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Lg refuses punishments


cassiesdaddy

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My lg will not accept her punishments. She will not take spankings or will argue about the legitimacy of the reason for her punishment. Should i become more forcefull? I have told her she is volating the contract. Explained the reasons she needs to be punished...
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Ive tried i talked to her about it. how she was violated our agreement or was mean or had too much attitude. She always has an arguement (not really) like well you did the dishes... in our contract she is supposes to do the dishes. I generally help out though esspecially when she is busy. Or she will bring up some random other point like "well you told our son to go to bed at 9 and he stayed up til 930." Then she goes into how is that isnt fair. Or daddy was crabby who punishes him.
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You might need t sit down with her outside of the cg/l dynamic (adult to adult) and figure out why. It may she is being bratty, but at some point that can go too far. I know my partner gets bratty, but if she is a brat 24/7 then I wouldn't be able to deal since that is no longer a functional dynamic. If she is bratty you should talk to her about maybe keeping it to a minimum or what techniques you can use to get around that brattiness.

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Alright, it seems to me that she is either being impossibly bratty so that it's over the line, or she simply does not enjoy punishments, only rewards. I don't quite know how you'd feel about having a ddlg relationship that would look like that, but that's not up to me to decide. Like the others have said, you should really try to talk to her, because this is not something you can ignore since you're clearly a bit frustrated and confused. As you'd talk to her, please don't accept excuses like the ones you mentioned above, that's obviously not the real problem. Maybe she just wants to get punished if she does something REALLY bad, like peeing the bed or something (I doubt a lot of adults do that anymore but hey, just an example :p). Once again I should not tell you how she might feel or how you should solve it, that is for both of you to figure out as a couple.

Idk if this will help, but hopefully it'll have some use c:

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 Or she will bring up some random other point like "well you told our son to go to bed at 9 and he stayed up til 930." Then she goes into how is that isnt fair. Or daddy was crabby who punishes him.

that seems a little inconsistent of you.... if you want her to stick to the rules you have to do the same lead by example i'd say

Edited by littleApril
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that seems a little inconsistent of you.... if you want her to stick to the rules you have to do the same lead by example i'd say

 

I beg to differ. Life happens and sometimes things need to adjust to reality. Plus he said that he did some things for her because he saw she needed the help, I wouldn't say that's inconsistent, but it is rather a prime example of leading by example.

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I beg to differ. Life happens and sometimes things need to adjust to reality. Plus he said that he did some things for her because he saw she needed the help, I wouldn't say that's inconsistent, but it is rather a prime example of leading by example.

sorry was talking about the later part of his statement about going to bed my fault

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sorry was talking about the later part of his statement about going to bed my fault

 

Ah ok. Oops. It's all good. I understand what you were getting at.

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Guest Fros†beard

Alright, it seems to me that she is either being impossibly bratty so that it's over the line, or she simply does not enjoy punishments, only rewards.

From personal experience, that's my bet.

It's super frustrating because, while she agreed to the dynamic in its entirety, no punishment was ever mild enough.

She'd just do whatever she wanted and throw a tantrum when I brought up a possible punishment.

 

So yeah. It obviously can't work like that.

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I recommend you drop the dynamic for a while and get some couple's therapy. This doesn't sound like a DD/lg problem, but a passive agressive issue. I've seen enough of the behavior in relationships over the years to know where it leads.

 

If she refuses going to counseling with you to address the underlying problems in your relationship, then the water is going to get rougher. I hope you two can work something out. Best wishes.

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thanks for all the replies. I am as consistent as anyone with kids can be sports, school, etc. That is just one example and that particular example he (my actual son) was told he has to be in bed by 9... he was and he watched TV til 9:30... and it had nothing to do with the actual thing she was being punished for which was the attitude she gave when discussing plans for the week.

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I recommend you drop the dynamic for a while and get some couple's therapy. This doesn't sound like a DD/lg problem, but a passive agressive issue. I've seen enough of the behavior in relationships over the years to know where it leads.

If she refuses going to counseling with you to address the underlying problems in your relationship, then the water is going to get rougher. I hope you two can work something out. Best wishes.

 

Agreed 100% I'm not usually one for dropping the dynamic but this all definitely sounds like a deeper issue. It might be helpful to bring in a couple counseler.

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  • 2 weeks later...
As a Little with children and a Dd who is alsoo Husband, i recommend keeping kids/family life out of rules/punishments. We live 24/7 like this and manage to do so. Also, it sounds like you need to take a time out and speak strictly as adults.
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