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I've been shamed, and I'm all depressed, now.


Guest daddy's_little_shadow
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Guest daddy's_little_shadow

So, I have a Tumblr that is for the most part dedicated toward DDlg. I've stayed out of anti-DDlg gun fire for the most part, but this morning I woke up to a very mean message about how I should feel ashamed of myself for being a Little, and that I'm encouraging pedophilia. It didn't help that I reblogged from a DDlg blog, but the OP (original poster) is anti-DDlg. There wasn't a banner or caption on the post indicating that they didn't want DDlg blogs to reblog, so I just assumed, especially since it was on a DDlg blog that I follow.

 

Anyway, now I feel kind of sad and anxious, and I was wondering how everyone deals with shamers. Do they have an affect on you? How do you shake off the bad feeling? : (

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That is an opinion of DDlg that may never die, sadly. They don't understand and they're too afraid to try to. Perception is reality and it's very hard to change a persons perception, so to them, that's the reality of DDlg, even though we know it isn't true.

 

Remember though, opinions are like buttholes, we all have them, and most of them stink. Don't let some random stranger behind a screeen get you down.

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Guest Bunnyblossom

Personally on my tumblr I don't generally repost things that're specifically ddlg, like say "Daddy" in them, or title my blog as being a DDLG one. 

Because there's plenty of stuff that I want to reblog and it'll say "anti-ddlg" etc. either on the post itself or on that person's Tumblr. And you kinda need to respect that.

At first I was taken aback and like "Uhm, what? Why not...? Is DDLG a bad thing? Why am I being specifically targeted?" But then realize that it's because of their preconceived notions about DDLG and misunderstandings either from what they've heard down the grape vine or a bad experience they've had with someone who's emitting a bad rep for DDLG. 

It's not necessary to label your tumblr as DDLG-- unless it's so you can find others. But you've got to understand that people don't like it and don't have to, and you have to respect that and be more careful about what you repost. OR you can just keep DDLG on the down low so that you can freely repost or :heart: whatever you want with no repercussions. ^.^ 

 

Tumblr is just a constant disappointed head shake to me. Like, do people not realize that everything you post is basically a free for all so far as reblogging? I've never posted anything on there thinking that it's private and should only be reblogged by likeminded people, or that I have a right to say who can or can't. That's just stupid to me.

 

Same goes for removing captions... Like, I might see a drawing someone's done and then at the bottom see they're all "Commissions open! $30USD" for this tiny digital piece of crap (which is admittedly cute and I like it, but not $30 worth of Like. Nor do I want to promote that charlatanism). Yet I still repost with the caption out of respect. 

 

Another option is to just Heart/Like the post, because then you're not reblogging for it to be sourced back to your blog if they're anti-ddlg. It's just there for you personally to look at in your Likes-- assuming your Likes are private. 

Edited by MilkPop
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Guest daddy's_little_shadow

Personally on my tumblr I don't generally repost things that're specifically ddlg, like say "Daddy" in them, or title my blog as being a DDLG one.

Because there's plenty of stuff that I want to reblog and it'll say "anti-ddlg" etc. either on the post itself or on that person's Tumblr. And you kinda need to respect that.

At first I was taken aback and like "Uhm, what? Why not...? Is DDLG a bad thing? Why am I being specifically targeted?" But then realize that it's because of their preconceived notions about DDLG and misunderstandings either from what they've heard down the grape vine or a bad experience they've had with someone who's emitting a bad rep for DDLG.

It's not necessary to label your tumblr as DDLG-- unless it's so you can find others. But you've got to understand that people don't like it and don't have to, and you have to respect that and be more careful about what you repost. OR you can just keep DDLG on the down low so that you can freely repost or :heart: whatever you want with no repercussions. ^.^

 

Tumblr is just a constant disappointed head shake to me. Like, do people not realize that everything you post is basically a free for all so far as reblogging? I've never posted anything on there thinking that it's private and should only be reblogged by likeminded people, or that I have a right to say who can or can't. That's just stupid to me.

 

Same goes for removing captions... Like, I might see a drawing someone's done and then at the bottom see they're all "Commissions open! $30USD" for this tiny digital piece of crap (which is admittedly cute and I like it, but not $30 worth of Like. Nor do I want to promote that charlatanism). Yet I still repost with the caption out of respect.

 

Another option is to just Heart/Like the post, because then you're not reblogging for it to be sourced back to your blog if they're anti-ddlg. It's just there for you personally to look at in your Likes-- assuming your Likes are private.

