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I Need Advice


Princess Lisi
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My daddy likes to change things up and we used to do slapping. Recently he ended slappings. But this past weekend we were at the mall and I tapped him on the cheek with a wad of cash and said "guess how much?" He then slapped me across the face and I walked away. The next day when I confronted him he claimed "it wasn't out of anger you needed to learn a lesson, don't hit daddy."
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I think this is an easy one to get immediately judgey about, but let me hold off on that for a moment. My personal response to this is much less important than your own.

 

Even though you are the little it is really really important that you are communicating clearly what your own needs are around how you are treated. Your Daddy has no right to do things that are not going to be authentically good for you. It sounds to me like this was shocking and hurtful and confusing for you, that you haven't been given a good explanation or a way to make sense of that, that perhaps your boundaries were not respected (I don't know the particulars of how you guys act, but am going off your response here). Your Daddy has the responsibility to take care of you, and sometimes that might require correcting you, but he has no right to be abusive, just as no daddy has any right to be abusive to any girl.

 

Is it OK to feel bad and angry and confused that he did that? Yes it is. Frankly, your Daddy is lucky that someone like me didn't see him do that in public.

 

Please listen carefully to what you are feeling. 

 

One thing to consider - by doing that in public you Daddy not only showed disrespect to you, but he also showed disrespect to anyone around that might have seen that. They have no way of understanding what they were seeing. We have ethical responsibilities to others not to involve them in our dd/lg dynamic unless they have consented, which is why public play needs to be very carefully considered. Frankly, this does not sound like play to me in any case.

 

This is your first post here I see. I'm new here too, although not new to other forums. Can I ask you to do one thing please? Stick around. It's so great and clever of you to reach out and ask more experienced people about what happened to you. Good for you! Sometimes when you have a Daddy it's really sad to have to be taking care of yourself too. But it's so important and it's so good of you to be doing that!

 

If your daddy in any way restricts your access to communicating with other people will you please let us know that immediately? Would he be angry you are making this post? Would he treat you badly because he was angry about it? This is really important to know.

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But others did see a lady next to my table witnessed the first hit. I looked down in shame and then he smacked me again. Nobody said anything they just put their heads down...
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To answer some of your questions, he doesn't like me talking to boys. At all. Also, I had to do this in "incognito mode" because if he saw my history he would get very upset.
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first tapping someone is not hitting them. That was abuse plain and simple, there is no other way about it. running away would be the best choice for your personal safety especially if he would be angered by you coming here which would be another red flag.

 

I am also surprised that no one did anything, I certainly would have without hesitation stepped in. but unlike remi I would hold it against them.

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Do not put your head down on shame, what he did is in way good nor it anything but a form of abuse in my book.

 

The way he is controlling you where you have to buy incognito mode is a big, big red flag. I always say talk first before making a decision but with my experience and gut feeling I would say walk away and do not look back. I only see it becoming very unsafe and abusive.

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Please consider removing your profile picture. In your situation, that may be unwise.

 

Like everyone is telling you, the reason I asked if he is trying to control or limit your communication is because this is a very dangerous sign. Please take this very seriously.

 

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. The fact you are being hit and the fact that you are being isolated have NOTHING to do with a daddy dynamic, ok? That's not how this should be. Not at all.

 

It may be easier said than done for you to leave this relationship, and you may be feeling very confused about if you even want to - especially if you have pets or children together or something like that. That's OK. If you are confused, that is normal too.

 

I want you to know that if you aren't ready to leave, then that's ok. You get to choose what is right for you. I don't get to choose that. Your daddy doesn't get to choose that. You do. What I want to tell you is that there are people you can talk to who can offer you help. Please don't think that help means intervention. If you talk to these people it does not mean you will be taken from your home or police will show up or anything like that. It just means that you will get to make a friend with someone who cares about you and who can offer you some really good advice and things to think about. You don't even have to give them your name or anything like that.

 

Would you do something for me please?

 

Go here as your next step:

 

http://www.thehotline.org/

 

Read about 'stay safe' there. This is your first priority for now. From that web page you can also jump in to an online chat, or there is a phone number to call if you are in the USA. For more information about the things they can help you consider (again - they don't need to know your name and if you can post here then you can online chat with them) look at their page: http://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/

 

Other than that, do you have family nearby you can talk to about this? 

 

You are going to be OK, and you are being very brave and clever to ask questions about this.

 

Would you please post again here to let us know if you have gone to that web page and that you are talking to the right people to help you?

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I took the advice and had a sit down with him he started crying and said "It was for a lesson, I would never hurt you out of anger." Honestly, I'm feeling very conflicted and don't know what to do. I left and told him I'll be spending the night with a friend. He got angry and said "Fine, leav, it's what you always do."
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I'm so happy to hear you will be spending the night with a friend. It's a great sign that you have that support.

 

Maybe your friend has a computer or an internet cafe near them? If you can come and go as you please from where you live that's a great sign for you too and means you have a lot of options about what to do here.

 

What I suggested still stands. Please do jump on the chat on this website:

 

http://www.thehotline.org/

 

and let them know what is going on for you, ok? They will be able to give you the right questions and things for you to think about that will help with that confusion. Even if it feels like things have blown over a little bit it's super important to talk to those people please. In fact when things are not in a big crisis is a really really smart time to talk to them because your brain will be a bit clearer. Don't give in to the easy option of hoping things will fix themselves somehow magically. If your car had problems you'd see a mechanic, and if your body had problems you'd see a doctor, and problems like this need someone with the right training too. It's great that you have reached out here and I think we are all SO PROUD of you that you did that, but you do need to be smart about who you listen to right now and those people are the right people. Please do that, ok? People who don't have the right training can not be as useful to you as you need right now. I promise the people on that website will give you the right questions to ask yourself about this situation and will help walk you through the right things you need to do to be safe in the right order.

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Thank you for taking these step and Wolfdaddy thank you for spotting out the sighs of an abuse. I am sorry to say but you are in an abusive relationship. I want to warn you to be vary careful the next weeks. Really think about leaving him. Keep people informed.

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