A frustrated dom vents

[WickedJax]

It's been a year and  a half since I felt what it was like to even hold anyone, and even though I've tried LDR nothing ever sticks, and I'm starting to think this relationship I'm in is no different. 

 

Okay, first of all my little is completely neglectful to our relationship. I understand she has a busy schedule, I understand that she's tired all the time, and I'm here for her. I'm her to discipline her, care for her, and most of all show her that she is owned and loved. HOWEVER, it's frustrating waiting around for hours on end for a single reply, now it's been more then a twenty four hours since her last message. Look, she's an amazing little, kind, obedient, loving, perfect in so many ways, and she's active, it's so attractive, but DAMN can I get ANY attention? EVEN A GOOD MORNING? Oh, and I would love to sit down and have a conversation with her about this, I would LOVE to talk this out like a couple and decide where we should go from here, and I absolutely would but it's not possible when she takes so long to reply that she forgets what we were talking about, let alone when she just doesn't reply at all. 

 

Now, it's been over a year and a half since I felt anyone. I don't even mean sexually, I mean just hugged someone, held them, you know? Being with a little, even talking to a sweet little girl relieves stress. Just being in the same room give me this feeling of just... Goodness. It makes me happy, you know? It's relaxing, and as someone who is notoriously strung out, this past year has only been a stressful hell. 

 

I love to cuddle, I love to come up behind my girl and be a big tickle monster, I love to be her master, her owner, and her daddy. I love to take her up in my arms and kiss her all over her little face while she giggles her cute little head off. I love spend my days in bed just playing, touching, enjoying each other. These are the things that take the tight knot in my shoulders, in my chest, and unties them, lets them loose to breath, lets me relax and just feel good. 

 

I haven't honestly felt that way in a long time, and it's terrible. 

 

I'm sorry if I bummed anyone out, I hope you all have a great day/

[SweetMarie]

Sorry you feel so lonely, WickedJax. What you wrote is beautifully touching though Hope you find what you're looking for soon.

[Princess-P]

It doesn't sound as though your being treated fairly, everyone has time for a text or call. We check our phones like 500 times a day. Its sounds like she's only in it when its convenient to her, her down time rather than her day to day.

 

Regardless of life and busy schedules and being tired... We make time for those who matter. I've never done the long distance thing but I know what its like to be exhausted. I work 12 hour shifts on top of being a mom and running a house and my daddy works 12-14 hours a day. We still make time before we both pass out. Its hard but you do it.

 

If she's not even responding long enough to have a conversation send her a text that directly says you need to talk about your relationship and ask her to set some time for you to call. Calling is much better than a text because there's no waiting for a response. If she's unwilling to make time for that conversation then that will show you where your relationship is on her priority list.

 

Good luck, and don't settle. Be happy.

[Guest ♥ Lee ♥]

I can relate to this a lot. I very recently just got of a relationship like that. I had to break it off and it was the hardest thing ever. I still miss him everyday but he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I don't have any advice for you unfortunately but I can say I know what you're going through and how hard it is. 

[Guest AmberDoll]

The way that you put it, it's already obvious what you should do you should text her this tell her what you need if she doesn't want to work it out then let her go and find someone who will be there for you LDR or not if she really loved you she would make time for you as with any romantic other. you need to take time for yourself and realize that you also can't just depend on someone to help you relax you need to find time for yourself go out with your guy friends have some drinks watch a movie figure it out and don't worry so much you will have contact again with a little but you need to work on this first once you fix the relationship that your currently in then you will feel ten times better, and as I always says don't worry everything works out in time live your life you only get one so enjoy it. I hope you have a good day. 

[Richie]

In long distance and even regular relationships, communication is key. We are on our phones from the moment we wake up. It shouldn't be hard to even send a reply. I do understand Jax because I been there before. The best thing you can do is talk it and see where it goes from there man.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Hey Wicked. As a DD in an online LDR, my FIRST rule is "Baby must always say good morning and goodnight".

You should consider at least talking to other littles, theres lots of girls out that that want strucure, guidence, and disclipine.

As a Dom, you have to keep the power, dont let her have it, not for a second.

You,as a Dom, make sure you get what you need first, and you will be able to take care of your little much better that way. Be true to yourself, and you can be a better Daddy.

[Princess-P]

I have to disagree with sugarbear... Submissive always have the power. We give our submission and we take it away. Unless you both agree on a complete and total power exchange then both parties must discuss all aspects of your relationship.

 

Being a Dom doesn't mean you just rule everything. You have to do what's in the best interest for you both, not at the cost of one person being miserable. If your really unhappy of course you make the best decision for you but make sure you talk to her first to let her know how you feel.

[Guest algernon]

As a Dom, you have to keep the power, dont let her have it, not for a second.

You,as a Dom, make sure you get what you need first, and you will be able to take care of your little much better that way.

