comfort

[squishymonster]

hello!!

I've been in my first entirely irl ddlg-based relationship for about a year now. It's still pretty new to both of us.

In the past year, I've only been comfortable even giving myself the option to go into littlespace (right before bed) for the past few months. I'm really shy, and it's still really hard to entirely let loose. I tend to be viewed as mature in day-to-day life and it's hard for me to drop that title. I'm always embarrassed when I start using my "little voice" and try letting myself act silly. At first, I could only get myself to use my little voice right before bed, because then I could just later blame it on me being tired. I only started calling him Daddy a month ago, because I've been too ashamed to earlier on, and every other dom name seemed too corny/unnatural.

But I know this has nothing to do with my own littlespace, because it's really easy when I'm alone. I can color stuff, watch cartoons and play with stuffies just fine alone, but I freeze up a little around him.

And it's not his fault either, he's a wonderful dom that completely respects me. He's put in a ton of effort to research and grow for me, and learn about me even through my shyness. He always encourages me to invest myself into it because he knows it makes me happy. He even finds it adorable when I do let loose a little.

(It doesn't help that I'm in the last few months of living with family, so immersion is broken a lot easier because of the lack of privacy. There's so much more I wish I could do, but I'm just limited to my room in the evenings.)

How do I accept myself more? How do I remind myself that Daddy accepts me? Have you had similar problems? I think a lot of it is internalizing what outsiders/boring people think about the cgl community, and so I judge myself by their standards, even if I'm just in a dark little room with only Daddy.

Blegh.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i think a lot of this just has to do with self-image + trust. 

it's going to take time. this isn't necessarily a "little" thing, but more a people thing.

this part of you is a vulnerable space that you've never shared with another human being before.

don't put an expiration date on how long it should take you to be comfortable + ready.

if it's easier to text-talk small for a while, use that. even if you're in person.

if it's easier to skype while small, do that.

you might not be ready to be small in front of your partner even after a year together + that is no one's fault, including your own. 

 

there are no magic tricks or cures here. 

just patience, time, + trust. 

meet yourself where you're at + go from there.