I've been outted as a little to my family..

[Guest ~MissKittyWhiskers~]

Hello there! So yesterday a lot of stuff happened and I really don't know how to feel or what to do. Basically I'm at odds ends with this. 

 

I woke up yesterday like any other day, and everything was fine. My onesie from little for big finally came in, which was exciting and awesome. But it all hit the fan around the early evening time. 

 

I am not open with any of my family about my ddlg/abdl/age regression lifestyle, and any of my other kinks. My family is very close minded, and highly judgemental. They're the type of people who will say anything they want to you, and they don't care how you react or feel.

 

That being said, I was on instagram, and I had posted some new content about my onesie, and what not, and all of a sudden my mother calls me. I was a little taken aback, since she rarely calls me, unless its something important, but what she said after she said hello shook me to my very core.

 

She had found out through my brother that I am a little, and that she wanted to know what this "onesie, and I wuvvs my daddy so much" shit was all about. I immediately panicked and didn't know what to say or do. Apparently my brother had somehow found my ddlg instagram, and saw my posts and everything. Which is strange since I don't have anyone added on there that knows me in real life, except for a family friend, and a friend from college who doesn't even know my family. So I figured that since I was friends with our family friend, that my brother had found me through her friends list, or I was suggested to him, because he follows her.

 

Long story short, I told her the truth, and explained about my lifestyle, and what it was all about. She literally screamed at me on the phone, and told me that out of everything I do that she doesn't say anything about, this is too far. I literally was not rude or disrespectful to her in any way, but she went off on me, and swore up and down, and compared me to a prostitute. The list goes on and on. 

 

I also sent her several links about ddlg, and age regression, and I told her that this wasn't sexual for me at all. I really tried to help her understand what I am into, and what it's all about. I do have certain kinks and I am into bdsm, but ddlg and age regression are mostly coping mechanisms to help me with my mental health issues, and my anxiety disorder. Again, I also told her that I was aware of my safety, since she was worried about this, and me, and said she felt this was unsafe, especially since I told her that daddy was probably coming up in a few weeks time to visit. What she doesn't understand though, is that I don't go ahead and do things like this, unless I look at every possible outcome, look things up and make sure they are safe.

 

I know I am an adult, and I know she has no control over me, and what not, but she literally said that this daddy, and little shit needs to end. She also threatened me that if my daddy steps anywhere in our city, that she will find him, and she won't care if she goes to jail or not. I told daddy this, and he said not to take it seriously, since she's probably just bluffing, but it's not okay for her to threaten someone she has never met or gotten to know.

 

I'm just very emotionally drained right now, and I don't know what to do. She promised me that she wouldn't say anything to anyone else in our family, but her track record says otherwise. 

 

I'm sorry this is so long, but I really wanted to get my thoughts out, and see what others had to say about this. I'm very scared right now for myself and daddy, and I just want everything to work out and be okay. 

[Guest starrykitty]

hey, you can pm me if you wanna talk moreabout this, i dont mind, i here for youuuuu. im sorrythis happened though >.<

[Daddy's Meg]

I wish I had some amazing advice to make this all better. Since I don't, I can only offer my hugs and positive vibes from afar. I'm so sorry her reaction was so bad. Here's hoping she can eventually just lock this up as something you two just don't talk about and move on.

 

Best wishes and keep your chin up. Your lifestyle is valid and it's your right as an adult!

[Guest ~MissKittyWhiskers~]

I wish I had some amazing advice to make this all better. Since I don't, I can only offer my hugs and positive vibes from afar. I'm so sorry her reaction was so bad. Here's hoping she can eventually just lock this up as something you two just don't talk about and move on.

 

Best wishes and keep your chin up. Your lifestyle is valid and it's your right as an adult!

 

That's what I would like to do, but who knows whats going to happen because of this.. Thank you so much for being so kind and understanding.. And yeah you're right. I'm going to keep being the person I know I am and I'm going to be even more little xD 

[daddies_velvet_kitty]

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. I don't have a lot of advice I can give you but what I can try to give you some tips if she ever brings this up to you again. I have not told my parents and I feel like they would also react the same way. So if something like this ever happened I would probably explain it like this.