Slow down there, SugarBear. Princess-P is right. The first rule of anything BDSM-esque is "No means no". The sub *always* has *all* the power - any power or control held by the Dom is only ever given, even when it is "taken". This applies particularly with ddlg, as there is often a level of submission at almost the master/mistress//slave level, and a "Daddy Dom" is first and foremost a caregiver, nourishing more than dominating (otherwise one is just a Dom who likes ageplay, which is fine, but not relevant here). In any case, a caregiver role means you don't come first, anyway. The little's needs (which may not equal their wants) come first.

 

That being said, everyone deserves to be respected and loved, especially by their partners. I'm sorry for what you've gone though, Jax. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best.

Edited July 31, 2016 by algernon

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Edited June 2, 2016 by SugarBear

[WickedJax]

Thanks for all the replies guys.

 

Any Dom/sub relationship is a consensual exchange of power, and in my eyes there is no one with more power in an honest BDSM relationship. A little has to trust me to take care of him or her, and trust that I will know their limits, and I have to trust a little to use his or her colors, express themselves, and give me everything I need to better take care of them. 

 

Thing is, these relationships aren't just Dom/sub.They're boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives too. They're the relationships everyone else has, just with a special layer; and as I'm sure we all know, in any relationship, and no matter who you are in that relationship, we all want the attention of our partners.

[Dragon Child]

I'm so sorry things aren't working out, including myself. I think you should talk to her, needs are important and if they aren't met i think ya should find someone who can meet them

[Guest algernon]

 Thing is, these relationships aren't just Dom/sub.They're boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives too. They're the relationships everyone else has, just with a special layer; and as I'm sure we all know, in any relationship, and no matter who you are in that relationship, we all want the attention of our partners.

As one whose "regular" and "ddlg" lives are compartmentalized when it comes to serious romantic relationships, I can only imagine the additional complexity that comes from, say, being married to one's caregiver or little. For any who manage to make that work, good for you! I am impressed.

[Ronin8510]

Yeah Princess-P pretty much said exactly what I was gonna say in both her posts. Your sub doesn't have the time of day for you it is time to thinking about a change

[Guest Lightskin_Dom]

Holy hell man. I had to check the posters name 3 times to make sure it wasnt me cause this sounds just like my last ddlg relationship. Honestly brother, what you need to do is get her on the phone when you know she's not super busy, and you need to say "look (insert name here), I love you do much, you know I do, but things need to change for the better because I'm scared I'm going to lose you" and tell her why and what needs to change, even if it's just those good morning goodnight texts and an afternoon check in. Also, stay strong and don't give up. If you start to give up, she'll give up.

[Guest NeedToServe]

Genuine questions, why on earth are you with her? And why are you in an LDR in the first place?

Yes I'm sure she is obedient and all that other stuff, when she can be bothered, but is that really all you want? Obviously not.

A GOOD relationship could also involve those very few positive things you managed to scrape together. Sorry to sound harsh, but you are clearly settling for second best, and you are miserable. Move on.

[GlitterUnicorn]

Okay I know exactly what it feels like. You're stuck. The obvious rational answer is to leave her. But you obviously can't because you care too much about her. For a second, factor out the BDSM. Just consider it a vanilla relationship. Would you be satisfied with one text a day? I'm guessing no. I think a good morning and a simple good night is something that can light you up and if she can't even manage that something is clearly wrong. I won't suggest something rash like leaving her. On a day she's free and can't run off, sit her down. Have a proper conversation about your relationship. There probably is her side to it too. And also, before you do this, you should probably work out whay exactly you want and expect out of the relationship so you can tell her exactly what you feel. I think there may be hope. If she still continues behaving that way, you'll automatically know what to do without anyone having to tell you. Take care and I hope things work out for you guys.

[Moonbowed]

We always have time for the things that we care about the most.

There are exceptions to this rule-- family emergencies, depression, and anxiety can make people lose their priorities.

 

However, from what you said, WickedJax, your lg isn't reciprocating your energy and effort. That's not fair to you. And honestly, it flies in the face of the whole dynamic. Ddlg relationships can only work when both parties put each other first-- otherwise someone burns out.

 

If things don't improve you might want to consider clearing up space in your life, so when the right lg comes along, you'll be ready.

 

GL <3

[Guest LazyPerfectionist92]

Sorry you're having a rough time with this, WickedJax. I don't want to be too pessimistic but I have just left a long term relationship with an amazing guy because of similar reasons (amicable break up and both still friends). We were slowly drifting apart and it started much in the same way; we both got bogged down with work and other things and it became a chore to do anything together because we were always so tired. Having these feelings of isolation (bear with me because that might not be the right word) in a relationship is never a good sign but it does not always mean it's an omen or the end! You've already got some great advice from people on here but of course, without knowing yourself or your partner personally, it would be difficult for any of us to give you really spot on advice. May I ask how much of a distance there is between you both? I only ask because if you're close enough maybe meet halfway regularly, like once a month or so. You could have a  regular hotel that you go to, somewhere fairly nice that you can spend the weekend just devoted to each other. A rule for this would be to leave work and other things at home, so you can fully appreciate each other during this time. It would give you the fulfillment you seek and it sounds like it would give her a much needed break from her busy life! I'd also think about maybe showing her this thread. What you've said, although not sugar-coated, is well written and to the point and I can tell you with a certainty that if I were in her place, I would want to know if my actions (or rather inactions) were causing my partner this much pain and frustration. 

