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Attached to Daddy


littlelyna422
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Hey everyone. I'm fairly new to the DD/lg lifestyle, and my current "daddy" is a FWB. This danamic works alright for the most part. My biggest issue though is I just want to be with him 24/7, or at least be texting him all the time. But we have our own lives, so that obviously can't happen. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with feeling extra clingy?
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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld
If you are friends with benefits, thats your answer. You want a relationship, he doesn't. Incompatibility is not something that can be fixed.
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I didn't get that the "FWB" thing was a problem, it simply might not be the proper time in their lives for a relationship for whatever reason, they might not want anything overly romantic, or want something different. As long as both parties are happy with this label it's perfectly fine. Now the thing is, are you happy with that? If not the clinginess might be just you being insecure about the current relationship you're in and fear of potentially losing your partner. 

 

Other than the label of the relationship, there are a couple of things you can do. That have helped at least me. Set up a specific time in the day to talk to your partner, every day. It can be once, twice, for 5 minute, for 30. It's just something to look forward to. Like good morning and night texts, having a quick call during lunch break or whatever, a longer one after work. This way you have something to motivate you and that you'd look forward to. Maybe bring things up with your partner, talk about how attached to him you feel... please proceed this with caution if you're dealing with someone terrified of commitment. Try to occupy your mind with something else, something that excites you... no idea what that would be for you, but anything from cupcake decorating ideas to reading jokes works. Just keep your mind busy... or busier with something else (easier said than done, I know). 

 

It's okay to be clingy to a healthy degree, as long as it doesn't consume or affect your life negatively go for it. Most of us (littles, and I'm speaking purely in my opinion) are kinda needy. And that's 100% normal and okay, even charming. So don't be to hard on yourself for feeling how you're feeling. (sorry if I'm giving bad advice, just sharing my view, also feel free to friend and message me if you ever have the need to just vent) *virtual hug* ^..^ 

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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld
You are advising her how to deal with a relationship. She is not in one. By definition, fwb is not a relationship. Its two unattached people who occasionally have sex. He is not her partner. Not saying anything against that if thats what she wants, but looks like thats NOT what she wants.
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Relationship is a connection between people. It doesn't have to be a romantic one. And like I said it's just my opinion. First word in "friends with benefits" is friends. And I believe everyone is attached to their friends in one way or another, sex also sometimes helps a lot with bonding, him being a "daddy" figure for her just adds even more into it. There are people that are aromantic and aren't looking for a romantic relationship, doesn't make any other type of relationship they have less valid. I don't know what she wants from this, hence why I asked if she's happy with current arrangements. Only so many conclusions can be made from a small paragraph. 

 

Sorry if my advice was incompetent or not what she was looking for .-. 

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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld
I don't know either, but it seems she wants the kind of thing I mean by the word relationship in this context. As in a committed romantic one. Not saying I'm right and you're wrong, but if she wants what she appears to want, she won't get it from him.
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I don't think its healthy for a daddy to be a FWB type. Friends yes your daddy doesn't have to be your sexual or romantic partner but add the "with benfits" to it and you get this.

 

My advice is the same I'd give to anyone. Talk it out like adults with him.

Also while you know your friendship better then me despite what you say I don't think it's working for the most part for you as you say, if you were happy and content with how it is going you wouldn't be on a fourm asking for advice about it.

 

Agian we can help but only so much what it comes down to is You and him sitting down and talking about what you want and what he wants and how to have all need's met worst that happens is you lose your FWB but end up with a platonic, best friend, Daddy seriously though talk talk talk talk talk talk communicate talk talk talk!!!!

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 talk talk talk talk talk talk communicate talk talk talk!!!!

 

 

 ^^^

 

Communication is vital to any relationship. Take the dynamic out of it and ask yourself what you'd do in this situation. Hopefully it would be to talk to him and voice your concerns. If he isn't looking for more and is comfortable with your situation as is, you can do one of two things.

 

  1.  Stay in the same situation knowing you want/need more than you are getting.
  2.  Find a new relationship that gives you what you want/need.

If you just want more contact time, I like Ambry's ideas of setting up times to talk or text. Clinginess is fine to a degree but you have to realize that it's unreasonable to expect constant contact, although it should be no sweat to send a few quick messages during the day.

 

If you want a romantic or more involved relationship with him, then you really just need to make it known and the outcome of that conversation will hopefully give you some clarity on what to do next.

