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Why am I so shy here


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Hi little friends and caregivers! This is my first time starting a thread and so I'm half excited and half scared. Actually that is exactly what I wanna talk about.


I'm an extrovert and I absolutely don't mind talking to new people and I gain energy around people than when I'm alone. And as I find this community and the topics super interesting, I read a lot and I want to participate more. But I'm scared and shy for some reason. I thought being anonymous would give me more confidence? But it's the opposite. I manged to reply to some of those casual "whats your favorite --" types of threads. But when it comes to actual or serious discussions and interactions, I don't really know what to say. I don't have much experience to give advices. I am scared that my replies are not what they are looking for or what if they find them offensive because that's not how they think?


I'm also guessing this is because it's online where you can't perfectly understand other people 's reactions. Like no facial expressions and no hmm subtle characters in people that you see from physically talking to them. So you don't know what to expect.


Why do you think this shyness is the case? Was it hard for you too in the beginning? Maybe there are others like me who'd very much like to be involved more but are too shy/scared for some reason. I want to encourage and support them by sharing my thoughts here and maybe they can post their first post here!

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Lack of experience generally will produce emotions such as anxiety and perceived shyness. It's a perfectly natural response when you're delving into something where you have little to no experience, especially if you're surrounded by those with more knowledge than yourself.


If you're here for knowledge, friendship or possibly more, just remind yourself that you're in a safe environment. The moderators and users here are very kind and understanding, as well as welcoming. Put yourself at ease in knowing that you cannot say anything inherently 'wrong' if you're asking questions or looking to gain some experience.


It can be a little intimidating at first, and it might even cause you to feel a mixture of excited and anxious, which again, is a natural response to the situation you're in. However those feelings will pass fairly soon once you become more comfortable in this new environment.


So be at ease in knowing that it happens to plenty of others and that you can ask any questions you desire without fear of any repercussions. Just ensure you read the rules and follow the community guidelines provided here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/5031-community-rules-and-guidelines/


You're definitely not alone in regards to your feelings with this particular issue.

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Oh herro! :3

If I had to guess, I'd say that your shyness probably stems from your lack of experience with giving advice/discussions on serious topics. Maybe you feel like your words mean little because you'd be "stating the obvious" or feel as if they have no significant place in a thread. I mean, it's just my speculation of course, I don't KNOW if any of this is the case lol :p

But it may be, consciously or subconsciously. If it is and you recognize it, don't be so harsh on yourself. Of course what you have to say is important and everyone would love to hear your stance, and thoughts! ^w^

Next thread you really want to comment on, just relax and be open towards yourself and the people here. They're not bad people (at least the ones I've met lol) and your words aren't insignificant or hurtful!

Well, that's all I got lol :p

I hope you shed your shy layers soon and have a great time here with everyone! ^^

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The fact that everyone has their own level of knowledge and individual experience is what makes life interesting!


This goes doubly so in a community where so many people ask for advice and opinions. Though you may feel inexperienced, something you say may resonate, but you won't know unless you say it :)

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Hi cookiemonster! good job on initiating a thread :-)


I think maybe you feel shy because your experience level makes you question what contribution you can make and how it will be received? and/or you feel shy because this is a public forum and unlike talking to others in person your comments are preserved online?


The people here are mostly positive and sympathetic, so your worry that your replies will be judged harshly comes more from anxiety. Being scared of doing something makes you super critical of yourself and makes you think everyone else is being critical of you in the same way. But actually to some extent everyone else is preoccupied with their own worries!


I've comfortable here now, but in the beginning I just read other peoples posts for a while before I contributed. I think there is a lot to figure out at the start. It took me some time to understand my own way of approaching ddlg and I wasn't ready to post on the boards. Also although I was confident in myself and had life experience, I questioned what I would be able to offer to discussions since there were obviously wise people here who had long experience in the dynamic. 


I did what it sounds like you're doing, which is to speak to some people away from the public boards and then also make posts on those threads that I felt I had something to say. I think if you do that for a while you will naturally come to feel more comfortable and more settled in how you see yourself in this community. Even if some people disagree with you (or you with them), that's actually helpful - if it's not malicious - because it helps clarify your own thinking and it's useful to have different ways of looking at things.


I should also emphasise that I learn from people of all experience levels on here, sometimes something just resonates and the experience level of the person saying it isn't a factor, that's part of what makes these forums so interesting.


I'd also repeat your call to any others who haven't posted but want to join in!

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Guest L.Brownie

Hi cookiemonster!


I think I kinda know what you mean nd thank you for putting it out there!


For me its about worrying about offending somebody by asking or saying something stupid because of my lack of experience in this 'world' as I call it.

I hope we both will get more comfortable as we go forward! :D

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Ahhhhh! Why is everyone so nice. I really appreciate all your support! This is probably why I like coming here so maaachh despite my lack of sleep. I always end up spending good chunks of time here learning from reading and seeing everyone help/support each other. I'm glad I'm more confident now to maybe participate actually.


It's true. I don't have much experience to share. So I'm not the best one to ask for advice on this topic haha. But I do have ideas and thoughts how I'd deal with stuff if anyone asks! So I'll believe you all above for that I can be helpful, and try harder to engage in more discussions. I hope to see you all there:)


Hahah yay DaddyJ thankss for um um celebrating (?) for my um first post, you really helped me lots lots hehahahhe. And Brownie, yayayay to you too for coming out here!

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