General Advice for New Daddies

[LittleNyx]

@Daddy4Princess Great post! More than 50% of problems in any kind of relationship are related to miscommunication or the lack of communication. It's even more important in a D/s relationship where balance is extremely crucial.

[Guest BrassyBabyGirl]

On 11/25/2021 at 2:42 PM, DaddiRick said:

I consider myself still a new Daddy three months into our DDlg relationship. 

That post was uber sexual and many here are not sexual littles/middles/switches/caregivers. Coming from a site like fet life and the D/s arena I saw the difference here and I like it. Just wanted to give you that information.

As for you little, ask them, what keeps them there, it is different for everyone. For me, little things like Daddy telling me to have a snack, stopping what ever I am doing (Super A type personality, busy and driven so I forget things like meals and rest) and doing so, ensuring I finish all he makes, does that for me. It is beyond the sexual but strengthens that aspect because the same verbiage can be used and it draws me into little space. The repetitious nature of soothing cues is powerful. The same tone and words used during a daily caregiver task (like soothing words at bed time or cuddle time) can be used during sexy time to draw back that soothing energy of nurtured little space and bring it to a new realm for me.

But the main thing is knowing I am never "too much" for Daddy, but allowing Him to pull me back if He wants to. Being told to wait, be patience, I did not earn that reward yet (which could be some of the things you mentioned above) puts me back into my submissive role and into little space. It could happen in line at the bank or intimate time. Dominant littles are a thing and that is their little space lol (to say I want this, this and this), so maybe it is worth a discussion to see how that dynamic may fit in here and there. Switching up can be a reward earned. Enjoy the journey :0).

[jsong952]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and already introduced myself on the other forum section. I've had a previous D/s relationship but this is my first DD/lg, I'm finding some overlapping areas with D/s but also some unfamiliar ones.

My little is VERY new to any kind of kink relationship, we met a couple of months ago and she just talked about wanting a Dominant partner, over time and talking she leaned more into wanting a DD, she has issues with some of the male relationships she'd had in the past and told me she's never had an orgasm from a man before. She was hesitant about what to call me and it took her time and courage to call me Daddy but she does now. 

I'm here to learn more about being a DD, I'm enjoying it. We have not had much alone time together yet as we are somewhat long distance so see each other every 1-2 weeks, she's also kinda overloaded with work and other commitments. With that in mind I've had a light touch with her regarding rules and control and my wants from her, if I ask too much I'd add stress to her busy life.

She's worn toe/nail polish I picked out and I've picked out what panties she wears for the day, I'd like to explore more. So hoping to find new ways to bring things a little more into 24/7. She's so new I think the idea of giving up control in small ways hasn't fully clicked with her yet.

I think part of it is trust, I think we are still building that bridge, I'm trying to be as open as I can and giving her a safe space so she realizes she can lean into me and trust me completely. Myself I work on my emotional intelligence and learning more about these relationships (which is part of the reason I'm here).

Just thought I'd say hi while I read more here and learn!

[DaddyUmbreon]

@jsong952 Welcome to the community.

Reading through your post, there can and can not be some overlap between D/s and DD/lg.

There is no set mold or definition to how a relationship is. There are more things to keep in mind. DDlg can be a kink but not necessarily and takes getting to know your little and why they are little. As I see it DD/CGs are there to not just be partners/Doms/controllers but more to be that safe haven and mentor. 
Littles/middles are cute and creative. They sometimes need rules and boundaries to stay on course but need freedom to express themselves. I feel if you are choosing their attire and stuff, that falls more to D/s than DDlg. This in no way means you are wrong or not as I stated there is no cookie cutter pattern and ultimately comes down to what terms the 2 of you choose. This is my personal thoughts. Being a DD takes far more love, patience, and understanding. It’s taking our little/middles and loving and accepting them for who they are, understanding their past and traumas, and giving them a safe space to grow and process that with or without our help. Help nurture her curiosity and creativity. Promote her independence and codependency. There should be a balance and will help her when you are not around. There is a very fulfilling part that I can’t fully express in what you experience from seeing the joy, hearing their laughter, and being there for them. 
Explore the site and look at all the incredible and unique things that make each individual little/middle. The things they love. The things they fear. No two are the same, like a sea of stars. They make look the same from the distance but you when you peer through a telescope, you see how truly incredible and monumental they are. You can have a great relationship with your little and incorporate D/s aspects into it. Remember to look out for the best interests of her and not just yourself. That is why the “Daddy” is added and not just Dom. What does that “Daddy” part mean to you and what is it she defines it as. This will be something that resonates for a long time. 