Hope you manage to get this sorted soon!

Sorry for the long post - I have no potatoes to offer o_O

[TallNerd]

It's been a year and  a half since I felt what it was like to even hold anyone, and even though I've tried LDR nothing ever sticks, and I'm starting to think this relationship I'm in is no different. 

 

Okay, first of all my little is completely neglectful to our relationship. I understand she has a busy schedule, I understand that she's tired all the time, and I'm here for her. I'm her to discipline her, care for her, and most of all show her that she is owned and loved. HOWEVER, it's frustrating waiting around for hours on end for a single reply, now it's been more then a twenty four hours since her last message. Look, she's an amazing little, kind, obedient, loving, perfect in so many ways, and she's active, it's so attractive, but DAMN can I get ANY attention? EVEN A GOOD MORNING? Oh, and I would love to sit down and have a conversation with her about this, I would LOVE to talk this out like a couple and decide where we should go from here, and I absolutely would but it's not possible when she takes so long to reply that she forgets what we were talking about, let alone when she just doesn't reply at all. 

 

Now, it's been over a year and a half since I felt anyone. I don't even mean sexually, I mean just hugged someone, held them, you know? Being with a little, even talking to a sweet little girl relieves stress. Just being in the same room give me this feeling of just... Goodness. It makes me happy, you know? It's relaxing, and as someone who is notoriously strung out, this past year has only been a stressful hell. 

 

I love to cuddle, I love to come up behind my girl and be a big tickle monster, I love to be her master, her owner, and her daddy. I love to take her up in my arms and kiss her all over her little face while she giggles her cute little head off. I love spend my days in bed just playing, touching, enjoying each other. These are the things that take the tight knot in my shoulders, in my chest, and unties them, lets them loose to breath, lets me relax and just feel good. 

 

I haven't honestly felt that way in a long time, and it's terrible. 

 

I'm sorry if I bummed anyone out, I hope you all have a great day/

Try dating in person. Look I've seen this happen before and I'm not saying this is the case, but it might be.

 

Girl is going through hard time in life, latched on to guy online, feels confident

 

Recovers from hardship, gets busy, attracts guys in person, dates one

 

Online dom gets less and less texts until poof, nothing. Now this is why I don't like talking to girls online that are not local. Ideally I like to meet girls in person but if I do go online, only local. Because ya never know.

[b4by.jpg]

I think she's neglecting you as a Daddy.

 

I love my Daddy lots, and I am guilty of rarely ignoring a text or not taking a call - I do try to text back at a more suitable time. It's worrying for a CG to know nothing about their Little's day. I think a Little should also beam up to her CG and show the same level of interest and concern for how YOUR day went. It's a two-way street, just done in a DD/LG way.

 

I ask cute and silly questions about his day - but also the same caring and concerned ones. I truly want to know what happens to my Daddy during the day, so I can be the best little possible and help Daddy feel like himself. If Daddy has a bad day, I offer to have a bath and wash his hair for him and snuggle up. Maybe make us both some hot chocolates? Or help with any issues he might be facing. Busy schedule? Find out what I am able to do to make it less busy - and less stressful.

I often organize grooming for our pets - or answer calls/wait home for post/do grocery shopping. Whatever Daddy needs help with and I feel capable of - I'll do. Even if that just means waiting around without bothering him if he needs to work late.

 

 

Little One's can neglect their CG too, and you need to voice this! Your feelings are just as important, just because you're the CG doesn't mean you can't also be cared for in return. Talk to her about it and see if you two can work on things!

[stargirl]

Holy hell man. I had to check the posters name 3 times to make sure it wasnt me cause this sounds just like my last ddlg relationship. Honestly brother, what you need to do is get her on the phone when you know she's not super busy, and you need to say "look (insert name here), I love you do much, you know I do, but things need to change for the better because I'm scared I'm going to lose you" and tell her why and what needs to change, even if it's just those good morning goodnight texts and an afternoon check in. Also, stay strong and don't give up. If you start to give up, she'll give up.

 

I think this is good. Just tell her how you feel and be prepared to move on if she's not willing to concede to your most important wants.

[Guest Prat]

I just left a relationship like that after trying my hardest for a couple years. I feel like I failed her, I feel used, I'm not sure she was ever even an actual little or if it was all a game to her.. I don't know what to think, I'll take some time to myself to process the entire experience and not make the same mistake of rushing into a relationship like I did with this one.