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On being an Authentic Daddy - a little's perspective


MrJohnny
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I found this elsewhere on this site (I will not say where to protect the OP) and think it worth posting as a Topic. I am sure that most who have experience in this lifestyle have encountered Fake Daddies who were only looking to exploit littles for sexual or control purposes. What follows is the expression of a little about what she believes Daddies should actually be. The OP's identity will not be revealed for her protection.

 

"Although I am fairly young and fairly new to the whole entire DDLG community what I have seen that was truly staggering to the mind was the way how so many people would slap on the title of "Daddy" without truly appreciating the full meaning of the word. To me the full definition of what it means to be a "Daddy" is wanting to actually be there and care for your "Little". To hold and comfort her during all of her "Little Droughts" and Rainy Sick Days. To watch, enjoy, and occasionally interact with your little whether she is just colouring while watching her favorite show or playing tea parties with her stuffies. To be a caregiver is about much more than just some hip, fashion trend it's more so about being able to cherish and love your little knowing that the same love and compassion that you show to your little , your little will show it back to you."

 

I would really appreciate the input of other littles regarding the things they need from their Daddies. I am also curious how littles get their needs met when their Daddy is Long Distance, because I don't really see how this could be a fulfilling dynamic.

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Guest Littlenala

I agree. And I feel that there are guys out there that automatically think a little should do as they say because they go by the title "daddy". It's not about taking control or ordering some one around. From personal experience. When shown love and care I am more willing to give over control to a Dom who has earned my trust then to someone who demands I trust them from the get go. 

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Passive-aggressive attacks on other Daddies that you don't agree with are just as pathetic even when you're cherry-picking a single individual opinion from somebody else to hide behind. If you don't understand how someone might have different desires to you or how to please someone in a LDR, do your research before you start throwing shade around. If you do, you'll notice that's there's already several topics discussing the toxic overuse of the term Fake Daddy and realize that it only shows your inexperience and limited frame of thinking.
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One person's "fake daddy" is another person's dream daddy. There is no "one true way"

Nobody gets the right to say how all daddies or lg's should be.

I partially agree but disagree with what you're saying. I agree when you say that there is "no one true way" to be a cg, but to say (basically) that there are no fake cgs is false in my opinion. Just like there are fake doms/cgs, there are fake subs or pseudo doms and subs. I mean yeah, everyone's dynamic is different, but there is at least some fundamental and universal standard that defines any relationship (be it subjective or objective). Now if someone seeks to exploit you in any way for selfish interests or con you into believing what isn't, then they're a fake. I think maybe the wrong word choice was used by the OP and maybe should have been "genuine" instead of "authentic" but fake daddies and cgs do exist just as well as fake Littles
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This post is certainly NOT a "passive-aggressive attack on other Daddies I don't agree with", and to level that accusation seems to be your own version (though lacking the "passive" part) of that very thing. In fact, your own reply seems to me to be a violation of the rules regarding being respectful to others in the Community. I was simply agreeing with the sentiment of the OP, and using this as a method to solicit other opinions (a form of "research"). I have every right to express my opinion and seek other opinions from the Community. Yes, I do lack experience, as do many others here (which I understood to be one of the reasons this Forum exists - that we might all learn).  And while I entirely agree that "nobody has the right to say how all Daddies or lg's should be" because every relationship is unique and extremely personal, I also think it wise for a little to be careful in discerning the motives of a "caregiver". The potential for serious emotional, psychological, or even physical harm is considerable. Awareness of the vulnerability inherent in the needs of littles seems obvious to even one with a "limited frame of thinking". "Better safe than sorry" is still excellent advice.

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I partially agree but disagree with what you're saying. I agree when you say that there is "no one true way" to be a cg, but to say (basically) that there are no fake cgs is false in my opinion. Just like there are fake doms/cgs, there are fake subs or pseudo doms and subs. I mean yeah, everyone's dynamic is different, but there is at least some fundamental and universal standard that defines any relationship (be it subjective or objective). Now if someone seeks to exploit you in any way for selfish interests or con you into believing what isn't, then they're a fake. I think maybe the wrong word choice was used by the OP and maybe should have been "genuine" instead of "authentic" but fake daddies and cgs do exist just as well as fake Littles

Yes i know they do. That's not really what i was saying. Had enough experience of my own of fakes. My point is that nobody can say that someone is fake or a bad daddy just because they don't do things the way they want things done.
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From what I understand the only way someone can be a 'fake' CG, is if you decide to be abusive. Financially, emotionally, sexually, physically, ect. Then again, you're also faking being a decent human being too. 

 

Assuming that the CG isn't abusive, some people need very strict rules and control, other people need less control from their CG. So, I guess in the end, it's all about what that person even needs from their CG. 

 

As for LDR, yes some people can successfully do LDR. It takes a ton of communication, but it's super possible. 

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In a topic precisely called "fake daddies" in the announcements section,a site admin tried to slow down the pace at which this question resurfaces,with some success I think. Maybe it's like some vaccines that have to be renewed from time to time; Let us read this again,it makes things pretty clear and simple. 

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Guest Mister Grey

Passive-aggressive attacks on other Daddies that you don't agree with are just as pathetic even when you're cherry-picking a single individual opinion from somebody else to hide behind. If you don't understand how someone might have different desires to you or how to please someone in a LDR, do your research before you start throwing shade around. If you do, you'll notice that's there's already several topics discussing the toxic overuse of the term Fake Daddy and realize that it only shows your inexperience and limited frame of thinking.

 

Seems we went right past passive to just plain aggressive.

