How to talk to a little?

[Guest sim pie]

My little says that I don't talk to her correctly while she's in little space. I feel like I talk way differently to her when she's in little space but apparently, it's not good enough ;---;. I'm completely new to being a dom, so I need some tips. How do I act towards her. She won't tell me what she wants, she just tells me to go do my own research.

[SamL]

 She won't tell me what she wants, she just tells me to go do my own research.

 

This strategy does not typically work out well.

[Princesspunzie21]

hi,

 

this is a difficult one because every liccle is different, i found telling my daddy these things difficult but i think i can help in some way. when im in little space i like to be spoken too entirely like i am liccle. calling her pet names (mines as you can tell is princess or one that my daddy likes) your little may have prefernces already ask her those things to tailor it towards her. its about you noticing if her voice changes, what ages she could potentially be at and specking to her as if shes that ages phrases like "hows my little one doing", "come to daddy" (or whatever she calls you in that space) when she tells you about her day match her tone like if its been a really good day be all excited like "howww fantastic baby!" be fully interested because whatever she tells you in that space is a big deal and we wanna know what you think of it and match her tones. baby talk is the best, she probably just wants more of that, and letting her know its ok to be little and go on a journey with her.

 

hope this helps 

 

princesspunzie xoxo

[Guest You're adorable]

Well, 

 

This little of yours seems to have zero desire to help you build up your relationship with her, whatever the relationship between two of you might be. She is not trying to put even slightest effort into helping you to become someone that would be capable of doing what she expects. 

 

I get the "I am a little and you should feel honored that I even let you be my daddy, so do all the work by yourself because I just want to be little" feeling. Then again, I don't know the circumstances or the nature of your relationship.

 

But building something requires two people and if one is completely unwilling to do anything and just want's her partner/daddy to do all the work, I am not sure you should be in a relationship like that. Whatever the nature of it may be. 

 

Acting condescendingly towards newbies will only backfire. 

[Double Side Daddy]

Well, 

 

This little of yours seems to have zero desire to help you build up your relationship with her, whatever the relationship between two of you might be. She is not trying to put even slightest effort into helping you to become someone that would be capable of doing what she expects. 

 

I get the "I am a little and you should feel honored that I even let you be my daddy, so do all the work by yourself because I just want to be little" feeling. Then again, I don't know the circumstances or the nature of your relationship.

 

But building something requires two people and if one is completely unwilling to do anything and just want's her partner/daddy to do all the work, I am not sure you should be in a relationship like that. Whatever the nature of it may be. 

 

Acting condescendingly towards newbies will only backfire. 

I understand the "I am Little" part but from another perspective. I told my Ex little to kinda the same thing. When we had the same problem over and over again, i sat her down multiple times and she never fixed the issue but always asked the same question, 'How do i fix it. Eventually, like i said i stopped telling her and told her it wont do me any good to tell you how to fix the problem, ive tried. If you actually want to fix it then you come up with ideas and help. Lets do it together, Sadly she never did thats why shes my ex little. Just another perspective and a little back story 

[LittleCelticLass]

I actually don't like it when Daddy uses too much baby talk with me. He's the daddy, I'm the little. Then again, I don't use much baby talk myself.

 

We're all different, but telling you to go your own resrarch is, in my opinion, telling you she doesn't care enough to work out an issue together.

Edited January 27, 2019 by LittleCelticLass

[fancysir]

Each little is completely unique.  Do your own research?  Explain to your little that that is exactly what you are doing.  Tell her that you are researching her and her little space.  No two little spaces are the same. I've noticed that some littles can only communicate their little requirements only when they are in little space. Some have a hard time talking about little space at all.  One strategy I use is to ask simply questions and then give multiple choice answers.  Often it is hard for littles to understand there emotions and needs...some go into little space for that reason. Be patient and loving and caring.  That is the most important thing.  Have fun!

[junebug0325]

I am severely put off by how your little responded. There is no “research” on “How to talk to a little - 101” because everyone will tell you a different answer. This is because every little is different. Some littles like “baby talk” and others don’t.

