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Is it hard to be a caregiver when you're busy?


Peach121

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Hi Mummies and Daddies and Caregivers.

I'm a little. My Daddy has been really busy recently. We have a long distance relationship, but it's solid, long term, and we have a biological child together. Usually we see each other every weekend or every other weekend for 3-4 days. Recently he's been really busy. I haven't seen him in nearly three weeks now and he's barely been talking to me. It takes hours for me to get a reply to any text message I send and the phone just rings and rings and never gets picked up. He doesn't even tell me his plans anymore... I usually only find out what he's been doing on my news feed on facebook :'(

I feel like he has no time for me, not even a few minutes. He's barely been saying he loves me... And the last time we saw each other physically I didn't feel very... "Attended to". As a result of the physical and emotional distance I've been a bit bratty. Lots of tears and saying I hate him. I know I shouldn't act like this, but he's the one person who's supposed to look after me and he's not. I don't feel like a princess anymore. I feel like that dolly that gets left in the bottom of the toy box and is only ever played with when he's too bored with the rest of his life. It's got me really down. I feel like there must be something wrong with me for not being able to keep his interest. I'm worried that with more distance over the next few weeks he's just going to find someone else... Or because there's no physical way for us to be intimate that he'll go find someone else to do it with.

 

Am I being crazy? Am I being too needy? Do you manage to make time for your littles when you're really busy? Is there something I can change to try to be a better little? Please help me.

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Sounds like you are having an issue besides him being busy. If he had time to post junk on Facebook, he has no excuse not to make time for you. He could make some time for you if he wanted. I understand being busy, but there's always time to be made for 'I love you's'
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No, you're not being crazy or too needy. Yes, daddies can get busy, but to be so busy that you barely speak, and don't see each other for weeks ... something is wrong there. You should have a serious talk with him about whether he still wants to be with you, because if he does, he needs to find more time with you than that.

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Every time I try to talk to him about it he makes me feel like it's my fault. He says that when we talk I'm being blunt and irritable and that's why he doesn't want to talk to me. I know I'm not dealing with all this in the best way possible - I am being moody and tetchy. But I just want him to look after me again. I feel so lonely
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He says that when we talk I'm being blunt and irritable and that's why he doesn't want to talk to me.

That's no excuse. If he really feels that way, that makes it even more important that you talk about this with him. Because it really sounds like the relationship is falling apart, and if he's not willing to help you fix it, it's not going to work out....

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That's how I feel, like it's all falling apart...

He's running in an election at the moment, on top of his regular job.

He just keeps saying that this is what he's been waiting for for ages and that the election is on now and I'll still be here in a few weeks when it's over so he needs to prioritise. He's said some pretty nasty stuff actually (without meaning to) and made me feel like I'm just not important compared to this. I feel like everything's falling to pieces and he won't even acknowledge it. He's just been saying this is how it's going to be for the next few weeks... But what if I'm not still here waiting in a few weeks time? He won't even listen to what I'm saying, I'm at a total loss. I don't even think there is a way to solve it with his attitude towards it. I just needed to vent really.

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In that case, perhaps you should give him until after the election. But if after the election, his new office is keeping him too busy to talk to you, then I don't think it's about him being busy -- I think it's about him putting everything else ahead of you. In that situation, you should definitely move on and find someone better.

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A bit late to this topic so I apologize if you already got the answers you're looking for.  I recently went through a similar situation with a little I had been with for 14 months.  She became distant and always said she was busy.  At first I chalked it up to her new job.  In the end it wasn't.  A few months prior to this we went through a rough patch and she started venting to another guy.  Well as it turns out she caught feelings for this guy.  So needless to say we parted ways.  So my advice to you is you need to get you and your daddy to sit down and talk and be sure not to be in little space during this time.  You as a little deserve to have as much attention from your daddy as possible.  I couldn't think of going a day with out talking to my little. 

