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Feeling Defeated in a LDR


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Hi everyone.


I wanted to post this to see if anyone is feeling the same way, or if it's normal to feel this way. Hopefully someone will have a piece of advice to ease my mind.


I just want to start out by saying that I love my Daddy, but I'm new to DDLG, and I've never had an LDR.


Let me give you a backstory. My Daddy and I met on here. He lives in Maryland and I live in Ohio. Without giving too much away of his personal life, he won't be able to move to Ohio for the next couple of years. And I can't move to Maryland to be with him because I'm in university. I've considered transferring to a university near him, but I don't want to make the wrong decision, like if the college isn't good for me, or I don't enjoy myself there; not to mention leaving all of my friends and family behind. We both make a conscience effort to see each other once a month, whether it be me driving to see him or vise versa. 


Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world, but sometimes the distance is too much. I am clingy and needy, and I want to be able to hug/snuggle/kiss/etc my Daddy anytime I want. I tell him that I'm feeling this way, and he listens and tries to make me feel better, but I don't know if being a LDR is healthy for me or for him.


I guess the best question to ask is: How do you manage the distance? What are some ways you help yourself feel better? What are some things you and your caregiver incorporate into your daily routine to help the distance not feel as... far? Any advice would be greatly appreciated to ease my mind.


Thank you for reading. And thank you to anyone in advance who has the time to comment. 

Edited by junebug0325
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An often overlooked tool is to plan for an "internet date."  Figure out something that you can both do at the same time - plan out a meal you can both purchase or cook, find a movie you can both stream and watch together, etc.  Shared experiences are a big part of emotional intimacy. :)

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Guest Aetherr

LDR is not for everyone its a test of love and a test of will, if you cannot handle it that is okay but one thing i will say is you did not mention if your daddy is handling it but if he is and you love him i would say you should look at him as an example, if he can make it work you should also that is if you love him again if you cannot do it there is nothing wrong with that but if you love him enough that he is worth the wait then you will find a way i'm sure just remember he is facing that same struggle with you

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Guest Naturalselectionissexy

You need to find a way to accept the distance and be able to deal with it or it will tear your relationship apart. Only you are capable of that. Let's be honest here, it's a 7ish hour drive depending where you both live. That is not very far. I would suggest seeing eachother every other week. Also look for cheap airfairs in advance using Google flights. You'll have more time to spend with each other and sometimes it is cheaper than driving.


I wouldn't suggest moving for each other anytime soon. If things are still good after a few years then it would make sense to do so. Otherwise it's going to be another area of contention and potential resentment based off of your comments about friends and family.

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My Daddy and I started out as an LDR. We met on here in November last year. I lived in Ireland and he lived here in Scotland. We decided that I should come visit him because he has his own place and I still lived with my parents. So in January I flew over to stay here for 3 weeks.


I was in my third year of college with another year to go. But at the end of the three weeks in January I didn’t want to come back home. After being with him for a magical three weeks, I couldn’t go back to LDR. I begged my Daddy to let me stay with him because it was heartbreaking to say goodbye at the airport. He told me I had to finish this year of school but if I wanted, I could move when I was finished in March. This would mean I would graduate early and not get my full degree. But it was what I wanted.


So in March, 7 weeks after I had left my Daddy in January, I moved to Scotland to be with my Daddy. And I am still here with him almost 8 months later. I got very lucky in my relationship. I knew it was right to move despite only knowing my Daddy for 4 months. Next month will be our one year anniversary and I can’t wait.


But while we were LDR we would watch little things on Rabbit or YouTube. Honestly we would just talk on skype for over 12 hours a day. We always were in contact. We didn’t really plan meals to eat together. Sometimes we would just eat at the same time. Or sometimes one of us would eat and the other wouldn’t. We did sexual things over Skype, which believe me is more difficult when you live with family and your brother is just down the hall.

But we made it work while we had to. Like I said, I got lucky because I didn’t have to stay LDR for long. I chose not to do my fourth year of college in order to live with my Daddy and I don’t regret it even slightly.


I guess my point is that sometimes sacrifices are made to get to the point of not being an LDR anymore. But until then there are ways to make it work.

Edited by Bambi95
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My ex and I were in a LDR thanks to my uni for two years. I flew to him every month (it was easier for me to go to him as I had Fridays and most of Mondays off so I could make it a long weekend whereas he had work), and spent my holidays/breaks with him. We had a plan that when I graduated I would move to him because my transfer wasn't accepted, and having that plan for when we would be together really helped me get through time times we were LD. 


If you haven't already you should go check out the university on your next break. See if you like the feeling of it, see what clubs and activities are available, and try get an idea if you could see yourself being happy there. I understand the idea of leaving friends and family is terrifying and upsetting but you can still visit them and keep in contact. It's not the same but if this guy is really worth moving that far for then you adapt to things and do what you can. 


But for now while you are long distance.... for me what helped the most was having a rough plan on when I could be with him. I felt more secure knowing that it was going to happen. I haven't personally tried many of these, but there's a fewapps on this post about LRDs (sfw). Maybe you could try some together, like rabbit for movie dates or one of the drawing games. ^^

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