I hope this helps. Find what works best for you both. Be that safe space and always be there for her. Communication will always be key. Make things fun. Don’t rush things and take the time to understand. Don’t take things personally if they pull away for a moment. Be there and love them. 

[Kali]

23 hours ago, jsong952 said:

She's worn toe/nail polish I picked out and I've picked out what panties she wears for the day, I'd like to explore more. So hoping to find new ways to bring things a little more into 24/7. She's so new I think the idea of giving up control in small ways hasn't fully clicked with her yet.

Hi. 👋🙂

As a lil/middle, I hope it's okay to chime in on this. 

Have you asked her how she feels about you picking things out for her? It could be insightful for both of you. 

For instance, I would love for my person to be involved like this, especially in a LDR. Having him pick out things with me, surprising me with something he'd like to see me in, hearing his opinion on things... it'd be something we're doing together, a way to show interest and appreciation, a way to learn things about each other, bonding...  it'd also give me warm fuzzies knowing I've pleased him. 

So D/s is only a small portion of my want, love and need for this. 

Knowing how your little feels about and sees these things could help y'all figure out what works best for you. 😄

[jsong952]

Thanks everyone; this is a little new for me so I'm getting to know the ropes and I can see how more patience and understanding is required to learn about her likes and dislikes.

We've definitely overlapped on certain things, we talked about her wearing a bracelet for me and I made some suggestions. She loved the idea but liked different designs than the ones I picked, so yes I get what you are all saying about being a little less Dom and more Daddy in a lot of things.

Right now she's a little overloaded with a lot on her plate (time and stress) and one of the issues has been communication. We don't chat as much as we probably should, I'm learning to be more patient and give her space. She has gotten more relaxed and was hesitant for quite a long time on what to call me; now she's comfortable calling me Daddy.

thanks again :)

[Guest Cebakes]

2 hours ago, jsong952 said:

Thanks everyone; this is a little new for me so I'm getting to know the ropes and I can see how more patience and understanding is required to learn about her likes and dislikes.

We've definitely overlapped on certain things, we talked about her wearing a bracelet for me and I made some suggestions. She loved the idea but liked different designs than the ones I picked, so yes I get what you are all saying about being a little less Dom and more Daddy in a lot of things.

Right now she's a little overloaded with a lot on her plate (time and stress) and one of the issues has been communication. We don't chat as much as we probably should, I'm learning to be more patient and give her space. She has gotten more relaxed and was hesitant for quite a long time on what to call me; now she's comfortable calling me Daddy.

thanks again

Milk and Mocha gifs are a nice way to quickly let someone know you are thinking about them.  
 

 

https://tenor.com/search/milk-and-mocha-gifs

 

[MoJo]

On 3/4/2015 at 6:13 AM, Elle said:

I'm no Daddy but please, please, if you're a new Daddy, don't pretend you know it all just because you read up on it...

 

I've seen too many of those 

I had to read an experiment a lot in order to find my way. If one does not acknowledge their need to learn, you are stuck for life. 

[Definitiv]

New to ddlg / cgl, but a big thanks to everyone sharing their thoughts, experience and opinions. Really helps someone getting a good look into this and a good perspective on the daddy little relation

[Daddy_Jayy97]

Hello everyone. I'm new to this forum, not entirely new to the lifestyle. However I've only ever actually had two Littles as pickins are slim here in my state. What is the best way to find that special princess for a lifetime partnership. 

[AspieDaddy]

Hi all this is my first post.

I am a new Daddy to my little (wife). She and I are both fully committed to this lifestyle. It comes alot easier to her than it does me. 

I am trying so hard to be the best daddy I can. We discuss everything from things I expect of her. To punishment. 

She loves all aspects of the lifestyle and so do I. I find I struggle mostly with taking the lead occasionally. Like being out in public.  Keeping her close and the signals I need to use so she knows what is going on etc. I find that the hardest. So I just tend to keep her close to hand.

Currently am finding it difficult to come up with punishments that truly make her rethink her decisions. As she loves a spanking at times. 

I love being in control and being dominant just need some guidance how to navigate myself and her down this rabbit hole.

