because I've fallen there, lol) I love pressing my back into a wall using my straight legs. A hallway that's the right size can help or closet.

I can hold a pillow to my face, add an ice pack to the face (someone can bring that to me if I'm melting down and set it next to me silently. I don't have to use it but I don't have to walk to the ice box if I need it either. This is a way for them to support that feels safe for everyone) and wow. Cold pain can really help get the energy out.

If I'm on my bed I lay face down (scream into that mattress yo!!) and I press my hands into the metal bars of my headboard. I lock my arms. This is wonderful bc the mattress provides enough give for me to be able to find that sweet locked joint place for my shoulders and elbows but the mattress also PUSHES BACK AGAINST MY PUSH. It's so so helpful.

A note about self***m and the need for pain:   The contact from the bars on my palms can hurt a little and that's ok for me!! I don't know where you are with self***m but for me I have a relationship with pain that's ok for me to cause myself pain. The bars don't cut, they're rounded and not sharp. So the pressure is deep but not sharp. I have indentations after, never bruising. But this may differ for you in the amount you use this. My holds tend to be brief. Maybe 60 seconds at a time before I get tired and need to reevaluate.  I understand everyone is at a different place with self***m. But I wonder if needing some pain is ok. And I think it's smart to avoid the harm from hitting your head or kicking that may hurt your leg or ankle. I do think kicking heels into the ground while lying on your back is ok. I have a gymnastics mat for that. If you need space to thrash around make sure your go to spot has enough room so u don't hit yourself on something hard. 

 

As a pre coping mechanism you can have someone lay on top of you, kneel on your back with knees on your hips and hands on your shoulders, or they can practice standing on you and giving pressure. This is good to practice when calm so u can communicate but maybe you can build up a practice that helps?

Edited Thursday at 10:20 PM by redruffle41

[babypichu5]

Hi @redruffle41, thank you for your thoughful reply! I really appreciate it.🫶

Yeah, I have more tactics and tools in the sensory department than I do in the meltdown department. I have noise canceling headphones as well as some earplugs, both of which are very helpful. I'm actually thinking of getting a second pair for work. 😊

I found the advice of pushing hard against a wall (or doorway) with my arms locked or if I'm sitting, with my back against the wall and my legs locked to be helpful. I will definitely be trying that! 

I have sorta done the ice thing but instead lowered the temp inside my house to make it cold. That numb feeling is grounding for me. Personally, I would be hesitant with the ice in fear of frost bite, all though, I have never tried it so you would know better than I. 

I think also having the concept of something to grip hard is also helpful. I don't have the type of head board you described but I for sure can find something ridged that I can apply pressure to. That pressure you described is exactly what I am looking for.

In terms of pain and self***m. For me I avoid causing pain bc it can quickly escalate to actions that I don't want to take. I do think though what you described is a safe way for me to gain agency over my mind and body with out hurting it.

Thank you so much for choosing to take time to help me out. It makes me feel seen, heard and like I'm not alone. I hope you have an amazing day.
~💛 Pichu 

 

[BabyPoppy]

You mentioned a weighted blanket... I recently learned they make weighted sweatshirts for adults! It's a sensory thing to help with self-regulation! They can get pricey,  but they don't need to be the fancy ones. Just a simple one will work. 

I also wear a onesie or body suit under all my clothes because the tightness helps me physically hold myself together in public or at work. 

I do wall push-ups when I start to feel over stimulated and those can be done in a bathroom stall at work or in public.

I also hold an ice cube in my fist for 10 seconds to flip my brain from emotional to logical thinking.  If I don't have access to ice, I put a cold paper towel on my forearms for 30 seconds. 

Another thing I do is Stomp it Out... when my legs need to move and my emotions are all mixed up, I stomp hard as I can in giant elephant stomps. It lets out my feelings without hurting myself or anyone else.

I carry a small stuffy at all times and hold it when I need to have something to squeeze in my hand. 

Noise canceling headphones are wonderful.  My oldest has sensory processing disorder, specifically auditory and she had to listen to special music 3 times a day to help calm her. Now music is something she does to remain calm, too. It has to be specific rhythms or beats in the background that sooth her, but it works to keep her calm. 

If light bothers, maybe some sunglasses even inside. I know that's a tough one, though coz I hear the lights. It's not just that they're too bright, it's also that they're noisy. I miss quiet lights. I use lamps at home as much as possible. 

[babypichu5]

Thank you Poppy, your suggestions they are very helpful. 

I will look up the weighted hoody I think I would like something like that. I also where tight clothing under my cloths. It makes me feel so safe and relaxed! 😌

I often get disregulated because of work. I really like my job (I work at a farm) and I don't want to leave. I can just have a hard time sometimes. I like the push-ups idea bc I can do that in the work bathroom whenever I need a minute to relax. 

I've gotten into the noise canceling headphones, I'm just a little embarrassed about them.  It don't want to come off as rude. But I know if explain it to my boss he will understand. I'll generaly where them when I am alone they make me feel like I'm in my own safe bubble of quite. 

Thank you so much! You mentioned so many creative ideas. I'm glad to know I'm not only one with these struggles.

I hope you have great weekend and a happy Easter. 

~💛Pichu 

[BabyPoppy]

Thank you for your kind words! Have a wonderful weekend and happy Easter to you, too!