Is there such a thing as too much trauma?

[BabyPoppy]

I have been stuck in my head this week with all the therapy I'm doing and I'm starting to wonder if I've just had too much trauma to be "typical"? 

I'm incredibly self-aware, I've done all the therapies, seen all the professionals, providers, learned all the science,  the skills and supports necessary to recover.  Currently I'm training my body to relax and calm down during stressful situations, something I need, but I'm also finding out how much all this trauma, stress, pain, and suffering have destroyed my physical body. I am trapped in the consequences of other people's bad choices and I feel angry!!!! Something I haven't felt before... I'm good at forgiveness,  grace, mercy, understanding,  compassion, but anger? Sadness? Regret for the loss of safety I rarely experienced? 

Is there too much trauma? Too much to overcome? Too much to truly recover from and be healthy? 

The short answer is no... I just need to accept where I'm at abd set my expectations appropriately.  But the grieving is so painful. I missed so much, and now it looks so overwhelming.  

Poppy 💕 

[Insanity_Stars_Birdie]

Hi friend! I have these thoughts a lot too and you put it so beautifully. 

I have CPTSD and as a fellow educator I'm sure you've probably heard of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). Out of 10 I score an 8. Science tells us so much about what these do to our bodies

Anything over 4 comes with severely heightened risk of physical side effects. Without trauma my illnesses would not be as progressed as they are. I get angry about it too. Its harder for us. Those of us who have so much trauma that doing all the right things doesn’t always work even. 

We've missed so much. There's so much to mourn that we didn't get to have. 

But you're absolutely right. There's always a road to recovery. We need to meet ourselves where we're at and celebrate every step. Big. Small. Forwards. Backwards. 

I'll say what I always say. Trauma healing, particularly complex trauma, is not a straight line. It's more like a scribbled page one might see from a child. Not too different from the inner child we're trying to heal. 

Keep doing what you're doing! And remember backwards steps are still steps! You'll move forward again soon

[Tendillo]

19 minutes ago, Insanity_Stars_Birdie said:

Keep doing what you're doing! And remember backwards steps are still steps! You'll move forward again soon

I don't claim to have much knowledge or experience of what you've endured , @BabyPoppy, but these words from @Insanity_Stars_Birdie struck a chord with me.

I've often found that our route through life, to reach a particular destination, won't be a simple A to B, but seems to involve detours and challenges that feel so unwelcome and even unnecessary at the time, as we have to divert to other points to find our path, but... in the long run, even those seemingly backward steps are there for a reason, a lesson to learn or something helpful that we can only find by following those steps. 

We may not see the value of these detours at the time, but it eventually becomes clear in the longer run. We may see only a steep mountain to climb, but can find a more circuitous and ultimately easier way if we trust in ourself and keep believing.