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Potential caregiver. Absolute noob. Some complications. Advice?


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Hey everyone, I'm absolutely new here and would appreciate any and all advice. Forgive my use of terms. I have just started reading about this lifestyle and there is still a lot for me to learn. I've only just scratched the surface. Anywho, I am a potential caregiver. I say this because my partner and I have been throwing the idea of entering this dynamic around. I will admit I have my apprehensions. I can see the appeal of the ddlg dynamic in a sexual manner, but not so much as a lifestyle. As a lifestyle, where the little will have rules that they need to follow just seems a little odd to me. At what point does the little persona take over the person's life? I'm worried that would happen and my partner wouldn't be the person that I originally loved. Perhaps I'm not cutout to be a caregiver... To further complicate things, my partner dislikes the fact that they are a little. They LOVE being in their little space, but dislike the fact. They feel that them having this little persona threatens our relationship as a whole... So, I'm looking for advice. Is this dynamic/lifestyle right for us? Am I not cut out to be a caregiver? What can I do for my partner? Anything at all will be helpful. Thanks again.
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Guest Mittens

I can see the problems you are having. Being in littlespace doesn't change a person or their likes or interests. The purpose of Care giving and littlespace is to help them break out. They usually have tendencies of littles which is why most have an age regression, some just do it and don't even know what age they regress to. But the point is things like coloring, cartoons, stuffies, ect are something they enjoy currently. And when they play with their toys or color it helps them to escape from adulting. Being a caregiver I personally feel should be an enjoyment and not a fear or stressful thing. You take joy and pleasure in having someone who acts like that. You can refer to this post I made as well as other members posts to get a more clear understanding of caregivers and why they are caregivers. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/22740-why-do-you-like-being-a-caregiver-or-dom-role/?do=findComment&comment=119665  The dynamic isn't something that should be forced unless you do only go for the sexual side. HOWEVER make sure your partner is in it for a sexual side as well, if not then it may split you two up where your partner wants more affection and attention and you are veering to a more sexual aspect of it. However, if your partner always liked the idea and wanted to really try it, it is a part of them, just maybe a part you never noticed or was ever brought up. As for rules, littles love being given roles. That's why it's DDLG DAddy/Mommy and little. You're basically a governing ruling factor, it's not done so to the point of control and manipulation, everything is talked about and agreed upon. Maybe you dress your little or help your little put on clothes, get toys, brush the littles hair, make sure they brush their teeth, give them treats and snack when they are good or make their favorite foods, give them bed times, give aftercare (look up aftercare online it is vital for littles.) Littles in a relationship setting, are emotional, fragile, and can scare easily. you can hurt them just by getting into arguments or being lax and uncaring seeming. So aftercare is essential, even in most sexual situations.  I hope this helps, there is so much more to tell you, but how much time is there in a day right?

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I'm a 24/7 little who does it as a lifestyle, as well as it just being the way I am. I think there's no "right way" to do it though-me and my Daddy are like this naturally (we're both 21 btw). I think if you only see the appeal of the sexual part of it, then you can just do it in the bedroom and don't have to make rules or anything. I think that your partner is just a little on occasion and it wouldn't change them as a person to explore that-They've likely had a little side the whole time as it comes naturally and they won't stop being a fully functional adult suddenly or anything like that. You're doing good in educating yourself about it though and if you feel like you could be a caregiver you can do it. You should definitely help them not dislike that part of their self because it's not anything to be ashamed of and totally not their fault or something wrong with them
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I think most littles have a hard time at some point in their life with their desires. I for one have felt ashamed of the desires and hated that i have them on numerous occasions. What has helped me is realizing that it is simply a part of who I am and there is nothing wrong with that. My Wifey has helped me realize that and helped me learn to be ok with my little side. I am still the same person, I just enjoy doing things typically enjoined by those younger than myself when I am little.  

The whole dynamic will be what you too make of it. Every relationship has rules most just don't label them as such or list them out with consequences. Some women love pet names other don't so you adapt in that relationship.

 

Some enjoy certain sexual activities so you do them others don't. These are all rules. In DDLG you simply have a discussion and may make rules about things others would not see the point of making a rule for.

 

I would say make a list of the things you both want out of the relationship and develop those things. 

 

Good luck and remember you do not need to do anything you don't want to and both sides of the partnership should understand that. 

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Thank you so much everyone! I'm glad I got the opinions of actually people rather than making my own decision from articles first. This jas given me a fairly old idea of what I want. I still have to research more and sit down with my partner and discuss where we go from here. I appreciate everyone's input.
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  • 5 weeks later...
And here i was thinking me and my little are unique snowflakes... We started off as vanilla and then realised both had interests in BDSM. So we started experimenting. After the one star train wreck of our first master/slave session we decided to put it on ice. Then we discovered ddlg and it just sortof clicked. Had our first play time not too long ago and already it seems like we're going lifestyle. But thats us. The whole point of bdsm in general is to have fun dammit! I feel people get too stuck in all the rules and labels. Just do what feels right. Do what feels good. And work it out between the two of you. If both of you aren't having fun then what's the point?
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