Jump to content

I'm lost and don't know what to do. I am hurting and reaching out for help.


IkumiKao
 Share

Recommended Posts

I really wasn't sure where to post this so sorry if its in the wrong place. is there some sort of support place here?, I dont have any close friends or anyone to talk to, I am switch i am little and for the last year dominantly as a Daddy,  I have very recently been through a crippling soul crushing break up. my little was my world and i forever gave her everything and my trust and love and everything. if you want to know to the extent im happy to talk to you about it if you are interested, human contact would be good for me right now. Basically even being this littles Daddy i still have my little side. for every day for the last year we would go to sleep together on Skype and be in constant contact, it was my security and where i felt safe. again you can ask me details if you feel the need but basically it was so serious that we were going to move in together and marry, she loved me i loved her. she was closer than family and the only place i felt at home. as did she, then out of nowhere she says she is leaving me for someone better and that i pushed her away. she had been seeing this guy for months, spending more time with him than with me. I still gave her structure and rules and protocols as a Daddy would with his little but i never forbid her to see people. I was not controlling i was a fair Daddy, we became better people. with stronger more solid morals that we felt were right for us, so much trust left with each other, and she threw it all away in a very very cruel painful way that i didnt deserve and she knew it. I was putting more into the relationship than she ever did. I dont understand how she could just forget about me and be happy away from me overnight, while she wouldnt have comunication with me if something was a problem. honestly i am struggling, and the fact that we shared such a bond with each other and she would throw it away just to fuck some guy the second she broke and left me. It is hard enough as a super emotional sensitive caring Daddy to deal with this and move on. But what i am terrified about is i dont know how to deal with this as a little. ive never had a caregiver so its not like im suffering seperation anxiety, although it really does feel like it, she in a sense still was a caregiver to me, but as a little i put my security in her, bound to fail i know, considering she is a little only and not a switch. but i am seriously scared and dont know how to deal with this. I am feeling crushed as a little and my needs as a little feel betrayed and broken. Ive never had to deal with this before and i dont know how, i dont know where to turn to or who to turn to or how. i need someone close in my life and i long for it. i am distraught and broken, I cant sleep i cant eat, the last meal i had was 4 days ago, i have not slept in 70 hours despite medication. The truth is i probably needed someone to look after me as a caregiver since i couldnt recieve what i needed from the love of my life. she is a selfish person who truely used me and learned that i come second and she came first, she didnt even take the time to work through our problems. she let it get toxic without me knowing and then blamed it all on me, probably as a justification to herself so she can try believe it wasnt her that fucked up and didnt do the right thing. I come to this community for friends for advice, to be apart of something. But i also come seeking help as i have no where else to turn to, I live in a small country where there is not as many people like me, atleast none that i know of. I know i need to be held and loved by someone as a mommy/daddy platonic or otherwise. but i guess this is a call for help, seeking guidance and comfort while i am alone and hurting as not just a Daddy but also a little. the more im left with these feelings the more i realise how much being a little was apart of me. I really dont have anyone in my life, I was blocked by my partner and anyone who knew about me. I dont have any friends in real life either, I am alone, i have family but they can only provide so much. and we have had a very rocky tough past and upbringing which to this day i need healing from, ive never felt accepted truely loved or accepted. going from someone who gave me everything to it all being a lie and meaning nothing, and then left without a soul in this world to understand me and give me what i need, i am terrified and alone. i dont know what to do.
Please help me. I dont know how to make friends, i dont know how to find someone who wants to help me or get to know me, how do you go about doing that. I take joy from nothing right now and i cant carry myself alone anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi mate. Wow that's a lot that you are going through. I notice nobody has replied yet. There is a lot to take in about your situation!

 

I'm sorry - this sounds like an incredibly hard time for you. Not only have you just gone through a very confusing relationship, you also sound quite socially isolated and scared and overwhelmed. The good news is you have reached out for help and it is that instinct that will get you through this. Well done. I'm proud of you. 