Thanks in advance

[karan]

On 3/3/2015 at 11:23 PM, Guest Miko said:

Hey everyone!  So this is basically a thread for those daddies who may be new to the whole lifestyle and are not so experienced on it.  Any tips and advice from those more experienced would be much appreciated!  This is also a thread for those newbies who might have any specific questions regarding the lifestyle and whatnot.  Thanks in advance!

1 thing i always tell new daddies and experienced ones too, please please listen to your little ones...

[BigMeat]

On 12/19/2023 at 8:50 AM, DaddyUmbreon said:

@jsong952 Welcome to the community.

Reading through your post, there can and can not be some overlap between D/s and DD/lg.

There is no set mold or definition to how a relationship is. There are more things to keep in mind. DDlg can be a kink but not necessarily and takes getting to know your little and why they are little. As I see it DD/CGs are there to not just be partners/Doms/controllers but more to be that safe haven and mentor. 
Littles/middles are cute and creative. They sometimes need rules and boundaries to stay on course but need freedom to express themselves. I feel if you are choosing their attire and stuff, that falls more to D/s than DDlg. This in no way means you are wrong or not as I stated there is no cookie cutter pattern and ultimately comes down to what terms the 2 of you choose. This is my personal thoughts. Being a DD takes far more love, patience, and understanding. It’s taking our little/middles and loving and accepting them for who they are, understanding their past and traumas, and giving them a safe space to grow and process that with or without our help. Help nurture her curiosity and creativity. Promote her independence and codependency. There should be a balance and will help her when you are not around. There is a very fulfilling part that I can’t fully express in what you experience from seeing the joy, hearing their laughter, and being there for them. 
Explore the site and look at all the incredible and unique things that make each individual little/middle. The things they love. The things they fear. No two are the same, like a sea of stars. They make look the same from the distance but you when you peer through a telescope, you see how truly incredible and monumental they are. You can have a great relationship with your little and incorporate D/s aspects into it. Remember to look out for the best interests of her and not just yourself. That is why the “Daddy” is added and not just Dom. What does that “Daddy” part mean to you and what is it she defines it as. This will be something that resonates for a long time. 

I hope this helps. Find what works best for you both. Be that safe space and always be there for her. Communication will always be key. Make things fun. Don’t rush things and take the time to understand. Don’t take things personally if they pull away for a moment. Be there and love them. 

@DaddyUmbreon - I must say, this was one of the absolute best and most descriptive ways to share the role of being a Daddy. Everything you have said in your comment is 100% accurate and I’m glad that there are other DD’s out here that feel and think as closely to the perspective that I do. It was nice to read this to see that another DD’s perception is exactly the same as my own. Thank you so much for this post so others can read it and get the full spectrum of what a DD is like. 

I couldn’t have worded it better myself.
Very impressive post, thank you again for your perspective.

Edited March 13 by BigMeat
Needed to correctly direct my comment to whom I was replying back to.

[redruffle41]

@the_trucking_pawpaw maybe start here my friend.

[Looksee]

On 3/4/2015 at 5:13 AM, Elle said:

I'm no Daddy but please, please, if you're a new Daddy, don't pretend you know it all just because you read up on it...

 

I've seen too many of those 

Im new and I know nothing which is why I’m here 

[Teardrop]

On 9/17/2020 at 9:58 AM, LeanBlaster said:

Just please, i ask this with all my heart... dont be competitive, you are a caregiver, you want the best to your little, dont make it a competicion and be all " i am the best daddy", if you say that 99% is the chance that you are not even close, because there is no best daddy, as long you are doing your best and not be toxic, you are a good daddy!

I have to agree with you it's not a competition especially when feelings are involved 

[Journey]

Wow, a lot of really good advice and stories. 

I think the best advice would be to get to know you partner and figure out what she needs and what she wants (which may be different things). Talking is a good way to figure this out, but you also have to observe her non-verbal communications too. Especially if she comes from a culture where if she is mad at you, she gives you the silent treatment.

Knowing the difference between role play and age regression is also important. And knowing when she is in adult space and in little/middle space is also important. 

For example, when my wife is in adult space, I can have certain conversations with her, such as talk about the bills or her career plans. When she is in middle space, some topics are off the table because such conversations would stress her out and give her anxiety while she is in that space. Such conversations would also typically kick her out of middle space since she has to shift gears to deal with adult responsibilities.