 

I will say, sometimes it is hard for littles to understand their wants and needs. So try having an adult conversation with her to find out what she expects from you. It might take some time to understand what works best for her. So just remember to be patient.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Junebug xxx

[RavenclawPrincess]

It sounds to me like your little could use some research of her own. In every relationship, BOTH people have to work together to create a good situation. In my opinion, you have to kick this skill up a notch when entering any BDSM related dynamic. The beauty of dynamics is they're ALL different, and the end result should be that all parties involved are being catered to on a deeply personal level. If her needs are not being met it is HER responsibility to speak up and give you real answers about what she thinks good solutions would be. You're not a mind reader and no amount of research can teach you how to fit her individual standards. I can understand being at your wit's end and telling someone to just figure it out themselves after repeatedly giving full explanations as to the problem and what could change to improve the situation, but I can't understand someone telling their partner that they're screwing up and giving NO helpful information whatsoever so it can be resolved. This is a major red flag, my friend, and no one deserves to be abandoned by their partner in circumstances that will lead to inevitable failure. 

 

Ask her to explain EXACTLY what she doesn't like when you talk to her in little space, and ask her to explain EXACTLY how she'd like you to go about talking to her in little space instead. If she is uncooperative and doesn't pull her own weight enough to have a mature conversation about improving your dynamic then she has no right to say that anything is wrong at all, as she is a big part of the problem herself. If that is the case then I advise you to drop the dynamic in your relationship, or part ways with her altogether and find someone that is mature enough to handle being a good partner in this lifestyle. I cannot express enough how vital communication and teamwork are for successful dynamics. 

[Guest DaddyNinja]

You can try the following ddlg communication methods, that I teach to my friends in our ddlg club in london. I dont know, if links to blog is allowed or not; I write articles on my ddlg blog.

 

See if they work or not: Best wishes in your journey.

 

_____________________

 

1. ~Three DDLG communication techniques for connecting together~

 

Use this techniques when you both are having communication issues and feel like both of your connection is feeling weak. They work best for DDLG relationships.

 

1. A.S method :

Ask question and tell a story.

 

You ask her question then tell her story. She can ask you a question then tells a story. Your stories are mostly what you did, your past, your adventures etc. Stories should contain details like visions, feelings, emotions and humor sometimes. Best method for daily communications, chit chat, laughing together. Very good for shy littles and shy Daddy Doms.

 

2. R.E.Q method:

Respond, elaborate and question.

 

She asks you a question, you respond then elaborate the answer then ask a follow up question to dig deeper into the topic. She then does the same. Best for talking about relationship issues and concerns. She will elaborate her feelings and you will do the same. Be sure to cuddle together during relationship conversations. So that she can feel safe while expressing her opinions.

 

3. F.O.R.M method

Feelings , opinions, reasons and meanings.

 

This is a method for deeper conversations. It clears misunderstandings, deepens the understanding of each other. Nothing stays hidden with this method.

 

First you ask her a question. She will go though F.O.R.M

 

Feelings: First she will describe what her feelings are about the topic. How it makes her feel ?

 

Opinions: Next What is her opinion about that topic.

 

Reasons : Then she will tell the reason for her opinion. What is the reason for her opinion.

 

Meanings: Finally she will say what it all means to her.

 

Example: Why are you feeling upset suddenly today ?

 

I am feeling upset, sad and a bit scared when you forgot to text me while you were at work. I think that as my Daddy you should text me while you are work too. It is because I feel very lonely when you are not here. Your text let's me know that you are thinking of me. It relaxes my heart. Your talking means a lot to me. My mom and dad used to fight. I don't want to end up like them.

 

As you can see with F.O.R.M, nothing stays hidden with her. As a Daddy Dom, you may have a hard time talking in details sometime. But practice and it will become comfortable.

 

2.'Dry communication method' make a long distance ddlg relationship suffer

 

Note: here, 'close relationship' means a relationship where the individuals live together

 

In a long distance ddlg relationship, communication between the daddy and little is the most vital part in the relationship. The chemistry, intimacy and connection depends more on communication then anything else. In a relationship, the individuals share the relationship energy between each that maintain the relationship, the connection and the intimacy.

 

'Sharing of relationship energies' happen via touch and communication.

 

In a close relationship, the touch happens more then communication, so the sharing of energy is focused largely though the touch. Communication also shares energy between the individuals in a close relationship. Communication and touch, both, play important part in the relationship. But the touch plays a bigger part of the energy sharing here.

 

In a long distance relationship, touch and communication both play important part in the energy sharing but, communication plays the bigger part in the energy sharing.

 

I am firm believer in the existence of relationship energy between the individuals of the relationship. This energy maintains the chemistry, attraction, intimacy and the so called "spark" or the connection. Now, this energy can travel anywhere, distance does not matter. As long as there is a method of connecting together between each other, the energy can travel and energy sharing happens. That why a long distance relationship work and it's is the same, just like a close relationship.