 

As you are no doubt aware having not slept for as long as you have will now be causing your brain to not think as well as when you are rested. That's not a bad thing about you - it would be the same for anyone. Your immediate priority is to take care of your physical wellbeing. You need to eat and sleep and if you can't at this point you need medical attention. You have good healthcare there like we do here. Get to a late night doctor or even your local ER if youve not eaten in 4 days and not slept for this long unless you can do so for yourself immediately.

 

One observation I have - to be honest, I feel that the daddy/little dynamic is only one thing to consider about the despair you are now feeling.

 

Reaching out is great and the internet can be a wonderful resource for you like hopefully this will be. But it will be important for you to have in-person support too. I understand this feels hard right now. A great first step would be to just talk to a trained person (they wont judge you) and let it all out. It will feel better after you do that. In New Zealand you can call Lifeline 24/7 on the following numbers: Within Auckland 09 5222 999 / Outside Auckland 0800 543 354. If you don't want to go to a doctor right now then please call them as the next best thing.

 

You are right that you cant carry yourself alone and deserve answers to the questions you have about friendship and so on. Please give those guys a call too and let them help to make things clearer for you.

 

You're reaching out and so long as you don't stop doing that you will get through this ok. That was a sad story to read. I'm sorry this is all happening to you right now.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It does get better. You have known love and you will know it again. You are not alone. It is hard to recognize that right now but it is all really true.

 

Find something that you like to do and do it. Seek professional help. More chances will come your way.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, it really does help knowing i have some validation and recognition of what i am going through / knowing there is support and people who care. Hearing someone is proud of me really helped, i have not heard that in such a long time and it is something i longed for.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also to anyone who has taken the time to read all of this, i know its alot and i appreciate you doing so. It makes me feel somewhat validated which i am much in need of currently

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really wasn't sure where to post this so sorry if its in the wrong place. is there some sort of support place here?, I dont have any close friends or anyone to talk to, I am switch i am little and for the last year dominantly as a Daddy, I have very recently been through a crippling soul crushing break up. my little was my world and i forever gave her everything and my trust and love and everything. if you want to know to the extent im happy to talk to you about it if you are interested, human contact would be good for me right now. Basically even being this littles Daddy i still have my little side. for every day for the last year we would go to sleep together on Skype and be in constant contact, it was my security and where i felt safe. again you can ask me details if you feel the need but basically it was so serious that we were going to move in together and marry, she loved me i loved her. she was closer than family and the only place i felt at home. as did she, then out of nowhere she says she is leaving me for someone better and that i pushed her away. she had been seeing this guy for months, spending more time with him than with me. I still gave her structure and rules and protocols as a Daddy would with his little but i never forbid her to see people. I was not controlling i was a fair Daddy, we became better people. with stronger more solid morals that we felt were right for us, so much trust left with each other, and she threw it all away in a very very cruel painful way that i didnt deserve and she knew it. I was putting more into the relationship than she ever did. I dont understand how she could just forget about me and be happy away from me overnight, while she wouldnt have comunication with me if something was a problem. honestly i am struggling, and the fact that we shared such a bond with each other and she would throw it away just to fuck some guy the second she broke and left me. It is hard enough as a super emotional sensitive caring Daddy to deal with this and move on. But what i am terrified about is i dont know how to deal with this as a little. ive never had a caregiver so its not like im suffering seperation anxiety, although it really does feel like it, she in a sense still was a caregiver to me, but as a little i put my security in her, bound to fail i know, considering she is a little only and not a switch. but i am seriously scared and dont know how to deal with this. I am feeling crushed as a little and my needs as a little feel betrayed and broken. Ive never had to deal with this before and i dont know how, i dont know where to turn to or who to turn to or how. i need someone close in my life and i long for it. i am distraught and broken, I cant sleep i cant eat, the last meal i had was 4 days ago, i have not slept in 70 hours despite medication. The truth is i probably needed someone to look after me as a caregiver since i couldnt recieve what i needed from the love of my life. she is a selfish person who truely used me and learned that i come second and she came first, she didnt even take the time to work through our problems. she let it get toxic without me knowing and then blamed it all on me, probably as a justification to herself so she can try believe it wasnt her that fucked up and didnt do the right thing. I come to this community for friends for advice, to be apart of something. But i also come seeking help as i have no where else to turn to, I live in a small country where there is not as many people like me, atleast none that i know of. I know i need to be held and loved by someone as a mommy/daddy platonic or otherwise. but i guess this is a call for help, seeking guidance and comfort while i am alone and hurting as not just a Daddy but also a little. the more im left with these feelings the more i realise how much being a little was apart of me. I really dont have anyone in my life, I was blocked by my partner and anyone who knew about me. I dont have any friends in real life either, I am alone, i have family but they can only provide so much. and we have had a very rocky tough past and upbringing which to this day i need healing from, ive never felt accepted truely loved or accepted. going from someone who gave me everything to it all being a lie and meaning nothing, and then left without a soul in this world to understand me and give me what i need, i am terrified and alone. i dont know what to do.

