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    How did you know your Caregiver was the one?

    Love advice healing daddies caregiver

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    #1 Baby_Batz

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    Posted 13 September 2019 - 10:45 PM

    So I’ve come off a break up recently and I’m feeling very confused. I feel like I’m in a place where I’m ready to move on but I’m very confused as to what I want.Or I should say I’ve sent some time thinking about what I want and what I need but I still feel a little vulnerable. I feel like I’m questioning my choices a lot and am afraid of getting hurt again.I’m normally a shy person but I have been pushing myself to be a better, more brave version of my self. I’ve taken the time to make peace with the hurt and I want to break out of my shell but I’m still a little frightened. So what I want to ask you lovely littles ( and middles and such!) is how did you know your care giver was the one? What made you feel like that was the person for you? Did you make the first move or did they? What qualities or characteristics do you look for? If you’re had your heart broken, what advice do you have for moving on and becoming strong?

    Edited by Baby_Batz, 13 September 2019 - 10:47 PM.


    #2 Guest_LittleSnowiii_*

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    Posted 14 September 2019 - 10:20 AM

    I'll start by answering your last question:

    I took time to heal myself and prioritize my own well being.

    Is so important for you to take the time to allow yourself to feel, to cry, but also to look back and see how much you grew as a person! So please don't rush things and take as much time as you need. 

    So many people rush into relationships without healing first, we should all take care of ourselves in the first place.

    Also another thing that made me heal was that I realise the person wasn't worth it. If they hurt you and disrespect you, not worth crying about it. No one is worth your pain.

     

    Now how I knew he was the one:

    He was the first (and only) person to actually respect and listen to me. This incluiding my boundaries, my health (physical and mental) and to show me aftercare.

    Many men out there who claim they're daddies they only want the sexual part. I have learned that real daddies truly love you and do their best for their littles. Just like we do our best for them ^^

     

    For qualities:

    Honesty. Can't tell you how important communication and honesty is! It helps to solve the majority or problems asap and easily;

    Respect obviously;

    Sense of humour;

    Emotional/clingy with me;

     

     

    Everything I said truly deppends from little to little, but hope what I wrote might help you somehow.

    Also I hope you really recover from your heartbreak. Really sorry for what happened :c

    Get better soon <3


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    #3 Ricobun

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    Posted 14 September 2019 - 12:16 PM

    When my previous relationship ended, I made a list of rules to follow to become more confident and capable. It was sort of extreme but I had to move to another state again and start all over so I needed to sort of become a new version of myself. It really helped and I gained my confidence back just by faking it at first and eventually believing it. I took risks and explored new things and made sure that whatever I did would not make me feel bad when looking back on it. This confidence in turn made me more attractive to the kind of person I was looking for, someone who wasn't afraid of an intelligent strong woman. I did find him, and he isn't perfect but he isn't intimidated by me like some other men have been. This in turn makes it easier for me to be the kind of person I like to be, which isn't always strong and in control. I think if you try to become the person you want to be you can find a person who is right for you.
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    #4 Little kaiya

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    Posted 14 September 2019 - 12:41 PM

    When I found my Daddy I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship, I was and still am very happily married. We met at a local furry conference actually, connected and when he asked me if i wanted to date i felt strongly enough about him to broach the idea to my Wife. We've now been together as a closed, committed, polyamorous triad for almost two years.

    We definitely didn't start of as a DDlg relationship. Rather we did a bit of a kink matching list and when we exchanged lists found certain similarities, e g. diapers and ageplay, that were common to both our lists. My Wife set a firm, no sexual contact for the first month rule and I'm SUPER grateful she did as it gave us time to truly get to know one another and that's how I learned we were meant for each other. The relationship and emotional connection came first before any DDlg or kink connection.

    There is a significant age gap between us but having spent the time getting to know one another we know we are right and good for each other. The three of us have started talking about a commitment ceremony for he and I to further formalize the collaring ceremony.

    As for characteristics I don't really have a formal list I guess. Honesty, trust, respect, communication, accountability and more . . . These are all SUPER important to me. That said, I look at the person as a whole and that's why DDlg was never the first thing for me. It's important, yes, but a true, honest connection, including knowing their flaws and sharing mine is more important to me than ANY single one thing.