 

Now, when it comes to long distance relationships, some communication methods allow strong energy sharing, while some types of communication method, make the energy sharing suffer.

 

I will be discussing the main communication method that makes a long distance ddlg relationship suffer and fail many times.

 

Let's say, a daddy and little has started their long distance relationship. At first, the connection between them is very strong. But after few months, they begin to feel like they are not feeling the connection they have felt before. Soon, one of them start to feel distanced from each other. Then a times comes when the relationship breaks.

 

It mainly happens because of a communication method that is mechanical in nature. The communication method lacks emotions, feelings, and a sense of energy. I call this type of communication, the 'dry communication method'. I call it dry because it lacks the essentials that are needed for a good energy sharing between the individuals.

 

In the 'dry communication method' , the daddy and little or one of them, don't share their feelings, emotions and a sense of energy in the relationship. The 'dry communication method' is just filled with questions and answer type of communication. The daddy and little ask each other questions and answer each other and give a bit of details here and there. Their communication happens like that most of the time. They don't express their feelings, emotions and memories in words in this type of communication. As a result the energy sharing between them suffers.

 

The solution is to share each others feelings, emotions and memories more by using words to describe them. This type of communication method has the essentials that allows the energy sharing to become strong. I call this type of communication method, " The communication method of connecting". In this type of communication methods, the daddy and little ask questions and answer each other. But they also include their feelings, sometime their emotions and other times their memories too. By practicing this type of communication, the connection stays strong in the long distance ddlg relationship.

 

Method of expressing feelings and emotions is allowing yourself to be open about how a topic makes you feel. What emotions you get when discussing those topics. What are the some of the memories you have about that topic. You share your memories by telling very little story about what the memory is. Emotions, feelings and memories are essential part of energy sharing. That is why they are needed in the long distance communication.

 

If your long strange ddlg relationship feels like it is lacking tell connection, then try including your feelings, emotions and memories in your daily chats, conversations and video calls. You will notice, they will make you feel excited. And with daily practice, it will allow you both to open up to each other again. You both will feel the connection becoming strong as before between each other and the relationship.

Edited February 9, 2019 by DaddyNinja

[Guest Aetherr]

tell her to help you, how can she expect to make things work with a new dom if shes not willing to do her part to show you what she wants, strikes me as rather lazy on her part

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

I am unsure if this is what she means, but maybe show her this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/25413-%F0%9F%8Dbaby-talk-dictionarytranslations-%BC%F0%9F%8D/

[Melsie Welsie]

When I first began with my little I used to not know what to say. I basically said all the wonderful little pet names I could give her and measured her giggles on which she loved the most. 

I don't necessarily think its wrong that she doesn't want to help you. She may just be embarrassed, honestly if you surprise her with knowledge of her fandom she will really open up to you. Don't worry to hard about it.


She shouldn't be trying to stop you mid roleplay though. That, to me, is Out of Character and could mean she is just frustrated with you in some way and its probably best to talk to her about it. A good rhythm to get in is using a different tone of voice when you're in roleplay space. It helps identify the difference from "daddy stop doing that" or "DADDY STOP". A lot of the times roleplay is a mutual thing, you gotta be honest with what you are looking for.

Here are some things to try.

My favorite, that my little likes to be called in and out of roleplay, is "Missy". Been calling her that for years.

Here are some ones to try:
Princess, Babygirl, Girly, hername-ly, Scrumptious, Sweetheart, Luvins, Muffin, Cuppy Cake, Miss Sunshine, Miss Naughty, Whiskers(if she is into pet play), Kitty, Little Missy, Miss Flowers, Bakey Cake, Vanilla Face, Miss Lovely, Gooba Girl, Little Pomegranate, Rainbow (especially if she dyes her hair)


 

[misterlisbon]

it seems kindof contrived, or maybe a game on her part (all i know about the situation is only as much as the OP contains). i guess if it were me, i would work the problem backwards, (ie - lookit, kiddo; if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, that's fine. heck, it'll be interesting to see how many 8pm bedtimes and desert-less dinners you'll endure before you DO feel like communicating. but i'll leave that to you. hey, whaddya know - look at the time...teefs brushed and jammies on) 

Edited February 11, 2019 by misterlisbon

[Her_DaddyDaddy!]

My best advice is know what age your little one is and talk to her as you would your own as such. My little is 5 nd shes my little muffin bun. I also let her know shes my best friend too nd she reconizes im older, so I can talk to her naturally.