 

The core of our relationship is the same as every relationship. Care, trust, and communication. My boyfriend is here to take care of me, help me achieve my goals, make sure that I am happy and healthy, and I do the same for him. I've always had a childlike personality, these are just my interests. I enjoy disney and coloring the same way people enjoy crime shows and football. They are simply hobbies of mine. I'm in a community where people are like me to find partners who accept people like me. 

 

That is at least how I would explain it my family, focusing on the dynamic of ddlg and why it's a healthy relationship. But if she keeps on asking about the more kink side of things like calling him daddy or being little or rules etc etc, I would have to say that this is what I am into, this is what makes me happy, age regression helps me cope with my anxiety and its who I am. If you have any questions you can ask me about them, but only if you are wiling to have an open mind.

 

If my parents ever found out I would be very uncomfortable so I can empathize with what you are going through. Be strong and be as polite as you can be. But if nothing is working remind her that you are an adult, you can make adult decisions and this is what makes you happy. Sometimes people can't accept you and it sucks when it's your own family but sometimes you might have to distance yourself from them for your own health and happiness. I hope this helped, feel free to pm me if needed   

[Sparklefrosting]

It's really unfortunate when people have to act like this especially when it's family. My mother, when she suspected I was bisexual, told me that it's a disgusting perversion and if I ever admitted to it she would never speak to me again. 

I realized that having a relationship with people like my mother that are controlling and hurtful just isn't worth it. I have casual conversation with her and if it gets abusive I give myself some space and time away from her. Gradually our relationship has gotten better.

It's important that you stand your ground and allow yourself to take as much control of the relationship as you need to. It's not okay for her to talk to you the way she has, especially making threats towards someone you care about. 

[gah!ghost]

I've had this open in a tab for a while trying to come up with something to say. I tried writing a bunch of things but I can't really come up with anything to advise. Situation sucks and I feel for you and wish you the best. Maybe just know that you will always find people to love and accept you.

 

edit: I think that's some good advice from Sparklefrosting. 

Edited January 26, 2017 by gah!ghost

[MisterMomo]

Oh! ... Sorry you did not tell family on your own Agenda ! ....  and sorry for how your mother reacted. 

 

I'm not good with advices about that. I can give you Hugs too ! ..

 

My guess is that many advices are out there about coping with "coming out", maybe more for homosexuality. Maybe you can read these and see how you can relate to the content ... It is in a way similar with the idea of exposing a lifestyle and being judged for it ...   ? ...  that's an idea ..  a place where there's been research done and tools offered. 

 

My lifestyle is not a big secret and my parents bought me Stuffies for christmas.. They all know I spend time at Disney and they say it is not Age appropriated but that ends there...  I wish for you that your family relax and take time to get a better understanding of this. Afterall, you can date someone online and call him daddy if you want.. your mother should not have a lot to say in this. 

 

Talk to you soon and maybe we'll watch a good movie soon ...  I falled asleep yesterday but we'll make it next time! hehe   

[Princess-P]

I would give up on the idea that you can explain it to her. Just tell her its none of her business when she brings it up again. Which she more than likely will. Also be prepared for her to tell other people. And also be prepared to tell them its none of their business.

 

I know you were trying to comfort and calm her by sending links but to be honest, once people are closed minded about something you can't get them to understand. Because they don't want to. She will also probably never accept it or your Daddy. Even if you never mentioned. It again any mam you bring around she will more than likely judge.

 

Its sounds negative, and that's because it is.unfortunately people are judge mental. But you have to have tough skin and just realize her opinion doesn't matter and there isn't shit she can do to change who you are. She can be a good mom and have your back or she can be shitty. Neither of those things reflect on you, just her. Just back off and let her decide what kind of person she wants to be.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I am so sorry this happened, but I agree that I don't think you can explain it to her. She seems not accepting in the least. She has no right to threaten anyone, period. She is your family and your mother most of all... you have to decide for yourself if you're willing to sacrifice your happiness for her... frankly, my mother is my best friend and I wouldn't be willing to.

 

At the end of the day, it's your life. If your Daddy isn't worried about it... you shouldn't be either. I know that's hard, but what's she going to do to him, and how will she know it's him? In the meantime... maybe stop posting on instagram if there isn't a way to make it more secure.