Every women is different. Every little is different. 

The more you pay attention, the more attentive you can be. 

Another piece of advice is being conscious about who you are being. Know when you are being the daddy and know when you are not being the daddy. She will react differently based on who you are being in that moment. She is unlikely to go into little/middle space if you are not being the daddy. And if you act like the little, she may become the mommy... and potentially be very unhappy about doing so since she wants to be the little. (But that depends on the women. Some women want to play the mommy role.) 

I think that is it for now, or else this will turn into a book. I hope that helps.

[Journey]

Another thing I want to add is that your partner's emotional needs will vary depending on what space they are in. And, if they are a person that age regresses, sometimes they will not know that they have age regressed. This is especially the case if they slip between middle space and adult space, since a middle can act responsible but still need more emotional support than while in adult space.

For example, if your partner is in little space, in diapers, and age regressed to a toddler, it's pretty obvious that they are going to need the same emotional support a toddler would need while in little space.

But, let's say your partner age regresses into middle space, to let's say, 12 years old. A 12 year old can act like an adult and can complete the same complex tasks an adult can do, in most cases. But that does not mean they are emotionally ready for adult burdens while in that state. And, in some cases, they can age regress into this space without realizing they have age regressed.

It is also possible that your partner knows when she is in little space, and knows when she is in adult space, but is not be aware when she slips into middle space, since it can be similar to adult space in some ways. You partner thinks she goes between two states, but she really goes between three.

It is also possible that your partner never age regresses, and they are just engaged in age play and escapes from adulthood, while in an adult mindset.

As the caregiver, you have to pay attention to what state she is in and adjust your interactions based on that. Sometimes the clues are very subtle.

For example, liking cute things or even saying daddy may or may not indicate age regression. You can be in adult space and like cute things and use words of endearment. Adults can role play, have fun playing games, and love cartoons, yet still have an adult mindset. It's an escape from adulthood, which is not the same thing as age regression.

But what usually gives away age regression is their demeanor and behavior. Are they behaving like a child? Is their thinking like a child? Does it feel a bit more real than acting? Another indicator is changes in how they handle stressors. If they are age regressed, handling adult responsibilities and topics can become overwhelming, whereas when they are in adult space they are just fine handling those same things.

Some littles or middles may object to this next part, but after 20 years of marriage to a middle, I can say that the following is important for your partner's mental health. 

If someone is age regressed to 12 but thinks they are an adult, they will probably insist they are an adult similar to how a 12 year old would insist they are all grown up now. But if you gave this same 12 year old all of the burdens of an adult, they would not be able to take it because they are not emotionally ready. If this happens, you treat them as if they are 12 anyway since that is what they need. Or more specifically, you treat them like they are a 12 year old who insists they are grown up. Give them space to spread their wings and give them independence, but make sure they are not overwhelmed and that their emotional needs are being taken care of. If and when they need you, they can come to daddy or mommy and you are there for them.

And, as a reminder, I don't mean treat them in a demeaning way. What I mean is treat them in a way that supports their emotional needs. If they are age regressed to 12 but do not realize it, they need the same emotional support of a 12 year old whether they realize it or not. You give them whatever emotional support they need in that moment. What age you or they think they are is not what's important. Caring for them in a way that supports them is what is important.

If you don't do this, it could lead to mental issues like anxiety. Regardless of what age they think they are, if they are overwhelmed with things above their mental capacity, they are going to struggle. 

In this post and other posts I mention a lot about age, but those are just for reference. The main idea is that you observe and monitor your partner's emotional well-being by making sure they are not overwhelmed by things they cannot handle in the moment, and you give them the space they need to stretch their wings and become stronger. A good partner would do this even outside a DDlg relationship. You give your partner whatever support they need. 

Bottom line, as the caregiver, you have to monitor your partner so you are aware of their mental state. That way you can adjust your approach based on whether they are in little space, middle space, or adult space.

Edited September 14 by Journey

[Journey]

As the caregiver, know whether your partner is age regressing or not. Some people do not age regress, they just use age play to escape from adulthood. Know the difference. If your partner is age regressing, you have to give them the emotional support they need for whatever age they are regressed to in that moment, regardless of what age they think they are in that moment. 

For more specifics, see my previous much longer post. 

Edited September 14 by Journey