 

That's the thing, though. I have been respectful of the fact that alot of people don't want DDlg blogs to reblog their stuff, and so I haven't reblogged anything that said "Do not reblog if DDlg", or things that have indicated anything like that in any way, but when they don't make that clear in their post, and it's so far down the reblog chain, how am I supposed to know? I don't have a problem with them not liking my lifestyle, but I would like them to be clear with that so that I can stay out of their's, ya know. And if their captions are deleted by someone else, a simple and polite request for me to not reblog their stuff would suffice. They don't have to be so rude and go off on me on a personal level. :/

 

I have my Tumblr clearly indicated as DDlg, because I reblog so much DDlg stuff that it might as well be a DDlg blog. It's just how I am, I guess. Even if I didn't say it out right, people could just look at my blog and know. I think I'll just change my username, though. I see your point.

Edited by daddy's_little_shadow
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Guest Dominik

There are always people out being anti-whatever: anti gay, anti police, anti ddlr. Mostly they are anti because it's easier to believe in prejudices than in finding out the truth. It's a fact that many people have very much opinion while having so less knowledge. I I read such a mail or comment, I would think "byebye" and delete/block this person. Such persons are not worth to make me sad or anxious or just to steal my time.

 

So don't be sad, you didn't do anything wrong.  :-)

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Guest Bunnyblossom

I didn't mean for it to seem like I was implying you're not respectful. I was just telling you how I handle tumblr shamers personally, since you asked in your OP. 

I deal with it by avoiding it the best I can in the first place. And whilst it may feel deeply upsetting to have to change your username if it's DDLG related, try not to take it to heart.

 

To them, it doesn't matter how respectful of a person you are, it's about seeing something that offends them to their core and lashing out when you try to interact with them via reblogging/reposting. It's preschool BS that shouldn't even be a thing. 

 

I also don't give a crap whether they delve deep into my tumblr and discover I'm pro DDLG. I secretly hope they realize every time, and feel happy inside- saying that has made me want to make a ddlg heavy Tumblr just to find them and reblog all their stuff. God I'm awful. Don't listen to me. :blush:

 

That's the thing, though. I have been respectful of the fact that alot of people don't want DDlg blogs to reblog their stuff, and so I haven't reblogged anything that said "Do not reblog if DDlg", or things that have indicated anything like that in any way, but when they don't make that clear in their post, and it's so far down the reblog chain, how am I supposed to know? I don't have a problem with them not liking my lifestyle, but I would like them to be clear with that so that I can stay out of their's, ya know. And if their captions are deleted by someone else, a simple and polite request for me to not reblog their stuff would suffice. They don't have to be so rude and go off on me on a personal level. :/

I have my Tumblr clearly indicated as DDlg, because I reblog so much DDlg stuff that it might as well be a DDlg blog. It's just how I am, I guess. Even if I didn't say it out right, people could just look at my blog and know. I think I'll just change my username, though. I see your point.

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tumblr is a whole mess now, i remember when i had my first blog on there and everyone was all about friendship and community

 

now it's about friendship and community only if you fit these very specific points >->

 

don't let it get to you, the opinion of people on tumblr is so warped 

especially if you were staying "in your lane" and someone person who hates bullies yet goes out of their way to bully you should show how messed up they are

 

just reblog what you like, turn off anon (bc lbh rarely are people on tumblr brave enough to talk shit off anon), and be happy

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Guest ~*~Sachita~*~

How do I shake off a bad feeling...

 

I have a journal named "Grumpy Notes".

 

When something is stuck in my head, I write out a one sentence description of what occurred.

 

Then, I write out how I reacted.

 

Next, I write down how I wanted to respond/what went through my head. (This is where I get out all of the swearing and insults on the person's character.)

 

Finally, I write down how I will react next time something similar occurs.

 

It helps me to get out the anger and have a plan for next time. Works for me.

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Guest daddy's_little_shadow

How do I shake off a bad feeling...

I have a journal named "Grumpy Notes".

When something is stuck in my head, I write out a one sentence description of what occurred.

Then, I write out how I reacted.

Next, I write down how I wanted to respond/what went through my head. (This is where I get out all of the swearing and insults on the person's character.)

Finally, I write down how I will react next time something similar occurs.

It helps me to get out the anger and have a plan for next time. Works for me.

Thank you! That sounds like a good idea. I might try that. :3

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Well, ahem, as a 46 year old woman, im not worried about kink shamers and anti ddlg... I mean, what are they going to do? Show up on my doorstep? Umm, no. I myself can't go through life getting hurt every time someone says they don't agree with me. I also hate the whole 'I'm triggered' phenom, because honestly, get over it. Keep scrolling. Whatever. I know it's hard when you are young, to look at it that way, but I've realized that life is full of naysayers. You have to keep swimming! Don't look back. Just because they get hung up on something doesn't mean you have to look back or give them a second glance. Let them stew on their own venom for a while, while you continue being awesome!
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Guest malajaskolka

oh no don't let that get to you! tumblr is a very umm... specific place right now, I see it like a one big contest of who gets more offended XD it's really hard to get those people seriously at this point ;) I used to had a tumblr (but not ddlg related) since 2012 and I saw the community changing with time sooo much, now it's just a one big mess, don't worry about haters, people are very quick to judge for things that they don't even try to understand, just do whatever makes you happy and don't listen to them ;)

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Shadow, don't let other people get to you. Go to your little space and just be happy. Remember that not everyone will agree with you, not everyone will like you. And that's okay. Because not everyone gets to be happy and full of fun like you either.... that's where they are missing out.