[Guest Kittehmuffin]

This is a tough one...ultimately it comes down to your Mum accepting who you are, not that you have to change for anyone. I'm hope it all works out for you x

[BruceDaLittle]

I wish you the best judgemental family members suck (hugs) hopefully she will get over herself and keep her word.

[arineunha]

i think the damage is done and hopefully, she becomes more accepting of it later on. I know i had a fight with my mom over how i dated this one guy, i told her something to calm her down..it was that i could balance everything. she then was nice to me again and our relationship was repaired-my mom and I are close

 

it's little words like that. you could tell her that it's part of who you are and your interests. tell her that you want her to understand you and give her some time to cool down.

 

 

 if she still doesn't understand, then you should just try to not bring it up in conversations and keep that part of yourself separate from family matter and discussions.

Edited January 27, 2017 by arineunha

[Mikaitaku]

your mom seems to genuinely care about you so you have that, I'd give it a bit of time for everything you told her to sink in. It might be a good idea to invite your mom out somewhere when your daddy visits and talk it out face to face, it might help. 

[Guest Littlepup]

you poor thing i would be crying my face off all day if this happened oh yes

 

i can def see that your family is the judgmental type from this reaction

 

princess P is right though, it is none of her business. you are free to tell her "what i do in the privacy of my home is nobody elses business"

you might even try to bring them down a level saying "how would you feel if I told everyone about all the possibly weird or private things you do?"

you are not hurting anyone. you are doing what is good for you. your mother either cares more about your image than your health and happiness, or she has a huge mental block against adult baby behavior. 

 

it may get better in time.. but only you know your family the best

it may wear off in a similar way that coming out to a family about anything they think is morally wrong would happen 

[Bunniegural]

there is this patriarchal message out there that until a young woman is married off, her sexuality belongs to her family, and it is her family's job to protect her from sexualisation and from finding her sexuality. as a young lady you've now got the unfortunate job of proving to your parents that you own your own sexuality and no one else. i am so sorry. this is an exhausting job. because of this internalised patriarchal ideal, your mom thinks she's failed at her job of keeping you pure. she won't see letting you make decisions about your sexuality as empowering. my advice is to try to let go of what she and the rest of your family think as quickly and as much as you can. it's not an easy ride. i'm almost a decade older than you and i'm still dealing with this shit. Stay strong honey.

[DaddysMonkey]

Hello !

 

Firstly , I think you should listen to your Daddy. I know it is hard when you feel distressed about something , but what he says is true. My mother has made a lot of empty threats , and not so empty threats in my life.. The thing is though.. If you are of legal age and so is your Daddy there is nothing she can legally do you or him. I would avoid any situations that would stir up drama like having him over to your place right away. Meet in other public places , or wherever he is staying. I personally , would not advice having them meet quite yet. You are meeting him for the first time yourself and it would make you feel pretty silly if all this fuss was over someone you end up not being with. Let alone I doubt the fact she will cool off in time to meet him with the things she said to you. If SHE acts like she is going to do something... it would be pretty ridiculous. She most likely doesn't know what he looks like , where he would be staying , and I highly doubt she would be able to hurt him without a weapon , in which case she will be the one sitting in a jail cell. She says she doesn't care if she goes , then let her go. I agree that it is empty threats to scare you and they seem to be working.. and that is what she wants. Be better , and raise your head higher than that. 

 

Yes , you may or may not be with him for an extended period so avoiding a meeting would be ideal. On the other hand , your life style will not go away. I think if you keep a level head and explain things to her , and she decides not to listen to you then it is not a conversation she is ready for. She is probably very concerned about your image , family image , being ashamed , what people will think of her as a other. None of her feelings are vindictive or hurtful but how she is choosing to display her opinion and feelings are very much that.. hurtful.  If you are able to , my biggest suggestion is moving out. If being threatened , berated for your choices or lifestyle isn't something that is going to end and you are an adult then I think you should move out. For your health , mentally and physically. Who knows , perhaps you would be able to move out with your Daddy at some point after knowing him , and meeting him much longer. 

 

There is no simple fix , but in time things will pan out. You cannot make people understand or accept , but that is where tolerance comes in.. maybe seding her  definition of that word or explaining it to her might be useful.

 

Hope this helps.

Edited January 31, 2017 by Daddysmonkey