Guest Candy Minx ♡ Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 (edited) warning - what i'm saying here is in general terms, i know there are special situations for special times. yes, i know all relationships are different, etcetcetc. i've been thinking about this for an awfully long time, months and months, i've spoken about the topic to my Daddy multiple times, never decided to bring it up here until now. i've seen it MANY times, mostly on here, but on tumblr and every other website that has a trace of a cgl/ community, i'm sure there are others out there who have noticed it, too. well, at least some of it. 1.) littles who want a caregiver for mental health reasons. this one i've seen all too often, littles who want a caregiver so that said cg can take care of their mental health. wait. before you get offended, i don't mean littles who want a cg to remind them to take their medicine, encourage them on a healthy path, to get better for, who wants the encouragement to seek help or continue treatments. this goes for multiple mental illnesses, depression bipolar l & ll, anxiety of any type, eating disorders, addictions, etc. with me, there's a big difference between wanting those things but doing it for yourself and being able to do it WITHOUT a caregiver vs someone wanting these things to refuse to grow up and learn how to take care of themselves. so, generally when i see someone asking for a caregiver just for these needs - it strikes me as dangerous mentally and emotionally to BOTH parties as well as a level of immaturity with said little. we should be able to take care of ourselves without relying on your partner to take care of you in that sense. what if the little and caregiver split up? what would that little do now that the person who was being the adult for her is no longer there and they don't know how to be an adult themselves? that's why it strikes me as dangerous. going down the path of a mental illness being untreated and unacknowledged can be an excruciating experience no one should have to go through. so, is it okay for a little to depend and take care of themselves solely because they are now in a relationship? i've seen people console and tell others it's okay to be this type of little and it's worrisome that someone could support turning into that without being able to have their dynamic. that being said, it doesn't seem like the cg and little would be equals with one another. which, a large majority of the littles i see like this are very young, seems as if on some level it stunts that developing time where they're blossoming into adults and breaking away from their parents, starting life out as an adult. that, in my honest opinion, is something everyone needs. that period to become an adult and learn to care for themselves. 2.) littles who use being little as a coping method. this is something i've only ever been able to see written about in the forums, so, how i see may not be the way things truly are. feel free to correct me. from what i see, there are more than half of the littles around here who go into their 'little space' to cope with their issues. does this mean it's something it's done to avoid the issue? the way most explain it is that, when life throws adult level things at them, they instead go to little space to avoid having to deal with it. and i've seen my fair share of people who decide not to address the issue at all. isn't this something to be seen as also dangerous? it sounds, to me, more like an excuse to not have to deal with things they don't want to. popping into that space and refusing to come out almost sounds frustrating to have to deal with. then again, this is something i also have seemed to find in the younger little crowd, generally 18/19/20/21 year old. to me? it sounds unhealthy and yet more avoidance in adult life. i mean it's a coping skill but it is a safe or healthy one? i'm sure there are people who use it healthier, such as after a long, stressful day at work you come home, cuddle up with your cg, a movie, and a juice box and you're in little space. you're destressing, you're dealing with adult issues in a little space mindset, and it's healthy. i'd like to hear about the littles who use it as a coping method in any sort of way though, for a better understanding. 3.) littles who treat the dynamic as if 'you have to be this tall to ride this ride'. i've seen more than my fair share of littles, very new and very freshly 18/19/20, who have claimed to just find the life but manage to quickly start a relationship, having a cg who is usually roughly the same age ( be upset or offended with me but most of the issues i see are with this crowd and i'm not afraid to address that as a big issue either. ) but, there are suddenly hundreds of problems now that you're in a dd/lg relationship. ' i see daddies do this, i want my daddy to do that, why doesn't my daddy do this,' etcetc. this falls into misunderstanding and misinformation. it seems a lot of people want their caregiver to fall into a cookie-cutter caregiver that's suppose to be 100% perfect, take care of you always, and never mess up. and that any daddy that doesn't fit their standards is considered a fake caregiver and end up insulted. i've seen a lot of insults flung at daddies here who don't do something 100% the way the little likes. or them being upset because it's not the cg/l they saw with other couples or from movies/tvs/comics/fanficts/etc. it just doesn't seem healthy to me for someone to form their relationship on something else they saw - and have that something else be uncomfortable for one or more in the ship. at the end of the day, some of these questions basically translate into "why isn't daddy like the rest" or "how do i be a little". there's no 100% surefire way to be a little. or a daddy. i know some of you can claim that they're asking because they're new but if they're already participating in a relationship, it should be known by both parties what's up. know what you're doing before you engage. 4.) communicating this one's huge. i say it but we've all see it. the same 8 questions asked by the general younger age group. and every answer ends up being 'talk to your partner' no, not many ask HOW to talk to them, suggest ways to address an issue, mostly just 'i have a problem, it's making me depressed, how do i fix it'. in a vanilla relationship you have to talk to your partner, that doesn't magically change once you switch into a new dynamic or if you're testing the waters. actually, i feel if you enter the world of bdsm communication becomes THAT much more important. sometimes it's scary to think that there are littles and caregivers alike out there who don't understand or know such a basic rule of a relationship yet they engage into something like cg/l. i know for a fact i'm not the only one who has noticed it, i've seen a lot of the more frequent posters giving shorter, blunt answers to things where the answer is 'talk to your partner'. they're allowed to be tired of it, it's human. sure, let someone else answer it? that's beside the point. 4.) the lack of concern for a little's caregiver. i have seen so many daddies being wailed on for doing something wrong by someone's standards and then there's a sudden influx of people comforting the person and telling them their daddy was wrong for something that, given the chance you ask the right questions, realize he wasn't in the wrong or that he didn't know he was wrong in the first place because they're expected to be mind readers! and not just littles dis on daddies, i've seen more of the macho man group beat their chests and direct that they assume dominance without speaking to the little to figure out what they want first and immediately throw shade at the caregiver for making any sort of mistake in the first place. i think sometimes people forget that caregivers are people, too. they have wants, needs, desires, they're not perfect, they're still working on living their life, they still make mistakes, they're still learning, you never stop learning. for some reason, here at least, it seems less acceptable for a caregiver to make a mistake vs a little making a mistake. i've seen it happen where people run to comfort the little but if a caregiver would've posted they would've asked what they did to upset the little - as if a little can do no wrong. this bothers me. a lot. like, a lot a lot. you'll often find me commenting in a favoring light of the caregiver ( with very few others who do so as well ) questioning if he knew what he did was wrong, if there was any type of communication going on between the two before, during, or after the issue happened. because, like i said, a lot of them have simple communication issues. i'm sure i missed some things i was curious about or wanted to touch on, no sweat. i bet there were some toes i stepped on, don't be offended. questions? comments? concerns? discuss, please. Edited April 19, 2017 by Candy Minx ♡ 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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