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On-line expectations


LolitaDaddy
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Online relationship tends to have a cycle. Connection occurs quickly, like love at 1st sight & right into a honeymoon period of euphoria. Soon enough reality can sink in just as quickly, which can be disruptive either from chatting too much, a bit suffocating or wanting to chat more & not getting enough as they try to find balance.

About this point, one would like to move forward & be exclusive & the other thinks you sound really nice but is there a bigger fish out there? The result is one calls for time-out to cool off & both either drift apart or if mature, they make adjustments to each other's habits & personalities to get over the hurdles in hope of something long lasting works out.

Is that about right?

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For me it depends on the person.

 

I've done online relationships that started as a one hour train ride, to commuting from the UK to California for 3 years. Every relationship has a honeymoon period of course, after that it's down to the level of commitment and true feelings for one another. I find people often throw up hurdles where there might not be a need for them.

 

End of the day, everything can be worked through if love is there.

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I agree with BeardDaddy. Every relationship, even in real life, has a honeymoon period. If someone is feeling smothered they need to say so. Same goes for feeling like they aren't getting enough attention. Communication is the biggest thing. And not just talking about how your day has been but saying when you are and aren't happy with what is going on. How can your partner know you're upset with them if they don't even know that something has gone wrong? Yes at the end of the day everything can be worked out if there is love but it really does take commitment from partners to make it work. No one person can keep a relationship alive and they shouldn't be expected to. You go into the relationship with 2 (or more) people then it should be tended to with 2 (or more lol) people. And every relationship, friendship or otherwise, takes work to keep it going.

 

As far as "is there a bigger fish out there"... you're always going to wonder if there is a bigger fish, but you have to remember and enjoy who you are with currently. Ignoring them in search of someone new isn't fair to them and it's disrespectful. If that happens then you should just leave your partner and not string them along with false hope. If both of you love and enjoy each other's company but want to search for other partners then maybe try being in an open relationship. It takes A LOT more communication but where is the harm in it if everyone is happy and not hurting someone? Just some food for thought.

EDIT: I'd like to add that in my opinion online relationships are not lesser than IRL relationships. It just means that for now you're far away but some day hopefully you'll be united with them.

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Guest Elencha

I have a theory that a large part of the reason online relationships seem to have so many problems is in the language we use. Notice how we say online relationship versus in real life relationship. What you do is your real life whether you do it in a chair in front of a computer in the kitchen in front of a stove or on your front porch in front of a fire pit. The people with whom you interact and the interactions you have with them are 100 percent real life regardless of the medium of expression. I think on a cognitive level we all know this but on an emotional level we tend to forget it. I think that, frequently, people sabotage relationships developed on the Internet by second-guessing their validity, even if only in their own minds. I suspect this is the cause of that tendency to hold out for the "bigger fish", as well as the all too frequent, "I thought we were so into each other but then he/she disappeared." I really think we need to change the way we think of interacting with people via this particular medium.

Just my two cents...

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Guest starrflower

Online relationship tends to have a cycle. Connection occurs quickly, like love at 1st sight & right into a honeymoon period of euphoria

 Friendship and a true bond takes a lot of time.  And it also takes time to see if two people are compatible.  And I am not talking about a "perfect" connection because there is no such thing.  It is so easy to fall for someone really quickly.. whether it is online or face to face.  It is really common to build a fantasy around people we barely know.   Especially people you meet online.  You really have no idea who you are talking to.  Certain healthy boundaries need to be put in place to keep everyone in reality.  For the protection of the little and the daddy.  

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@Elencha.. I agree people are real & it would be ideal that we give each other such time, attention & dedication. However it does not seem to be generally reciprocated due to that lack physical or emotoinally developed intimacy.
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Guest Elencha

It could be a lack of physicality that causes the failure to connect, but I don't think that's it on its own. I really think it comes down to this misconception that what we do online is somehow not a part of real life. Even where we cognitively know better, this tendency to distinguish between online and real life remains. It's like distinguishing between orange juice and juice.

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