 

Best wishes!

 

<3

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Guest Elencha
I kinda have to go with MyDaddyMyWorld on this one. Just look at the thread title. I'm new to this and all, but how does one have a daddy to whom they are NOT supposed to become attached? It seems a contradiction in the very ideas to speak of a FWB being one's daddy. I know that the F stands for friend, but can we all stop pretending that we don't know that in the context of that particular acronym, friend is euphemistic about 99.99999% of the time?
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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld

I kinda have to go with MyDaddyMyWorld on this one. Just look at the thread title. I'm new to this and all, but how does one have a daddy to whom they are NOT supposed to become attached? It seems a contradiction in the very ideas to speak of a FWB being one's daddy. I know that the F stands for friend, but can we all stop pretending that we don't know that in the context of that particular acronym, friend is euphemistic about 99.99999% of the time?

Exactly. Couldn't have said it better myself. All of it.
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He's not yours to be attached to. You may call him Daddy, but he's not your Daddy. The very nature of a FWB isn't conducive to the DD/lg dynamic. Clearly, you want more and should find someone who wants that as well. 

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He's not yours to be attached to. You may call him Daddy, but he's not your Daddy. The very nature of a FWB isn't conducive to the DD/lg dynamic. Clearly, you want more and should find someone who wants that as well. 

 

^ This

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I will agree with MyDaddyMyWorld on this as well. FWB is just a casual sex partner, a booty call there is nothing wrong with that if that is all you want but if you want a relationship that has more too it than you need something more than just FWB.

 

if you are feeling clingy you are feeling a need, and if that need is not being filled than perhaps this guy is not enough. Some people just need that extra attention so there is nothing wrong with being clingy. 

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At no point does it say that he does or doesn't want to take it further. Yet as usual, certain people assume they know all the answers.

It is perfectly possible that fwb can turn into a real actually relationship just as much as ANY friendship can.

All that op actually says is

But we have our own lives..

these "lives" are perhaps hindering a fuller relationship from occurring.. This could be for many many reasons on either side Eg. Jobs, distance, either one of them could have other relationships/family etcetc

My advice would be to speak to HIM first and foremost, not a bunch of internet strangers, and especially ones that are so assuming ;)

 

Also as you state you are "fairly new" to *THE DYNAMIC* (I feel it should come with dramatic theme music each time people say that) perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed by the exciting parts of it? As we have no idea if during the "wb" part of your fwb involves any kind of DD/lg etc type interactions, its hard really do advise at all.

 

As with most everything in life, communication is key. Both to him (if you want to take it further...) And to "the community" if you want actual advice ;)

 

Finally, clingyness to a someone whom you feel very strongly towards is perfectly reasonable and to some extent, expected. Especially if you recently shifted/started something such as *THE DYNAMIC* (dun dun duuuunnnnn) you just need to try and find a thing you can do to occupy your hands that isn't texting him non stop.. Hard I know, but otherwise it will eat away your time and reinforce that heightened panicky clingy butterflies feeling.

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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld

Just to pick up on one point, lives hindering a full relationship? Daddy has a job with erratic, 12 hour shifts and a child to visit. We are eighty miles apart most of the time. I have three kids, two jobs, and we both have homes to run, bills to pay. He is remodelling his house and at the moment I'm having to search for somewhere else to live. To name a few bits of "life"

And we have a very full, committed 100% "real" relationship.

Excuses don't work. Everyone has a life.

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Guest Elencha

And again I have to agree. Life is not a barrier to commitment or attachment. Life can limit the time one is able spend doing a thing or being with a person, but it's not like the electric company checks whether you have a committed relationship before they'll cash your check. Your boss isn't going to refuse to let you show up to work because you are attached to someone emotionally. That's just silly. I can understand a person saying, "I don't have as much free time as I'd like to spend with you because my life is hectic," but "I can't commit to you because my life is hectic" is plain ridiculous. Forgive me if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to, it's just that I've heard that sort of nonsense before and it gets my dander up. :-P

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Guest Buttons

OP has created this thread to receive advice on her situation. It is understandable that members will have different opinions on the matter - but please remember that all opinions must be respected. Our rules state: "Be respectful towards others." This applies to all situations. 

 

Replies in this thread have become very argumentative, and are not at all helpful to the OP. Please respect that others may have different relationships to yours. If you have nothing helpful or constructive to say to the OP, move on. 

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