    I've been hurt before but I always believed life gets better if we continue to fight to make it better. If you've never been hurt in life I'd say you're spending more time just passing through life than TRULY living life. To me life isn't about avoiding pain or seeking happiness, it's embracing EVERYTHING life has to offer.

    Little kaiya
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    Little kaiya 💖🦊💖

    #5 Guest_LittleBunBun84_*

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    Posted 15 September 2019 - 02:44 AM

    This is such a lovely post, Batz, and the replies that have been made are so good.  :)

     

    I wasn't looking for love when I met my partner.  I was actually concentrating on myself, learning about who I am and what I wanted my life to be like.  When I met my partner there was an instant connection and, to be honest, that frightened me a little bit.

     

    We met online and spent a good few weeks messaging each other.  We talked on the phone a couple of times (something my partner really, really hates to do).  Things felt really right between us, we had a similar outlook on life, we wanted the same things for the future, we were both creative types.  When we met up for the first time it was like coming home and we haven't really been apart since then.

     

    The most important thing to me was someone who was kind and patient.

     

    I would like to say that there isn't really a formula to finding the right person.  You do just know when you know.  Like Little kaiya said, you can't live life trying to avoid hurt, you have to embrace it and learn from it.

     

    I hope that helps in some small way.  :)


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    #6 Guest_daddy'ssweetpea_*

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    Posted 15 September 2019 - 07:03 AM

    I have had my share of disappointments, my last CGL who was my daddy ghosted me after 2 years. I took some time to heal after that, I didn't even start looking for a new daddy till after 3 months. I also just started with a new CGL hoping to eventually have him be my daddy. But it's actually been 6 months in between the too. At times I had whished for a quick fix, but I needed time to heal and rediscover my self on my own instead of my self withy old daddy.

    As for how I knew he was the one, I'm still finding that out but I knew I wanted to try it with him because he remembers little things I tell him I like, listening is big to me. He also is Soo nice to me and really understands me. Look for someone you actually enjoy talking to.

    I'm really sorry your going through this if you wanna talk my door is open.

    Hugs
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    #7 LustfulPrincess87

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    Posted 15 September 2019 - 12:47 PM

    Im not quite sure how it all happened but it all fell into place. I feel it was meant to be with him. He is handsome, built like a protector, (in my eyes at least) loves taking care of me in every way. It just comes so naturally for both of us. I've never felt this way before. I was married for 12 years and never felt like this in that marriage. We divorced and I have been with my now husband for 2 years and I am so happy to have found someone I completely trust with my mind, body and soul.
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    #8 Guest_Sunshinekitty_*

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 01:14 PM

    I want to state outright that I don't believe in "the one."

     

    I've been with my husband for 27 years. We've been married 25. We've shifted our relationship through the years, and he's only been my CG for the last year. We've worked on our relationship together, communicated, and at every point we negotiated with each other for the things we wanted.

     

    Things that are important for enduring relationships are as follows:

     

    1. Communication. About everything. Nearly nothing is too little or unimportant to discuss. You need to communicate your needs and wants. No one on the planet is a mind reader.

    2. Compromise. Yes, that one. Because there's not one person on the planet who has a perfect life/relationship/is perfect. You have to literally decide whether or not to let little things bother you or not and figure out what's actually important to you. Sometimes it's not important to get your own way.

    3. Lack of expectation. The minute you start expecting things from the other person, you set your relationship up for painful and emotional confrontations.

    4. Shared values. Kids. Money. Religion. Family ties. Holidays. Level of commitment. Type of connection (mono vs poly).

    5. Don't argue to 'be right.' It's a Pyrrhic victory at best. You can either choose to be right or maintain your relationship equilibrium by make sure you understand the other person (people) you're with. It's more important to understand and be understood than make the other person wrong.

     

    You can literally be with just about anyone (except abusers, narcissists, and addicts) with that list right there. But. Finding the right CG?

     

    That's something else entirely. Sort of. But negotiation, compromise, discussion, and communication all help.

     

    And yes, I'm happy with the man I ended up with--but people ALWAYS change over the years. So it's more about being happy to be with the one you're with and choosing to love them every day. I'm not 'the one' he married, either. But he's 'the one' I want to be with.

     

    Also, yes definitely give yourself a break and time to find yourself again.

     

    I hope this makes sense.


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