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Getting Started?

Mr Man

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I don't usually post in forums to find solutions, because I'm very introverted - yes, even online. This time though, I've been unable to find anything on the matter anywhere online, so I'm going to have to post it myself.


Just to get started I'll tell you a bit about myself and then my current situation...


I'm 22, male and quite shy. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years and we have very different personalities. I'm very independent, requiring a lot of space, and although I have a lot going on emotionally, I rarely show it. I open up to people a bit more when I know them really well, but I still tend to keep my problems to myself and people consider me a closed book. People can see me as quite grumpy because of this, as well as my dry sense of humour. In actual fact though, I'm happy with life at the minute.


On the other hand, my girlfriend requires lots of attention. At times this can be suffocating for me as I do like to have my own space. That said, I can be very cuddly and romantic when I put the effort in, but I do struggle with this, and my introverted nature can make me feel very awkward when trying to give compliments or act this way.


I read up a lot about Myer-Briggs Type Indicators, you've probably heard of them. Anyway, using this, I lie somewhere between an INTJ and INTP, but more so an INTJ. My girlfriend is definitely an ENFP though. I looked and found lots of things on the relationship between these two types (ENFP and INTJ) and found that at first glance, the relationship seems very unlikely, however these two types are very compatible. I'm usually skeptical and quite stubborn about anything to do with psychology and the likes, but the things I read about the topic are very accurate. Here's a website showing the relationship, and it is virtually identical to mine: http://personalitycafe.com/intj-articles/10860-ideal-match-enfp-intj.html

Hopefully this will give a good indication of the sort of relationship we're in.


Anyway on to the point...


Recently, my girlfriend has discovered this whole DDlg culture, and has told me that it interests her and she wouldn't mind giving it a try. She said she's not a huge fan of the whole being treated like a child type thing, but rather like a princess. She likes this whole idea of being dominated and having laws set down, yet being provided for and treated to nice things. This is not a monetary thing or anything, we both have good jobs and can more than provide for ourselves, but she loves the idea of getting all the attention and being bought things and treated like a princess. This is where I really think I would struggle. I'm not the most creative of people when it comes to leisure and I'm quite easy going. I find it difficult to think of what to buy her for Christmasses and Birthdays, and make suggestions of what we should do or where we should go on days out and holidays etc., despite the fact that I know her like the back of my hand, and know what makes her tick. 


In the bed room, we have had past experiences of this i.e. I have tied her up and have been quite rough which she loves. However, the fact that I'm quite shy can be a barrier for this as I find it really difficult to get too involved without feeling awkward, or that I'm doing something wrong. Another thing this affects is when it comes to dirty talk. There have been multiple times where she has asked my to say something dirty during sex, but literally every time this has happened, I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. It's just a complete mind block and I just end up speechless and confused.


We're both interested in this whole scene. I'm just wondering if anyone knows how to make this thing work, or any advice on what you think we should do or how to start it off. Any experiences of similar situations where the 'daddy' has been quite introvert or shy, but has still managed to have this type of relationship? Or how to become more confident with this sort of thing? Just anything that will help me out, as I really want to make her happy, even though it's really going to take me out of my comfort zone.


Thanks  :)


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First things first, welcome to forum!!!


Your predicament is not unheard of at all. I think it will take time to get to where you both want to be, time and patience. You have to get comfortable being in charge and get used to the new role. It is rare for someone to just jump into the dynamic knowing exactly what to do.


To start off, I think it's always easier to talk it out, write out. What exactly are both of you looking to get out of the new dynamic,what can the two of you each do for each other. It sounds like she pretty much knows what she wants, so that is a great start!!! 


Just really try to ease your way into this, explain to her that you are trying but you need to take it slow. There is going to be a learning curve for awhile, while the two of you figure out exactly what works for you. Kudos to you for putting yourself out there and really trying this out for her!!


And a little side note, Amazon has wish lists, maybe she could make some wish lists that you could look over, you don't necessarily have to get her those things but you could get inspiration from it! Also I think any relationship, regardless of Personality Types can work out. It's all about the effort and love the two of you put in.


Best of luck!!!

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Hi - fellow INTJ/INTP here, although I am the lg and very new at this as well, so I can only speak from the common place of knowing how much and ENFP can, well, exhaust you.


If I could suggest - there are some pretty neat blogs on Tumblr that have some ideas, which you could share with your girlfriend to see what appeals.  You are not alone in feeling awkward - and I understand that this comes from a place of perfectionism and wanting to please her - admirable but sometimes paralyzing!!  My bf (ISTJ) and I are currently using Tumblr as a way of exchanging ideas - I will show him something I like and he can incorporate it.  You can do this privately using the message function, or post it publicly - your choice.


Your princess wants to be adored and I know the feeling -- I want a few little texts all day showing me he's thinking of me, can be as simple as "xo" or "<3" and doesn't have to be a long drawn out affair.  I think your ENFP would love that, but ask her!  I also love the idea of the Amazon wish list - I am going to use that!


Best of luck!

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Guest LavanderRabbit

As a little with the INTJ personality, I can't really relate to this, She doesn't sound so much as a little, there is a possibility she is a Middle or a Brat. Either way, there will need to be some work done so you may both be comfortable in the dynamic you choose.


I know someone with an ENFP personality and she just wants to be showered in attention 24/7. Personally the idea makes me sick. Just remember to set boundaries for yourself so you are comfortable as well. There will need to be a lot of talk of what you would like to do with one another. Don't be scared to explore the forum for tips, possibly have her look and do some research as well. Nothing is easy at first, but you'll find what makes you comfortable.

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