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Daddy doesn't give structure....


tinytundrakitten
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I'm a little looking for a caregiver's advice. I've been with my Daddy for a really long time(almost 5 years) and he's never been strict with me. I've always made it clear that I need structure and rules, but the only rule he has for me right now is that I can't swear when I'm in little space. He rarely ever enforces that and when he does, he almost never punishes me for it. We don't live together but we see each other 3-4 times per week, and are on skype almost constantly when we're apart. I have a lot of trouble with sleeping and feel as though an enforced bedtime and a routine would help me and I've made this clear to him, but he almost always just goes to sleep, leaving me awake, alone, and scared. I also have a lot of trouble remembering to take my daily medication and do simple things like shower, go potty, and whatnot. I've done my absolute best to tell him that I need structure and rules, but he doesn't even seem willing to try. I've given him online resources to look at to come up with ideas for rules, punishments, and ways to provide structure to littles, but he doesn't seem to looked at them. What can I do to make it resonate with him that this is a big deal to me? Please help me.

Edited by tinytundrakitten
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Im a new daddy so I can see this from both points. You said you've been with your daddy for about 5 years. Has your relationship always been dd/lg, though? Maybe try being incredibly straight forward with him and explain to him that you need rules and an enforced bedtime. If he still doesn't get that then try asking him if he's ready to be a daddy and/or if he is really interested in it. If not, I think it's best that you go your seperate ways. It won't be easy if that's the case but if he isn't caring for you in the way that you need, then that isn't good.
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Im a new daddy so I can see this from both points. You said you've been with your daddy for about 5 years. Has your relationship always been dd/lg, though? Maybe try being incredibly straight forward with him and explain to him that you need rules and an enforced bedtime. If he still doesn't get that then try asking him if he's ready to be a daddy and/or if he is really interested in it. If not, I think it's best that you go your seperate ways. It won't be easy if that's the case but if he isn't caring for you in the way that you need, then that isn't good.

it didn't start out as dd/lg, but it became just that about 3 and a half years ago. He tries to identify himself as a gentle Daddy, but gentle isn't what I need. I don't think that he doesn't want to be a Daddy, I mostly just think it's like a fundamental misunderstanding of exactly what the title and role entails.

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If he doesn't want to be a Daddy, then there really is no forcing it. 

 

But something to remember is that, yes, CGs are there to inherently take care of you and support you. But these real life situations need to be rectified from your end. Start regulating yourself. I know it sucks when you crave structure and don't have it, but when it comes to your health, you need to take the reins. Its especially important with a partner who may not even identify as a CG. It wouldn't be fair to expect these things from him if it isn't in his nature. 

 

Daddies are here to help you be the best you, but you have to make the effort as well. Start your own bed time, set reminders on your phone for your medication, these are things that directly affect your health and you have to own your responsibility. Sure a Daddy would be A LOT of help (I have insomnia, I completely understand) but it needs to start on you. Even in a full fledged DDlg relationship it isn't fair to give the Daddy all of the responsibility for your health. We basically give them responsibility, but it should really only happen after we have a grasp on it ourselves. Even if we struggle, thats fine, its the initiative we need. And putting yourself in a routine may make you healthier/happier and more patient when it comes to communicating your needs with your partner.

 

Long story short - You should probably have an adult to adult convo with your partner. Tell him, plain as day, what you need and ask what he needs. You need to keep your mind open to the outcomes. If you cannot live without a strict Daddy and he simply cannot be one, then you need to be prepared to find a more suitable match. If you can live without a strict Daddy and he doesn't have any CG tendencies, then you should be prepared to suppress some of your urges. If he open to being a strict Daddy, you need to be prepared to take it step by step and be very patient while he learns these things naturally.

 

I know this all sounds harsh, probably, but it is reality in how you get a happier lifestyle. I wish you both the best and I hope you both get what makes you happy. :heart:

Edited by LittleBree
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it didn't start out as dd/lg, but it became just that about 3 and a half years ago. He tries to identify himself as a gentle Daddy, but gentle isn't what I need. I don't think that he doesn't want to be a Daddy, I mostly just think it's like a fundamental misunderstanding of exactly what the title and role entails.

 

I don't think he has a 'fundamental misunderstanding of exactly what the title and role entails' I just think you two have different ideals of what the role entails. For example you wouldn't say a little that doesn't like pacis and isn't 100% pretty, pink and perfect doesn't understand the role because they don't fit into certain ideals just like you shouldn't say a daddy who isn't strict doesn't understand the role. By saying things like that you isolate a lot of daddies from the community and make them feel like they're not enough. That's not fair. 

 

And with regards to your original post I just think you need to have an adult conversation with him about it and if he still doesn't understand then there's not much you can do. You can either live with the fact that he doesn't fulfill your needs or leave him and find someone who does.

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