Please help me. I dont know how to make friends, i dont know how to find someone who wants to help me or get to know me, how do you go about doing that. I take joy from nothing right now and i cant carry myself alone anymore.

Anyone who commits fully to a dd/lg always takes a chance.. Time will heal all. Try to do something to take your mind off it. ANYTHING. I am struggling with the same thing right now. My lg is trying to make her vanilla marriage work but still messages me daily because he is now TRYING to be her dom. It ripped me to shreds also.. We were close enough we saw each other in person almost EVERY day. I try to keep my mind occupied, it doesnt always work, but you have to keep trying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jennyanydots

I'm the sort of person, like you, who doesn't form connections easily. For some people it's a choice, for others not a choice. Either way, it is important that you form connections with at least a few people and not only one. This puts you in danger of precisely what you are experiencing and it also puts a lot of pressure on that one person. Even if you do everything for that one person, meet all of their needs, they will feel a pressure to meet all of your needs. No matter how much someone loves you it is unlikely they will be able to completely understand all of your needs. Have friends too. Even if they are hard to find. Make an effort to get to know someone and pick them up when they are down and they will want to do the same for you. I know how impossible that can seem, especially if you have anxiety.

 

I usually advise littles to remember to take care of yourself the way Daddy would, because for now you have to be your own Caregiver. From what I've seen around here, wolfdaddy gives damn good advice and there are others in this forum who are a wealth of knowledge and understanding as well. When their words hit a chord with you, think of it as your Caregiver speaking to you. After all, whoever would love you and care for you would want the very best advice for you. Consider this a forum of friends and say what you need to say. It's a fairly safe place to speak your mind full of open minded and caring people. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah i realize that, it was something i was working on and trying to not be so dependent, which is why we had communication, or so i thought .... cant work anything out if there isnt communication.

I have found the support of this forum to be very present and as hard as everything is , its slowly chipping away at it and helping, even when i dont feel it, i can see all these people jumping in to help and i am very appreciative of it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Jennyanydots

Was not trying to be harsh at all. I have found myself in situations in the past where I become too isolated and have learned the hard way how unsafe that can be. Only wanted to pass on my knowledge in case it could be useful to someone.

 

I'm very glad this forum has been good to you :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey there IkumiKao,

 

I have only been here shortly, but I already found this to be my safe haven. Here I feel that I can truly express who I am and fell secure about it. Everyone is super supportive and uplifting  ^_^

 

I am sorry to hear that, but these things make us stronger! I went through a similar thing like this with my first Daddy, and the aftermath was the hardest part for me to handle. The little/daddy bond is like no other,  which makes losing the other hard, but have no fear for you will make friends here and I always like to think "without the rain, there would be no rainbows" so I do believe a better, stronger, more positive you will come from this!

 

If you ever need someone to vent/talk to, I am all ears :3

 

                                  -Shy

 

P.S Fluttershy *glitter*  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...