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Daddy looking for advice on my Little or her lack of Littleness


dominantdad
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Ok, I am going to try really hard to not write a wall of text.  

 

My Little and I have been together for almost 27 years.  We have a couple of kids moved out of the house and one remaining 17 year old.  The 17 year old knows about my wife being Little to some extent.  She doesn't fully get it and she doesn't want to be fully exposed to it.  She wants to make sure she has her Mommy still.  

 

This means our time is limited on when we can really play.  By which I mean Little movies, coloring, and obviously any sexy times.  Cuddling is ok and sometimes listening to Disney music on Pandora is ok and a Disney movie her and there is ok.  My wife is great at it.  She can draw the line and be perfectly fine not even thinking about Littleness for days on end because she doesn't feel free to be herself when our daughter is around.  So I freely admit that her priorities are right and she handles it well.

 

I guess my struggle is that I am not so good at it.  I want her to be Little more like 75% of the time.  I miss her Littleness and I miss the way I get treated as Daddy.  So I try and do things to push her along and push her toward Littleness.  It is a real struggle for me.  I asked my wife if she could help Maddison (her Little name) get Daddy something for Fathers Day, and she looked surprised.  She said 'Oh, I didn't even think about that.'  I was kinda heart broken because I really wanted her to say 'uh.. duh, she loves her Daddy and is doing something.'

 

We really do have a great relationship otherwise.  We don't fight we enjoy spending time together, so its really just this one issue that we are not aligned on..

 

Maybe I am just way more into being a Daddy than she is being a Little..  If I were responding to someone else who wrote this I would tell them to have a sit down and really explain their feelings... So ok. I can and will do that.  But does any other Caregiver out there have any experiences where they felt they were more into it than their partner?

 

Thanks for reading and any advice would be helpful.

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Guest CookieDoughDarling

Usually the lack of showing littleness is due to some sort of discomfort. Maybe she isn't comfortable doing so with your daughter around, perhaps she is starting to feel less little than she may have at one point. People are constantly changing, it could be she is outgrowing the role or no longer feels it's something she should do. Perhaps something else is holding her back from it. It all comes down to communication!

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I'm confused and wanting to know how your daughter knows your wife is a little?  :p 

 

And as for what to do, as you said. talk to her, express to her what you want, and also try some understanding from her side and why it might not be possible. Maybe plan a trip away from your daughter. Take your lady out for a date night, and a evening at a hotel, and have some Daddy and little time. Cuddle, watch something, talk about stuff. Maybe see whats shes interested in. Talk about little space, or try and figure out what she wants to do. Sometimes romantic getaways are nice to do.  Like you guys can go to the beach or something else that will bring out the child like curiosity in her.  As a daddy, you can also be immature and try and get her out of her zone of being a mum and realize she can still have fun too.  :3

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Guest Rainbow

I definitely know how your wife could be feeling. I am a part time mom to a few rapscallions, and when I work, then come home to kids being kids making messes and demands, I don't feel so little either.

 

When you talk with her, remind her that it is ok to take a time out. You have the benefit of your remaining kid being plenty old enough to entertain herself. Spend an hour or two in your bedroom with the door closed and just do whatever it is that you two enjoy to do during little space. It might take some especially inspiring props the first time or two, to distract her from the feeling that she needs to be in the house doing her momly duties. So surprise her with a little gift that you know from the past that she loves, whether that be stuffie, new crayons or coloring book, stickers, costume jewelry. Or even queue up a little movie on your laptop or something.

 

Personally, I need to have the time after kids are hunkered down for bed to let out some little me, every day. It releases the pressures of moming and adulting all day.

 

Remember, be gentle! Nothing hides the little away more than being aggressive and accusatory (not saying you would on purpose, I just know this happens before we expect it sometimes, especially when you've been together so long).

 

Good luck!

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Thanks for all your input!  I appreciate the time each of you took to respond.

We had a good conversation and, as usual, things are really fine.  She has been feeling out of sorts the last week as we just got back from a vacation.  And she hasn't been able to get into the routine again.  She expressed her love for her Little side and misses it as much as I do.

 

So we are good, as usual nothing a bottle of wine and open discussion couldn't solve.

 

Again, thanks to each of you for your inputs.  It did help me frame up my mind better before we started talking.

 

Have a great day!

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