[Maxibon]

As a switch who is new to DDLG as well, I understand both of your struggles! Thankfully, my girlfriend and I kind of picked up on that easily, as our Little-ness is spread out in our non-Little personality, and we've been dating for a year, and we typically know how to support each other when we're feeling sensitive or small, before we even adopted a DDLG dynamic.

 

Because I'm quite familiar with the Little in me as I have been age-regressing for years without realising it, I'm quite aware of how I get when I'm in Little Space, and I just gave my girlfriend a heads-up (like, if I'm feeling emotional or sensitive, then aim for affirmations and support, reassuring me that you're there for me, and stuff like that). But there are other aspects in which I don't really know what I like and stuff yet, so I've asked her to just try whatever she's feeling up to, and I'll let her know if it's okay or not. If your Little is not willing to give you a heads-up, then I suggest just trying to detect the kind of things she's feeling, and being aware of that, and ask her if it's okay.

 

My advice is to be sweet and loving and as supportive as you can be. Try to avoid negativity and swear words- it's almost talking to an actual young child, because, I think for most Littles, when we age-regress, our minds go back to a time where everything was simple and innocent, in a means of coping.

 

I hope this helps; I'm sorry if it doesn't!

[Arenvos]

I don't anything about your little, sir. But in my case, it's hard to talk to me since I wake up in a different age all the time, sometimes I'm a big kid and other times I'm not, what I would say, at least for a little like me, is picking up what they're doing, if they can form big kid words, cool the communication should be easy as long as you know how to talk to a kid, but if they're a toddler like state, than simple questions would be the only way, sometimes repeated encouragement too.

[AspiringDaddy]

On 2/9/2019 at 4:59 PM, Guest DaddyNinja said:

You can try the following ddlg communication methods, that I teach to my friends in our ddlg club in london. I dont know, if links to blog is allowed or not; I write articles on my ddlg blog.

 

See if they work or not: Best wishes in your journey.

 

_____________________

 

1. ~Three DDLG communication techniques for connecting together~

 

Use this techniques when you both are having communication issues and feel like both of your connection is feeling weak. They work best for DDLG relationships.

 

1. A.S method :

Ask question and tell a story.

 

You ask her question then tell her story. She can ask you a question then tells a story. Your stories are mostly what you did, your past, your adventures etc. Stories should contain details like visions, feelings, emotions and humor sometimes. Best method for daily communications, chit chat, laughing together. Very good for shy littles and shy Daddy Doms.

 

2. R.E.Q method:

Respond, elaborate and question.

 

She asks you a question, you respond then elaborate the answer then ask a follow up question to dig deeper into the topic. She then does the same. Best for talking about relationship issues and concerns. She will elaborate her feelings and you will do the same. Be sure to cuddle together during relationship conversations. So that she can feel safe while expressing her opinions.

 

3. F.O.R.M method

Feelings , opinions, reasons and meanings.

 

This is a method for deeper conversations. It clears misunderstandings, deepens the understanding of each other. Nothing stays hidden with this method.

 

First you ask her a question. She will go though F.O.R.M

 

Feelings: First she will describe what her feelings are about the topic. How it makes her feel ?

 

Opinions: Next What is her opinion about that topic.

 

Reasons : Then she will tell the reason for her opinion. What is the reason for her opinion.

 

Meanings: Finally she will say what it all means to her.

 

Example: Why are you feeling upset suddenly today ?

 

I am feeling upset, sad and a bit scared when you forgot to text me while you were at work. I think that as my Daddy you should text me while you are work too. It is because I feel very lonely when you are not here. Your text let's me know that you are thinking of me. It relaxes my heart. Your talking means a lot to me. My mom and dad used to fight. I don't want to end up like them.

 

As you can see with F.O.R.M, nothing stays hidden with her. As a Daddy Dom, you may have a hard time talking in details sometime. But practice and it will become comfortable.

 

2.'Dry communication method' make a long distance ddlg relationship suffer

 

Note: here, 'close relationship' means a relationship where the individuals live together

 

In a long distance ddlg relationship, communication between the daddy and little is the most vital part in the relationship. The chemistry, intimacy and connection depends more on communication then anything else. In a relationship, the individuals share the relationship energy between each that maintain the relationship, the connection and the intimacy.

 

'Sharing of relationship energies' happen via touch and communication.

 

In a close relationship, the touch happens more then communication, so the sharing of energy is focused largely though the touch. Communication also shares energy between the individuals in a close relationship. Communication and touch, both, play important part in the relationship. But the touch plays a bigger part of the energy sharing here.

 

In a long distance relationship, touch and communication both play important part in the energy sharing but, communication plays the bigger part in the energy sharing.

