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Need help: family similarities in ddlg!!


Kitprincess
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Hey so I really am needing help I might be over reacting but who knows. I am a little to my daddy but today while I was at work with my sister (we have identical jobs: theme park face painters and happened to even have the same shift that day just different spots in the park and she's been there two years whereas I'm brand new). So we were having lunch when she suddenly starts begging me for a bite of my food and she kept saying "pwease" exactly like I do with my daddy when I'm in my little mood. So I basically flipped out and went into an existential crisis where I started going over my life in comparison to my numerous other sisters. My mind just kept recalling all the similarities that have been pointed out to me throughout the years and how we're all identical. We have the same faces, the same laughs, we eat food the same, we have the same body build, the same curves/ lack of them, we eat the same food, we use all the same stuff, so all the same things - we are like a bunch of paint containers that spilled together and just formed the color brown and you can't tell the end of one from the beginning of the next. That's when I realized that were even identical in that we are all some how littles... And I just went insane mentally I felt like I shattered honestly because I started wondering if I was just doing this all with my daddy just cause I was a caring kind person in which case all my sisters would have ended up doing the exact same thing, the one thing I had thought I was special in turns out to be exactly the same as always.

 

So now I feel like I can never be a little again like I mentally cannot force myself back into that bubble because every time I start to I realize this is just making me exactly like the rest of my family; the one thing I have tried to prevent my entire life. That all being said I know that this ddlg life style is like godsend to my daddy and he loves it everyday it makes him happier than I have ever seen him before. So I think I need to break up with him to protect him. Because I know he loves me so so so much that he would stop doing ddlg if it meant keeping me but I could wake up in the morning knowing I'm doing that to him, taking away something that gave him such joy.

 

Please help... Somebody, anybody really, I don't know what to do.

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So what I'm hearing here is that it is deeply important to you to feel special and distinct from your sisters. This is so deeply important that it would 'break' you to imagine that one or more of the others shared a little aspect.

It's great that you have realised this, because it seems to me that working with this realization is going to be very healthy for you.

So there are all sorts of things I could say like:

* if being little is authentic for you, then you need to embrace it because being authentic to yourself is what sets you apart from the rest of the world

* no two people can be the same. Your specialness and individualness is yours. Even if you think someone is quite like you it's impossible for them to be *exactly* like you and deep inside you are very different.

 

* the important thing is to be the person *you* want to be, and not to let that be defined by others. Not wanting to like ice cream because your sister or your best friend or your worst enemy or whatever likes ice cream is allowing them to define you. Do you like ice cream or not? That's the thing to worry about because, again, being authentic to yourself is what is important and ultimately what sets you apart from everyone else.

* it's very normal to share body language and mannerisms with family because family was where you learned those things!

And so on. But I'm not sure how reassuring any of that would be. Because what I am hearing right now is a big big big amount of fear. And it's fear about a sense of self, about 'who am I?' stuff.

It sounds like you have a good daddy. It would be very cruel to him to break up with him. The one strong suggestion I have is to explain all of this very clearly to him (show him this post if you have to) and let him help you. Please don't make decisions for him about what is best for him. That takes away his right to make his own choices. At times like this, be vulnerable and pull in close. That's what love is.

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Ok I'm going to tell you a real and true story about me in a smilier way. My whole life people have told me that I'm going to be just like my parent I'm going to go into the medical field, so i kept thinking like you I can't do that its just like them. So i didn't for years i was going into the video game industry and i was going to be happy. Then it crashed and i need to find a major. I did after the day I saved a mans life. Right then and there I realized something I'm not turning into my parents or anything like that I'm doing it because I want to. 

 

What I'm saying is just because your sister said please that way doesnt mean your turning into the same. Just like by me saving the guy doesnt mean I'm turning into my parent. It means I'm not scared to be who i am even tho there are similarities. I want to be a doctor but my parents are nurses. Trust me this will pass one day because you'll see who you are.

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Thank you to both of you @wolfdaddy that is really great advice to talk to him, he's just been so busy today we've barely been able to say "hi" and were long distance now so I won't get to see him sadly. So it's just made the whole thing harder. And @masteratm thank you it does help to hear a real life connection to kind of put it all in perspective.
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You are unique and special all on your own! Just because you and your sisters behave in a similar way doesn't mean they're all little too. Having a healthy inner child is normal and important, and it seems to me that you all must have been very close growing up if all of you tend towards childlike behavior. I have not had your life experience so I can't speak about how you feel, but I would loved to have even one person in my family that could understand me. I had two jerkface brothers who never passed up an opportunity to let me know I was weird. So there could have been that.

 

But no matter how alike you are to your family members, you are still an individual. You are the only J2cambell, not interchangeable with any of your sisters, no matter how similar you might seem. Let them be them and you be you. ^_^ I guarantee you are very special to your friends and to your Daddy!

 

P.S., I used to have that same job! Face painting was the best job I've ever had. And if it's Kaman's you're working for, go as far as you can with them! They are amazing and I soooo regret not going into management there!

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Guest Elencha

I have to echo the ATM on this. I used to be terrified of turning into my mother. I looked so much like her people called me by her name. I always joke to rap fans that I was the original Lil' Kim, because even people who had never met me knew I was hers at a glance and called me that. Throughout my twenties every food order I placed that was identical to hers, every life parallel that popped up made me cringe and caused internal strife. I'm very lucky I didn't give myself an ulcer. I'll be 40 next week and guess what? I am like my momma in a lot of ways, and it's sorta cute, but I'm different too and that's sorta awesome. The fact is, that combination of similarities and differences is a big part of what makes families the beautiful, frustrating, wonderful, annoying group of crazies we insist on spending our holidays with.

All of that stuff WolfDaddy said is excellent food for thought, and you should DEFINITELY heed his advice about not stealing this decision from your daddy, but let me add this reassurance. Don't sweat it. You are like your family, we all are. You are also unique and special.

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I so understand this. 

Story time:

My mom and I have always been similar and I love it mostly....but then I realized she was showing some kink tenancies and then she came out to me as polyamorous and bisexual. And then I accidentally saw a email on her phone from fetlife. And then her boyfriend gave her what looks like a day collar. 

 

Also my, now passed, grandpa was a submissive according to my dad. Like the man had a dungeon in his condo. My dad shared this with me in a judgmental tone. L sigh.

 

Anyways the possibility of my mom finding me on fetlife almost caused me to abandon being who I am but I am so glad I didn't. Be yourself...even if it is more like your family than you would ideally like. 

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Does daddy make u feel special and unique? If so that's all that u need. Don't worry what anybody else us like. Be u.

 

If your relationship made u happy before u had lunch with your sister don't let it bother u. If not maybe u should end it. But at the end of the day u should do what's right for u

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