8 replies to this topic

[BluePanda23]

So my Daddy and I met online and we've been talking for about two weeks now. I am really happy being his little. Although in the beginning I told him that I'm a little who needs to hear her daddy's voice at the very least every now and then.
And he told me that he's not big on talking but he would try to this for me. That he doesn't make many videos but again he would try. But since those first few days. He hasn't even sent me a snap of him. He told me he understood me bn attached to his voice....but every time I suggest we talk or video he says not today. I've told how it makes me feel when he does this and he just reiterated that he's not much of a talker. I get that and I don't want to pressure him into doing something he's not comfortable with but he did say he would try. It just really hurts my feelings and don't know how to tell him this. Without it seeming like I'm trying to be manipulative. He's really attentive and sweet but I really would like to hear his voice more. 😭

Am I just being selfish? Any advice any one.

[Little kaiya]

I'll preface this by saying this is my opinion only so take my perspective with a grain of salt.

Well, I would start by suggesting that if this is someone you've met online two weeks ago that seems VERY early to jump into a DDlg relationship. Two weeks isn't much time at all to get to know someone let alone get to know someone and then add the intricacies of DDlg.

On the issue of videos and voice chat it sounds like he was upfront and honest that those arent his things. Trying to you and trying to him could mean VERY different things. That is one of those things that is usually good to discuss at the start to find out whether you're actually compatible.

I would suggest that if you're already having this issue, which suggests a fundamental incompatibility, two weeks in that it may not get better in the future. That said, I recommend taking a step back and having an adult to adult discussion about relationships goals and expectations. If the two of you can't get that Baseline figured out you both could be in for a lot of heartache.

Little kaiya

[SnugglyMunchlax]

I do agree that two weeks is pretty early to jump into a DDlg relationship. In regards to your Daddy, he may have some self-esteem issues or maybe he's just had a lot going on in his life right now which has taken up his energy. On the other side, he might be hiding something you don't know especially since this is an early relationship. Both of you had made it clear in the beginning your wants and boundaries, but this is happening. I also recommend going with what Kaiya suggested and taking a step back to have an adult conversation about the relationship. If it's not clearly communicated, there will be a lot of let downs unfortunately. Personally, I don't see it selfish that you want to hear your Daddy more especially since you stated it at the beginning of the relationship.

 

I hope that things work out between the two of you!

[BluePanda23]

I know we've discussed the rush. And you're right about trying. Meaning different things. Thank you for replying

[Batty]

Ask some questions to get a better feel for why he doesn't talk. As someone mentioned before maybe it is low self esteem. Did he mention whether his environment is loud and kind of chaotic (he could be using wifi in a public place not meant for casual conversation)? Depending on his circumstances there could be another person/people around that he doesn't want to hear him. Doesn't always mean a significant other is in the mix. I know when I speak to anyone other than immediate family my family gets all weird trying to figure out whom I'm speaking to. I also don't want them listening to my half of a conversation, so I get up and leave the room, leaving the room might not be an option for him.

Another thought- perhaps he is just the quiet type that doesn't enjoy the sound his own voice or maybe even the cadence. Given the choice I won't talk. I'm more of a listener and wouldn't feel comfy voice chatting after just two weeks. I have gotten better at phone and voice chatting with a bit of encouragement.

Perhaps you can think of positive ways to entice him into talking to you? I'm a little so I have been offered stickers, or if I speak the person they will read me a story in exchange. I'm not sure what to offer a CG 🤔. A good idea might be to ask if he minds hearing you! After he gets use to hearing you speak while he types out responses he might eventually go ahead and start actually talking himself. Bottom line though is that You need to sit down by yourself and figure out how much you need his verbal interaction. I applaud you for respecting his boundaries and not trying to manipulate him. You can only make decisions for yourself, so you need to consider how long you can put up with him not talking. You need to have a real time period in your mind for this because saying "I'll try" isn't really commitment, imho, it is simply opening the door for you to be patient with no limits. Casevin point he hasn't made the effort after two weeks. What are you going to do if you press the issue and he becomes frustrated? My finally words are don't be discouraged because you make the choice that you two are incompatible for this reason. You have a right to have you needs fulfilled. It just means you weren't a good fit for each other. There is nothing wrong with that.

Edited by Ebony Fruit Bat, 11 September 2019 - 02:14 AM.

[BluePanda23]

Thank you Ebony for your advice has really helped me to look at it from a new perspective and try to see it from his point of view.🙂 thank you I feel much more optimistic about this now.

[MysticSand]

Adding on to what others above have said, here are some other things to consider:

As there may be a mismatch in expectations, when you're discussing things, it could be helpful to quantify things. For example, can you agree on the number of voice clips or calls that you exchange each week? Instead of setting vague terms, set an identifiable goal that would make both of you comfortable. If you agree to a number of voice clips or calls, make sure to also quantify how long those voice clips or calls should be.

Another possible reason he may be hesitant to call is that he may not know what to say! I can definitely be more quiet as well, but perhaps giving him topics to speak about would help. For example, asking him to read you a story or suggesting to play a game such as "I spy with my little eye...." etc.... activities basically where the focus and onus wouldn't be on him to say something. But rather could be a conversation so that it takes pressure off of him to create content, so to speak.

And also to reiterate the above, 2 weeks is super short! Take time to talk more about expectations on everything and see if you're as compatible as you initially felt.

Edited by MysticSand, 11 September 2019 - 10:19 PM.

[BluePanda23]

I tried asking him to play a game with me so he wouldn't have to think about what to say. But he found a way to get out of it. Ive decided to give him some more time to get used to me and then revisit the topic with him.

[Lele-]

I agree with a lot of what everyone else is saying but, if I were you I would casually find out his name and birthday and general location and Google him. Make sure there's not a darker reason for his hesitation. I'm sorry to be a downer with that, but as someone who has been burned twice, I advise you to be careful. His hesitation, to me, is a red flag.