 

I think everyone can agree that for every good daddy, there is probably a real bad daddy out there as well, same goes for littles and opinions for either can be warped by the interactions we have had personally.

 

That being said, in general terms, everyone, care giver or little, vanilla or kink, should be careful with their interactions and take the time to vet anyone they interact with and not let themselves be taken by the freshness of the moment.

 

Your posts comes across as incredibly defensive.  The post was clear in its intent and the questions are valid even if you feel they have been asked a million times before and even if your not a fan of the subject.

 

 

if your frustration is simply that she did not “research” a subject you feel has already been answered, you should note that maybe she simply did not find an answer that completely put at ease her query, or that she simply did not come across the right thread, in any case, weather she looked or not, what does it hurt to simply answer the question to the best of your ability or of you dont want too, for whatever reason, simply ignore the thread and move on to something that is not going to fill you with such….aggression.

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From what I understand the only way someone can be a 'fake' CG, is if you decide to be abusive. Financially, emotionally, sexually, physically, ect. Then again, you're also faking being a decent human being too.

 

 

To me, a fake is someone who claims to be something that they are not. Abuse is something else entirely.
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Yes, I was aggressive. It was intentional. I'm tired of this virtual signaling. If you think you're a good Daddy, show it by building yourself up instead of tearing others down. As you said, awareness of a little's vulnerability is obvious. That's why we're all aware of it and have discussed it frequently. And the result of most of those discussions is that this exact thing you're doing is almost as bad as the abusive people you're standing against. Why would you expect patient replies when you don't even have the respect to do the research and find out that the attitude you have has been previously deemed abusive in itself? You're right that the forum is here to help people learn, but it's also a community, and we don't need people stomping around and beating their chest and trying to subtly bully or demean others, intentionally or not. If you can't get attention by drawing focus to your strengths instead of pointing out other's shortcomings, you're not worth the attention. You have every right to express your opinion, as others do in response. You wouldn't feel great if I wrote a list of "What makes a Fake Daddy worse than me" and put "making self-promoting lists about what makes a Fake Daddy" on it, would you. If you're going to be aware of the ways in which littles are vulnerable, you should be aware of the ways in which Daddies are vulnerable, and that what you're doing is one. There are abusive people in all walks of life. Be smart. Be safe. Of course. But don't run around calling people fake as a backhanded way of implying that you're "real." And also, I hope to hell that you asked permission to quote her before you posted.
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No one is implying anything of the sort about being "real" or "fake" and no one us tearing anyone down. I'm not sure if you're actually following. I just read a post that gave me the impression that there was something meant by what was said and I commented in disagreement. She cleared it up in her next post. You're getting hella defensive and you need to relax. Don't start throwing accusations of what you THINK I'm saying and lashing out and let's have a constructive dialogue about it instead
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I have no issue clearing up what appears to be a misunderstanding on both sides (mine to her's and yours to mine) but don't go around getting hostile with me for no valid reason. Let's do this constructively....like adults and like a community ^^
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Guest Mister Grey

Maybe the rest of us should leave this conversation alone and let you deal with the poster directly, cause it almost seems like you got some issues to work through honestly.  In many ways, your heated reaction comes off as personal.

 

 

I dont see the point in trying to discuss a subject in the midst of obvious anger and or frustration

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I just see this as just one little's opinion on what she feels what the term "Daddy" means to her and OP just agreeing with it.

A lot of people have a different opinions what a "real" Daddy is to them. It simply means what they prefer/want/need, perhaps influenced by tumblr (internet), or what they are themselves, doesn't actually mean the others are fake.

 

The "fake", "real", "authentic" Daddy terms that are being thrown around does irk me as much as people throwing around little's are or seen as vulnerable when they all are actually adults within this lifestyle that is only meant for adults.

And just because the girls tends to be more vocal about fake daddies, or screaming abuse, doesn't mean that's always the case as well, it usually just lead to experiencing disappointments and incompatibility with the person.

 

I would personally only call someone fake who is pretending and claiming to be someone they aren't.

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Oh well for a second I thought you were talking to me lol :p

But my point does stand that a civil, constructive dialogue is in order because clearly ppl are talking past each other and getting aggressive. Like you said, it's a community and we shouldn't be fighting. And I'm sure that's the universal sentiment of everyone reading/posting here. If you need an arbiter I'm sure admins would be happy to orchestrate the convo, or close friends in the community (however it's probably best to stick with admins). Let's come together, chill out, and enjoy each other's company ^^

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My Daddy and I are long distance. We live in the same country, so timezones are not an issue. We video call with one another every night before bedtime. He can then tell me a story or sing for me, or whatever to help me sleep. We call throughout the day as well. I do have rules and if I break a rule I do get punished, my punishments include writing lines, having to go to bed early, writing a letter explaining what I did and why it was wrong, not swearing for a few hours, not getting to eat sweets, stuff like that. I colour while we video, or we watch movies together, or I bathe while he watches. We see one another every few months, and that helps a lot. I think in this day and age, with all the technology, it really helps, and makes things much easier. I do feel fulfilled in my relationship, I get all the attention I need, I get disciplined, I get love, I get what I need, we text all day, send one another selfies and videos, it just sucks that I don't get to see him as much as I like. Sometimes I do get really sad because I miss him, but it is what it is, and there's not much I can do about it, except wait until I'm in his arms again :) Edited by Princess Bunni
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My papa and I are long distance, and I just need quick replies and a phone call every night.  When I'm deep in little space, I rely on him to hold me in roleplay, and just let me be little, and him be gentler with me than he would if we were both big.

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