 

I am firm believer in the existence of relationship energy between the individuals of the relationship. This energy maintains the chemistry, attraction, intimacy and the so called "spark" or the connection. Now, this energy can travel anywhere, distance does not matter. As long as there is a method of connecting together between each other, the energy can travel and energy sharing happens. That why a long distance relationship work and it's is the same, just like a close relationship.

 

Now, when it comes to long distance relationships, some communication methods allow strong energy sharing, while some types of communication method, make the energy sharing suffer.

 

I will be discussing the main communication method that makes a long distance ddlg relationship suffer and fail many times.

 

Let's say, a daddy and little has started their long distance relationship. At first, the connection between them is very strong. But after few months, they begin to feel like they are not feeling the connection they have felt before. Soon, one of them start to feel distanced from each other. Then a times comes when the relationship breaks.

 

It mainly happens because of a communication method that is mechanical in nature. The communication method lacks emotions, feelings, and a sense of energy. I call this type of communication, the 'dry communication method'. I call it dry because it lacks the essentials that are needed for a good energy sharing between the individuals.

 

In the 'dry communication method' , the daddy and little or one of them, don't share their feelings, emotions and a sense of energy in the relationship. The 'dry communication method' is just filled with questions and answer type of communication. The daddy and little ask each other questions and answer each other and give a bit of details here and there. Their communication happens like that most of the time. They don't express their feelings, emotions and memories in words in this type of communication. As a result the energy sharing between them suffers.

 

The solution is to share each others feelings, emotions and memories more by using words to describe them. This type of communication method has the essentials that allows the energy sharing to become strong. I call this type of communication method, " The communication method of connecting". In this type of communication methods, the daddy and little ask questions and answer each other. But they also include their feelings, sometime their emotions and other times their memories too. By practicing this type of communication, the connection stays strong in the long distance ddlg relationship.

 

Method of expressing feelings and emotions is allowing yourself to be open about how a topic makes you feel. What emotions you get when discussing those topics. What are the some of the memories you have about that topic. You share your memories by telling very little story about what the memory is. Emotions, feelings and memories are essential part of energy sharing. That is why they are needed in the long distance communication.

 

If your long strange ddlg relationship feels like it is lacking tell connection, then try including your feelings, emotions and memories in your daily chats, conversations and video calls. You will notice, they will make you feel excited. And with daily practice, it will allow you both to open up to each other again. You both will feel the connection becoming strong as before between each other and the relationship.

Bump!

[Kittyara207]

That was long but awesome.   I like it.  Thank you for sharing this.  

[softbunnysunshine]

So like everyones different and it totally depends but for me personally (as a little), I think just being gentle and kinda "fuzzy" like a teddy bear is great. Its nice to feel like your in the arms of someone who can give you proper love and care, petnames ofc, just be sweet

[BeKink]

On 1/26/2019 at 4:45 PM, Guest sim pie said:

She won't tell me what she wants, she just tells me to go do my own research.

You really need to tell your little girl that she should write you a poem or make a drawing of what she wants and how she wants her daddy to speak to her. Because depending on the age your little is in, she might need guidance on how to express her feelings and guidance from her dom to tell her.

Talk to her about:
1) Topics that are Must/nice to have/No-Go
2) What kind of Age she feels best (Then Treat her accordingly)
3) What communication she prefers (talking, touching, guiding, strict, etc.)

[gigisweetheart]

Interesting conversation and perspectives. I would like to add that unless someone is age regressing 24/7 (I have never heard of that, but who knows), I feel that a little has to be able to communicate relationship needs in adult space. A relationship is too important to discuss things as a shy, frustrated, or uncommunicative little. Wait until feelings simmer down, then sit down as adults and discuss.

If her adult response was “do your own research”… well, what research? There are plenty of articles and stories written by/for ddlg audiences that don’t speak to me at all. You can read all the articles and stories you want but that doesn’t mean I’ll respond to the language or communication strategies. No this dynamic doesn’t leave THAT much room to be unique, I do like plenty of the stereotypical ddlg stuff, but still. 

And… honestly, what about what the caregiver wants? If I met someone I liked who really liked to be bossy and command-y, lol, I would struggle with that, BUT I would try to figure out a compromise. Caregivers are nourished and turned on by their own ideas of what it means to be a caregiver and that’s why communication is so important. I mean, a little or a caregiver are allowed to take a hard stance about how they want things, but then they have to be able to a) define their own preferences and b) find someone who is comfortable with them.