 

So cheer up little shadow. You have no reason to be unhappy.

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Guest Mittens

I shake the bad feeling off in several ways. People who do things like that are narcissistic, when they try to get you to think like they thing, do what they do. It can be hard to tell the difference sometimes but someone trying to get you involved in something in their life, like a friend trying to get you into sports or a movie isn't the same thing as verbally, mentally, or physically attacking someone because they don't believe the same as you. People who cannot stand others who do things they don't like are into or agree with are generally narcissistic. There is one other reasoning I like to rationalize them with. Some people are so scared to be something someone wouldn't like. They live a life, scared of rejection and perhaps they want to be DDLG but are scared their friends and family close to them won't accept it, so in turn, then reject the notion of it and find a cause for attack. People can let go of relationships (friends, lover, family) by turning it into anger. Finding a reason to be mad, finding a reason to despise the person, and finding a reason to despite the topic at hand, it helps them let go and not give in, or perhaps they were involved in it, something happened to them, and they are getting mad to try and convince themselves. Honestly, there are tons of explanations to explain it. Instead of hating the person, I feel bad. We all can get grouchy, in a bad mood, and yell at someone we love. We don't mean to, it's our pot of boiling pasta that had too much water in it. It boils over the sides, the starch grows with water causing a foam or "scum" and it boils over igniting on the flames of the stove or carbonizing on the bottom of an electric burner. It only makes the problem worse, and we know it. We all do it. We can't take all the stress and pressure of the world building up inside us and we spill over lashing out at people (the fire) and then the people lash back making it all worse. Instead of lashing out at someone, feel bad for them. Understand the pressure they are under, understand the anxiety they are under, or understand if it is narcissism that it is a mental disorder they can't help. There is no cure, only things to help ease it. You should be feeling bad for them, not happy, not angry, not hurt. That is how I get past the pain caused by people, maybe it helps you, maybe it doesn't. I hope it helps, if not mine, then someones who has generously posted in this topic. 

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i'm so sorry. this has always been a hard pill for me to swallow, too, especially concerning dd/lg. i know, logically, that that kind of hate comes from a place of ignorance, but that doesn't keep it from hurting my feelings, or making me second guess who i am or what i like, even though i don't want it to.

 

since 2010, i've used tumblr as a sort of mental escape, and as everyone knows, tumblr is...almost nothing like it was. it's become a community of people who started with the best of intentions, but have spiraled out of control, in a way. sometimes i get really, really sad about that. i'm sure i'm not the only one who has a place they feel is safe, or...happy, and finds out that time has changed it irreparably. but i try to accept that! i know nothing is going to last forever. especially on the internet, where things change so fast. not that i'm saying that's easy in any way  -_- i just try to keep the hate and ugliness as far away from me as possible. i'm careful about the people i follow, and i do my best to navigate around the negativity on my feed or in the tags. if you have the new xkit, there are a few add ons that are very helpful in that arena.

 

anyway, if it were me, i would try my best to ignore it. most people with that much hate are not in a place where they're willing to change their mind, no matter what you say. but in the end, if they don't give you a choice, you can block them if you need to. and i loved sachita's "grumpy notes" suggestion!

 

i also liked what milkpop had to say - that sometimes it doesn't matter how respectful or good you are; some people are just looking for a fight. a lot of times it's just an unhealthy way that people deal with their own internal issues.  :( but i definitely understand how targeting and personal it can feel. just try to keep your head up and hold onto the fact that YOU know who you are, the people who love you know you're a good person, and that's what matters! there are billions of people in the world, so i guess there's bound to be a couple who are cracked.  :blush: what i'm trying to say is, do not let strangers who don't know you, and are speaking about something they don't understand, make you feel bad about yourself!!!!!!!! (and i'm saying this to you as much as i am to myself. it's hard). i mean, that's such a sad and terrible concept. isn't it?

 

you know that what you have is beautiful, even if somebody else can't appreciate it. so, if i were you, i'd put on my cutest pj's, turn on my favorite movie, and get comfy on the couch with a super good snack. or maybe take a bubble bath! either way, do what you need to do to feel better. and know that whatever that is, is okay.  :heart:

 

also, i'm sorry about how long this ended up!!! i never intend to type so much, and then i wake up from some sort of keyboard trance and i'm sitting in front of a short story? i hope this helped even a little bit.

Edited by freckledfawn
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