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:( I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

 

From personal experience, when someone "stops" having time for you it makes me a little suspicious. In this day and age, there's really no excuse for not having time. There are cell phones, the ability to call, texting, email, instant messaging apps, facebook, skype, twitter, and very old school...myspace.

 

There's really no reason to be to busy to send a quick catch up. Even if it's just an I love you. Asking how your day was, etc.

 

The part where he says you're to blunt and irritable, what's that about? And saying "this is how it's going to be", not really conducive to communication about the relationship.

 

It really sounds like you need to talk asap. If his stance is that you'll still be there while he puts other things ahead of you, it makes it that much more important to talk to him about your feelings.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So. Update.

We had a couple of nights in a hotel to reconnect - it helped him but not me. Gradually he became a little less distant and started making more of an effort. We've been doing better and have seen each other a few times in the last few weeks, and I think the actual issue has been resolved now. But there's a lot of hurt to deal with. He's done things to upset me before but it's only this one time that it's actually caused what I think will be permanent damage. I've been toing and froing on whether to end the relationship or not, and I think he has too. But what I do know is that I love him, so for now we're going to see if we can fix things. We've made a relationship and mood chart that we fill out every day (or most days) and show each other. Marks out of 1-10 for disagree to agree, and the columns are things like "feeling loved", "feeling listened to" etc. it's certainly been helping with communication and things have been so much better...

But again I'm not sure if these wounds will leave a permanent scar :/

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Guest cookie_crumble_princess

Thank you for the update, I always wonder what happens in these situations and good news is always great to hear. It's fantastic to hear you're working on your relationship and sounds like you have both found an adequate way to express what you need when you need it. I hope that you can work it out or breakup while still coming to a sound and respectful ending. Braddy posted an excellent link for a book review on marriage through another post on the 5 love languages, I will link you to both. 

 

5 languages of love test - http://www.5lovelanguages.com 

Marriage boot camp - http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/marriage-boot-camp-how-to_b_4915108.html 

 

This is just my opinion and how I am reading what your wrote, but out of all the statements in your post you seem less confident on the actual issue being fully solved. I think that is why your hurt feelings remain, if that is the case you need to go back and think of what the real problem is to you. I won't presume to tell you what it is, but I doubt it was his being busy that needed to be addressed. Sometimes the hardest part of resolving a problem is removing all smoke screens and excuses, the muck, and getting down to the real problem at hand then keeping that as the main topic. If you find that your heart isn't satisfied with that the conclusion you came to previously, remember you can always go back and revisit a topic to recap or clarify its conclusion. Try to only do this at a less stressful time, don't bring it up when their is already high tension and you should be able to talk it out with a sound conclusion. Best of luck. I'm rooting for your happiness all the way. 

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Well. You're spot on really. The issue has been that I haven't been feeling loved enough. I'm very "needy" as I'm sure most littles are, and the fact that he's been so busy has meant that I haven't been getting the level of care I expect.

My court dates (regarding my biological daughter) are now gone and Election Day has passed. He's doing a count of votes today and will either come over tonight or tomorrow. We're having a night out tomorrow for his friends birthday and picking up my daughter on Sunday then going on holiday for a week.

Part of why I love DDlg is for that deeper connection and bond that we have, and I've felt so much hurt over not feeling that recently. We still feel like boyfriend and girlfriend... But not like Daddy and Peach. I'm hoping that now the stressful time has ended we can use the holiday as a chance to reconnect and reestablish that DDlg bond that we have.

It's certainly going to take some work, and honestly nobody ever knows what the future holds, but we both want to try, and for the time being that's enough to make me work at this. Thanks so much for your kind words and everyone's concern :) x

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It seems things are starting to look up for you. Just remember communication is key!!

That's what the chart is for - and so far it's really helped, so I'm hoping it continues to and things really do work out. I've been Daddys friend for 7 years now and we've been dating almost a year, so he's a very important part of my life

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