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Guest tinydrummer

i've had a lot going on the past few months that had been weighing me down so much and i just couldn't take it anymore. i started writing down my thoughts, which turned into poems that i've turned into songs that i'm really proud of. but... i'm horrible at actually sharing my work. i get so self-conscious and doubt my words and creations.

 

so, i'm going to push past that here. 

 

this is one of my first songs. if i ever record it i might add that to this thread. here's the lyrics. they're very personal and important to me, i've used these words and creations to survive for months now. but i don't want to keep it to myself. i want to share it, i want other people who might relate to my situation to be able to use it, too.

 

so here it is. working title is "let go."

 

It’s loudest when i lay awake at night

It whispers in my ear, i shake with fright

The hiss turns to a shout, a breaking sound

Just like how i scream when no one’s around

 

It’s creeping in, filling my bones

Sinking through skin till i let go

Of faith and trust

Right from the get go

 

I've lost count of how many times
my mind has told me that I'll never fly
no amount of lines will soften the cry
I deny that my soul is in danger each time
I put on a smile as I walk out the door
and adjust cheerful greetings, walking down the floor
down the hall till it's safe to tear down all the walls
I've built up just so no one can watch me fall

a numbness that hurts seeps into my bones
Perhaps if
i jump again the cold will go, I’m

verging on giving in to self destructive urges
the art of keeping a pretense of normalcy hurts
it's exhausting and useless cause it always shows
that I'm not fine and never was and then, I'm alone
with my thoughts and myself and my fears
and my demons sneak up on me with their teeth bared,

rearing and going for blood, and I let them
do their worst, and I'll pray to God above

maybe this time
it'll stop, maybe all this pain will end
but it’s too late, I’ve failed, there's blood on the floor
just like last time, again

 

No one else can hear my darkest thoughts

“Nobody would care if you gave up”

I’m terrified of the only one who hears me

Cause it heard and now it wants to destroy me

 

It’s creeping in, filling my bones

Sinking through skin till i let go

Of faith and trust

Right from the get go

 

hung up on the ringing in my ears that only I can hear
Cracking open icy skulls and watching screams hit empty air
soul aching for resolution, mind unable to see a solution
thoughts that scream fruitlessly at the poison
it took upon itself
calm is too far out of reach for you

and don't bother to believe in their truth

don't you see that it's not for you?

no light at the end of the tunnel
no matter how fast you run, I'll
be on your heels reminding you
of your insignificance

I'm falling down fast, but I can't afford to call out
to them for help cause I can't let them know
just how far I've gone to the edge of my fears
let them creep in the space where the dark draws near

despite the bright stance of hopeful tomorrow's
That’s preached by people who don't know your sorrows

the cost of hiding is no one is trying to find you
if nobody knows that you're dying

And I’m finding that lying

and saying i’m trying
And that I’m fine is just buying

me more time for dying

So I’m crying out to you again

 

It’s creeping in, filling my bones

Sinking through skin till i let go

Of faith and trust

In anything

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