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Daddy as my father?


curlyheadspace
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Hi everyone

I have my very first Daddy and at the same time first boyfriend ever for almost 3 months now.

I recently noticed that I treat him like he was my real father more than my lover. I feel like he replaces/erases from my mind the "father" (stepfather, who was more like a housemate for seven years of my childhood) I had or fills the empty hole I have left from my biological father, where all father-related things should be (memories, feelings etc.). Is it common? Good or bad? I feel kind of like a complete weirdo because of it, ashamed and guilty even...

And... should I tell my Daddy about it?

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Hi.

 

First of all, dont feel guilty or ashamed of this. It seems like you have found someone who is good for you in a number of ways.

 

You won't be the only little out there who had issues with her father. And while littles are little for many different reasons, it isn't uncommon at all.

 

If your bf/daddy is a father figure to you on top of everything else, and even unknowingly helps you to replace bad memories with good ones, that's a good thing.

 

As to whether you should tell him or not, we all react differently, so I can't advise you on that, but if I had a little tell me this, I would feel immensely proud.

 

Whatever you decide, feel good about your relationship and how it eases your past too.

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If you're happy and he's happy and the situation doesn't hurt anybody then what is there to feel bad or guilty about? Does the situation bother you? Do the feelings bother you? If not just enjoy it. If they do, address that and ask yourself why they bother you. 

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What you described sounds exactly like what I want in a relationship with a Daddy. I have so much emptiness from not having a real father, and because of this I sometimes doubt if my interest in ddlg is sincere. So I really empathize with you.

 

If you both are happy, what you have is probably good. I'm not sure if you should tell your Daddy because I've never had one, so can't give you advice there. Best of luck!!! :)

Edited by Carrot Cake
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It isn't weird at all, and you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed. Though that being said, if it is troubling you you should definitely discuss it with your Daddy. Communication is super important, and I'm sure he wouldn't want you holding on to all of these concerns alone. <3

 

In my opinion, it is normal and okay to see your Daddy in a father role. Anyone can be a father figure and not actually be a father. It's in the nature of a Daddy to be kind, caring, and nourishing, and to provide what you need. So I personally do not think you have anything to worry about. A father figure doesn't have to be a real father. If you're getting what you need from your relationship then that is all that matters. 

 

My Daddy sent me this the other week and told me it's how he feels about us. https://scontent-syd2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20479593_1764904186871170_3926522212261326772_n.jpg?oh=482b0271e8a670c6bbe08e6d741dd67f&oe=5A2AE8E6 

I admit I felt a little weird at first because it uses "dad" a lot, but when I thought about it and talked to him I realised how many parallels there are between them. A father or father figure cares about you and guides you to be your best, helps you grow, is there when you need love and support, believes in you, is proud of you, and always wants what is best. And a Daddy does all of that too.

 

If your Daddy provides the father figure you need, then that's great and there is nothing wrong with that at all. But you need to talk to your Daddy about it. Your concerns are his concerns too. I'm sure he wouldn't want you being worried about this alone. Best of luck :)

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I went through a similar transition. I don't know if it's "common," but it happened to me. Somewhere, deep down, my Daddy replaced my biological father. It felt like a do-over of my childhood. My biological father is just a man, now. The memories of the things he did to me, memories that used to cause me great pain, have faded. I don't FEEL like his daughter, anymore. When people talk about their fathers, I now think of my Daddy, and I feel happy, instead of sad. I no longer feel like I missed out on something. 

 

I'm not sure if it's common or even healthy, but for me, it's been a huge blessing. I finally became the confident, well-adjusted person I was always meant to be. I know it's unconventional, but I've never felt more normal. At the end of the day, we are two adults who both decided that this is what we want. My Daddy is fully aware of how I feel, and he's happy to be that for me. 

 

Your Daddy would probably want to know if you're feeling confused or guilty. I think some reassurance from him would go a long way. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Me and my Daddy have had huge conversations about this topic. My Daddy is twice my age so literally could father someone my age so that definitely adds to the dynamic. But I have told him many times that the way he talks to me and handles me is replacing bad memories I have of growing up and is putting memories "or should I say impressions?" Where my real father should have been and it has helped me through some serious anxiety. My Daddy also thinks it's endearing that I think of him this way and that's exactly how I feel about it too. But I don't only think of him as a father figure, he definitely also falls into the role of a lover and companion and that works great for us.

 

I think u should talk to ur Daddy about it, It might intensify things even more which could be a great thing ☺️ Good luck

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