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This is going to be a lot of rambling but its the healing process i guess.


I guess I don't know where to start. I was in a relationship for 2 and 1/2 years with this girl I loved every minute. But see left me in May early June. For the reason "I don't know if i love you like a friend or like a partner" That hurt I told her everything, about me being in the BDSM stuff and the fine points like DD/lg. See always lead me on tho and i never got to express myself. There isn't enough words to describe. I was still on the fence about the BDSM stuff but now i know what i am, but i can't express it. But now she is getting married, I found out in October. It hurt me more because i was going to propose to her with a $4500 ring that i was going give her. But the guy she was dating only for 4 months got her. But I'm truly happy for her even tho she lead me on and hurt me because i really love her. God i can't believe I still do. But I'm trapped now with a lot of other problems in my life that i don't know why i get up besides my two best friends. I love both of them as my on blood. But my one friend in Japan we got really close before she when back. And it hurts a lot to we are very open with each other but I don't know how i can tell her, that part about me. My other friend knows that I'm into BDSM but nothing more, we have been friends for 6 years. I just don't know what to do. How to really like move on and like how to trust again. I'm trapped with a lot of things that I'm not able to think clearly anymore. Last year and some of this year isn't going well. I could go on and on but i don't want to waste peoples time if they can help other.


If you read this i want to thank you. 

If you have advice i want to thank you too.

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