Grief and Depression

[innerchildtml]

I have felt like I was managing grief okay. Sadness is normal. The panic attacks were new, but I already have OCD and anxiety so that made sense. 

I have never had serious depression and with my OCD I try not to start compulsive behavior. Im finding getting to sleep each day is getting harder and getting out of bed is even harder. 

Im finding either I cant stop moving or cant start.  And while im completing stuff nothing seems to bring me joy the way it used to.  

I know this is part of grief and my doctor is following me and will adjust meds when needed. I just hate that I thought I was doing okay and now Im struggling more than I was right after AJ passed.  

I thought watching my husband pass would be the hardest thing I ever did.  Apparently I was wrong. 

My brain refusing to function making me feel unlike myself is the worst.  

Not having someone to hold me through the tears is worse. 

Feeling like I am letting others down or making their lives harder is worse.

Crying over stupid things, like finding a stash of my favorite chicken strip sauce he kept just in case is worse.

As someone who is used to being in control at work and being directed when not, being fully out of control with no guidance is worse.

Having to make every decision from big to small is worse.

Feeling like no one really knows me anymore and most likely will not is worse.

I don't expect anything from this post or group. I just needed a safe space to write.  

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.  

[BabyPoppy]

I'm here to listen if you need a friend.  

[Lil_K47]

i'm so sorry sweetie! I know you know this, just remember grief is a process. You're gonna have  good and bad days, rest and repeat. if you're on discord and there as well feel free to send me a follow and I'm happy to give you my info if you ever wanna chat.

I've kind of been slacking but a lot of us use the Finch app. It's great for setting goals and little chores and we all try to support each other, maybe something like that could help give you a little bit of structure. and it's super cute!